need a tdoc, can't find a tdoc

i am having the hardest time finding a tdoc. part of it is my insurance and schedule (i can only go in the evenings or on the weekend due to work), i have eliminated every one of my pdocs referrals due to insurance or schedule problems. but a huge part of it is me not allowing myself to trust.

i've been through three years of serious therapy. my last two tdocs stopped seeing me abruptly, long stories. one of them really unprofessionally and that really hurt me. the last one, and longest, we agreed it was best that i move on to another tdoc, but i still have huge abandonment issues over it. i tried a tdoc he referred me to for 3 sessions and my insurance stopped paying because she was out of network. just after i spilled my dirt and started to try trusting her, i had to stop seeing her.

it took me months to find the next therapist, who i found out of the book. after three sessions, again, just enough time to start to settle in, i had to stop. her schedule took her away for a month or two at a time and she decided that wouldnt be okay for me. the next tdoc (out of the book) was just a really bad fit, and i only saw her once.

i've had horrendous tdoc experiences in the hospital and in college. i dont how i can trust another one. i seriously doubt the ability and capability of just "another tdoc" to help. i want to be challenged, i want someone who will talk to me like i'm a thinking, intelligent person... not a sick person, beneath them. why should i trust that they'll be there? i am stuck. i dont know how to find what i am looking for, when i dont trust in their ability to help me, or even trust in my ability to let them help me.

how can i just select another random person out of hte phone book when there are so many bad therapists out there? i was actually told once that i was making more out of being sexually abused that it really was. how would they know? i didn't even tell them anything about it either, so how could they make that judgement. but it was enough to keep me from seeking help again for years.

i'm really struggling. and i cant fix this on my own. does anyone have any advice?

thank you for reading...

((((((((((((((((((((((((((theimmune))))))))))))))))))))))

I can hear that you are really struggling, and I'm sorry It's so hard to know that we need help, but not know where to find it.

Have you looked at the Psychology Today website? I found my T by looking at their therapist search engine, and reading about all of the therapists in my area. That helped me narrow it down, and then I called a couple and talked them on the phone, to sort of get a "feel" for them. Finally, I picked my T and started going to see him, and luckily, we've been a good match.

I'm sure there are many ways to find a T, I've only been to one, so that is the only experience I have.

The other thing that just occurred to me is this - could you contact the therapist that you worked well with, and ask HIM for some referrals? If you and he agreed that it was best for you to work with someone else, I think it was his responsibility to give you some possible T's you could work with. If he didn't do that at the time, maybe he could help you now...especially since he knows you and knows the issues you need help with.

Good luck - I hope you are able to find the help you need and deserve