[sunrise]

T and I met last week, the day the bottom dropped out of my divorce. He really gave me a lot of support that day. Now 10 days later, I was back to see him, still in limbo with the D. But this time very, very angry. He would call it "fierce." Something changed in me over the week. I felt like I had lost part of myself and I could never get it back. It made me sad. T said no, you didn't lose anything, it's still there. Instead, you gained something. That's why you feel different. I'm skeptical. He says you are growing so much, right before my eyes. I'm so proud of you. And a few times, he halted our talk to say, look at that boundary you're setting! (I think T thinks the fact that my divorce is currently a train wreck is the best thing that ever happened to me.)

It was one of our liveliest sessions ever. I think our voices were both about 3 times louder than usual. I cried some too, as usual, but not like last time's much deeper mourning. T cried this time too. (He does that sometimes when he really feels what I'm feeling.)

I really liked when he told me that he'd been so worried about me all week long, knowing the anxiety I was experiencing. That was way cool to hear I had been in his mind outside of session. (Inside I was thinking, well if you were so worried, why didn't you call or email to check on me? LOL. Yeah, it's never enough.)

At one point we did a little navigation around his dual role (divorce coach and therapist). I asked him if I could tell him something that would be completely confidential. He said, look, I'm in a dual role, and if what you want to tell me puts me in a bind in one of those roles, I can't hear it or promise confidentiality. You decide. So I decided it would not put him in a bind, just that it would better communicate to him my state of mind, so he agreed to confidentiality on this one particular thing. And after I told him, he did not say, "I wish you hadn't told me that," so I think I made the right call. The whole dual role thing can get sticky sometimes.

And our session was two hours. He had no client in the slot after me, and we were so engaged, he just let us go 2 hours. We really had a lot to go over. And he signed me up again for Monday. I handed him his money for the session and he counted it. Usually he doesn't. I owe you $5, he said. Why didn't you tell me? I've done that before, I said, paid you more because I didn't have change. You should have said something! he said. Yeah, but sometimes I pay you less, I said, and you don't notice that either. And we both totally cracked up at that.

He said on my way out, when I had the door open and the next clients were there waiting to come in, "it was delightful." It was. It's strange that two hours filled with strong emotion, tears, anger, indignation, exasperation, raised voices, and more, can be delightful. I saw a boyish quality in T tonight that I find very appealing. Sometimes it comes out front and center. I like that I understand the boy that is T and what delights him. That is delightful itself.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( sunrise )))))))))))))))

That does sound like a good session, it is always comforting to hear that our Ts think of us outside of therapy however like you I wonder why mine didn't call if they were concerned, LOL.

[phoenix7]

he sounds great! glad you had a good session. P7

[MissCharlotte]

really liked when he told me that he'd been so worried about me all week long,

I would like that too. It sounds so comforting.

I can't hear it or promise confidentiality.

I just don't know how you do this because it would make me crazy. Oy.

Yeah, but sometimes I pay you less, I said, and you don't notice that either. And we both totally cracked up at that

He said on my way out, when I had the door open and the next clients were there waiting to come in, "it was delightful."

OMG THAT IS AWESOME! I wish T would say that to me when you know who is in the waiting room.

Nice session Sunrise, thanks for sharing it!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sunrise

He said on my way out, when I had the door open and the next clients were there waiting to come in, "it was delightful."

I know, I really liked that too. He actually followed me a couple of steps into the waiting room when he said "delightful." I had never seen the client couple before who was waiting for him, but I really liked that T let "the world" know that he considered our session to have been delightful. Like it is more than just contained in the therapy room. It is on display! Later in an email, he told me would always treasure our wonderful session.

[Simcha]

IMO, dual roles where you can't share confidential information with your T for fear that it might come out to third parties aren't good.

I don't know how this ethically works with you and your T, but I'm really glad you can rise above that, take a risk, and make progress.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Simcha

IMO, dual roles where you can't share confidential information with your T for fear that it might come out to third parties aren't good.

I know, I know, it is difficult. But I was given informed consent on this when he added the second role (actually the third), so I was free to decline. But I accepted and it was clearly explained to me. Doesn't stop it from being hard sometimes, though. I am very, very sensitive to the dual roles. I guess if it became intolerable, I could remove one of his roles, and unfortunately, it would have to be the T role. And I am nowhere near thinking of doing that. I think the "no confidentiality" thing is largely tolerable to me only because I really trust my T. I trust him to only share information that will not hurt me. Sometimes his judgment may be different from mine on this, but I really do trust him. And he said when we are all done, he will tear up the contract for the second role, and he will be just my therapist again! I am looking forward to this moment as a kind of rite of passage, a momentous signifier that my divorce is over!