[hangingon]

I have been thinking alot today about whether I should officially switch T's or not. I really like the new one, well as much as I can giving it was only one visit thus far, but what if it doesn't turn out like I thought?

The one I have now is not a bad T, I am just not totally clicking with her, be it her or me. I keep thinking this change may be good and who could ask for a greater rate ect.

Yet, somehow, I keep going over alot of things in my head. Like I have been with my old T for 11 months; in that time there was a good amount of sharing going on. It just feels weird cutting that relationship off, she never did anything to hurt me ect.

I'm thinking about how much time it took to trust her and share things, and now having to start that ALL over again with another T. That thought kills me.

Then the other side is that I have shared a good amount with my old T, so maybe it won't be so hard to open up to the new one with alot of that info. Its just stinks to think that I am going to ditch a T like that, thats my normal routine in life when I get close to people and I almost feel like that is what I am doing in this case.

Yet, I am thinking back to when I first started seeing her and there was always this hesitant side of me. That maybe with this new T I won't have that as bad. It just stinks thinking about starting this all over again.

A part of me is sad having to leave my other T, and is even more worried about having to break that news to her. What if it doesn't work with my new T?

Hangingon

[sunrise]

hangingon, what would you think of telling your current therapist you need a break from therapy? You could take some time off from her, perhaps a few months, see the new T a few times, and then make your decision. I agree, it is a hard decision to make when you have only seen the new T once and you have a history with the old T.

It just stinks thinking about starting this all over again.

When I began seeing my current therapist, I did not have to start from scratch with him. I started from where I was. I did not need to work through some of the things I had gone over with the first therapist, because I had done that. I just began where I was, and we went from there. You don't have to go through your whole history again. Just start working on whatever you need to TODAY, and also start building the relationship.

The single most important predictor of success in therapy is the relationship with the therapist, not the length of time you've been in therapy with them, their approach, or whatever. It does not sound like it is completely clearcut for you, which is the best relationship and which is the best opportunity for therapy. I think taking some of the time pressure off of yourself by taking a break from therapy with your first T would lift some of the pressure and allow you to make the right decision at a more leisurely pace. A therapist does not have to do "anything to hurt me" in order to terminate with them. It doesn't mean she's a bad therapist if you leave her, maybe just not what you need at this time. I hope you give yourself some time to make this decision, if that's what you need. I have also found that doing therapy is a bit of a skill, and if you have 11 months under your belt from the first T, you may move more speedily through the early stages with a new T, and build the relationship more easily (if they are a sufficiently good match).

[hangingon]

Thanks Sunrise

Taking a break from my regular T may be a good idea. I have and appointment with my regular T and my new T next week, the following week I will be away on a cruise vacation, so this may be a good time.

I have a feeling my regular T will not totally want to agree to this because since my mom passed I have been slipping back into depression and I don't take meds for it. Yet, I don't think she will fight me on it either. I guess I can just see how it goes.

I can continue seeing my new T once a week while on break for my regular T , that way I can get a better feel of how things may go, hopefully the new one will agree with that, I can't see her not agreeing.

I just want to make sure that I am not just running away from any connection like I always do. My regular T just started a new practice near where she lives over an hour a way. I told her I was worried about that, going through all this and having her leave. She said she would still see me near where I live till the end, and that even after that if I needed to, I could call her and come in for an occasional visit. I just have a hard time trusting that in the back of my mind and feel I would rather get out before going further.

In reality its not like this couldn't happen to my new T but she is settled here, so in a sense I trust that more.

Hangingon

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by hangingon

I just want to make sure that I am not just running away from any connection like I always do.

I think this is something you should explore even if it in on your own. The I idea of taking a break sounds like it would be good. This would allow you a chance to see how you feel and still have the option of returning. It really sounded like you really liked the new T you just went to. I would hate to see you not explore this interaction a little more. To me it sounds like a win-win situation. If you really like the new T and can get the comforting that you prefer then you WIN. If it turns out the new T is nice but not really helpful, you can then go back to your old T knowing that what you crave may not be what you need. It might make the professionalism more tolerable.

[velcro003]

Not to de-rail your thread hangingon, but this is sort of related.

I wrote my T an e-mail over thanksgiving break because i was home alone for three days, and it didn't bode well for me. In a rare moment of reaching out, I e-mailed her and said I was scared...blah blah blah. She wrote back that night saying she'd be back in town the next day and I could call or write if needed. I just wrote her back that I appreciated that she wrote me back.

So I had therapy today since then, and I was nervous that she was going to bring up what I said, knowing I wrote it in an e-mail for a reason; I couldn't say this stuff out loud. She didn't really bring it up, just said how it sounded like I had a tough time over break and what was I feeling then?

I still have trouble just opening up and chatting freely, so that and the fact that I just have a very hard time getting back in touch with those feelings, because I was not feeling that at the moment. So when she asked me how I felt then, I was like "Eh, I don't know, I just was sad and was alone with my thoughts for too long. I just feel selfish and like I'm unwilling to change" Then trailed off, and couldn't really get into anything.

I told her how I still feel like I shouldn't need to be there, shouldn't need help. That I feel worthless most of the time. She said that there definitely still seems to be a disconnect from my "intrapsychic structure" and what I can verbalize, and I seem to have a hard time trusting anyone in getting help.

I guess...I don't know. Its hard when I don't even trust myself to even believe what I feel. I don't know how to get over that. Its been almost a year, and I don't know how much I've really improved. Is it just that I'm very slow to trust? Or is it just because we aren't a great "fit"? I like her enough, I just don't know. I know I will not leave...but I'm afraid I won't be able to get over this point. Sigh.