[ECHOES]

No, not T and I. That's "us"

So a few weeks ago when I asked, she said she meant to tell me that she was taking either Christmas week or New Years week off, wasn't sure which. Thursday she tells me, at the end of the session as if her own "doorknob confession"... sigh.. Oh, did I tell you that I will be here during the holidays after all? She said 'some things came up' and WE are staying here.

WE?! WE?!!?!

I don't want to know about her personal life. I don't ask.

WE?!!?

Of course, even though "I don't want to know", I now am about completely obsessed with the WE. Who is this person who gets more than 2 hours a week with her?! *pouts* I know she has a daughter who is an adult. Maybe they were going to go somewhere together. (I got the impression she was going somewhere when she said 'staying here'.)

No matter who it is, I am jealous. If it is her daughter I am insanely jealous.

But I will not ask. Because I don't want her to tell me more or think I want to know more.

So, how to get rid of obsessing about the WE?

[nowheretorun]

((Echoes)) you know whats been said about curiosity and the cat? well, it seems true, i cant resist a story about 'we' and i hope its ok, not meant to mess with your thinking any..

the crystals lay around the field, scattered it seemed randomly, like chance... one spoke to the other... 'you are a part of me' ... the others in the area overheard and tried to find ways of moving closer together... they had no feet, no legs, couldnt move... but they could communicate.. together they spoke in unison.. We are One and the Same!

hope it helps..

[Mouse_]

You have to mourn the loss of the fantasy that only you and T exist...it hurts at first but its these normal life revelations that we experience in therapy that lead us to a stronger place..would you really want to continue in the fantasy that theres only you and T? there is no personal growth in that...with this situation, eventually, you will find in "real" life situations you will be stronger when faced with "disllusionment"...

[velcro003]

I think my T discloses the perfect amount. I've found out over the months that she has four kids. I did freak out a little when I got a fax at my work with a registration form for her daughter's sports academy. I had TOO much information! Cell numbers, addresses, partner's name...I just registered her, and put the file away!

[kim_johnson]

ugh. my therapist tells me more than i want to know too:

'my wife is going to have a baby'

'lalalalallalallalalalallalalalalalla'

ugh

stoppit. enough already :-(

but clearly your therapist was using the royal we

:-)

[ECHOES]

but clearly your therapist was using the royal we

:-)

*laughing* .. thanks, I needed that

[ECHOES]

...thinking... wondering.. maybe she's DID ?

[sunrise]

ECHOES, do you think you will get to a point where you do learn more about your T and are comfortable with it? Or do you think the blank slate approach will continue indefinitely? I know your T is psychoanalytic so doesn't reveal a lot about herself. It might be interesting to discuss your reaction to her "we." She might not even be aware she dropped her blank slate for a moment. Or maybe she did that intentionally.... Maybe it is time for her to be a bit more real.... Scary, I know!

[ECHOES]

Sunny, she isn't a blank slate, but I know what you mean. Really, she often talks a lot for being pyschoanalytically oriented. Yes she knows that about herself, as she told me when I mentioned it.

I am debating mentioning the WE. I wonder if she said it intentionally. It's just that if I do bring it up, then I'm likely to get more details. I know how I am. If I know too much about her it will influence me greatly. Already I want to dress like her. She said she is a jazz fan. Jazz has always been one of my least favorite styles of music, yet now I am looking at it with more interest, determined to like it---SHE likes it so there must be something likable about it. Maybe knowing more will help define the separateness. Maybe it will widen the gap of the powerful, successful, knowledgable therapist and the unsuccessful, no-life patient. That gap intimidates me very much.

Perhaps Mouse is right. I have been noticing that my times of struggle often are a result of reality slamming up against fantasy (yeah, I told T) so maybe it would be calmer if that fantasy got lost. I can see that, yet it feels too soon.

I don't know. I want to feel like I'm talking to a therapist. It's a different relationship than a social relationship and that's why it seems that her private life stuff doesn't belong in there.

I think I feel like she's forcing it on me---Oh!!..that may be the whole issue.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

yet it feels too soon.

I really support the path of going with your gut on these things. It sounds like you know what you need right now.

Maybe it will widen the gap of the powerful, successful, knowledgable therapist and the unsuccessful, no-life patient.

I understand that feeling. I know that despite being very close in therapy, I don't think T and I would be drawn to each other in real life. He would seem too far above me in functionality, in having his act together, somehow. And, also, he is an EXTREME extrovert, and I am not. One on one, in his office, we can meet, and dialog, and connect. But in the real world, his extroversion would overwhelm me, I'm sure, and I would retreat. Alone in that room, we can meet despite those things, and he can come down or I can come up, and we can match each other, or play off each other, for an hour a week. It's sweet, and bittersweet.

[phoenix7]

I was shocked and amazed that my T had a life outside of his room -- didnt he live there waiting for his next patient/client? LOL

I think I wanted therapy in a box - (the box being the room) and that being outside of the normal universe - I go in tell him all the crazy things in my head - he helps me decide what to do - I leave and the "box" falls back into its T dimension till the next patient rings the buzzer !... isnt that how it works?! you mean he has a life! WOW ! must get one of those!

Seriously though Echoes I would mention it to your T - maybe its somthing you need to sort out ...

Hmmm maybe i can invent a therapist in your pocket - whenever you need help you just take them out and they help you ! then back in the pocket for next time always there when you need them

Originally Posted by phoenix7

Hmmm maybe i can invent a therapist in your pocket - whenever you need help you just take them out and they help you ! then back in the pocket for next time always there when you need them

LOL - I tried this - Orange Blossom even made one for me - wonder if I'm smart enough to go and find the post?? T and I joke about my "pocket t"

I really needed the fantasy of T living in that office, waiting for me, for a long time. I told him CLEARLY that I didn't want to know anything about his life outside of the office, unless it was something I specifically asked. I did find out early in therapy that he was married with a young daughter - because I asked - and THEN I realized, I really needed him to be in that office all the time and told him not to tell me anything else.

Very recently, T has started telling me tidbits about his life, and himself - just things that come up naturally in the course of the conversation. I'm guessing that we are at some point in therapy where he has decided I need to see him as a "real" person?? But I think if it upset me, and I told him, he would stop. I kind of like knowing a little more about T right now.

Echoes, I really DO think this could be an important topic for therapy....there is a lot to explore here. (((((((((((((((((ECHOES)))))))))))))))))

[pachyderm]

[pachyderm]

Not wanting T to talk about himself: I think that my aversion to this comes at least partly from experience with my mother, who somehow seemed to be wanting me to take care of her, so she would talk about herself. Sometimes. This contradicted other behavior when she would be the total dictator of action and thought. So the switching between dictatorship and poor little waif (as in BPD mama) made me full of confused rage/fear. I thought it was a deliberate trick.

Don't know if this helps or hinders whoever is reading...

[ECHOES]

I got brave and we talked about this tonight. Thanks Mouse, Sunny, and everyone

But I'm too tired to write more tonight. Sleep well everyone!

[phoenix7]

hey pachyderm - I love the pic of T in your pocket! want one ! NOW! LOL

would love to hear what it says?!

Now how do you feel about that?

What makes you think that?

can you hold that thought (me jumping off of something very high) while i get this other phone call? LOL

thanks I needed a laugh today P7

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

I can't imagine telling this dweeb my most intimate thoughts.

Originally Posted by ECHOES

...thinking... wondering.. maybe she's DID ?

AHHHHHH you said the line first. I was literally JUST about to post the same exact thing, but you already did.

I'm sure when she said "we" she was only referring to herself and her dog.

Hahahaa, I would die if my T said "we." I would go into complete denial and make up a delusion that worked for me, hahaha.

[Wreck]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I can't imagine telling this dweeb my most intimate thoughts.

i don't know -- he looks pretty hot in those red underwear.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Wreck

i don't know -- he looks pretty hot in those red underwear.

it's the vacant look in those eyes - like a financial advisor I once knew - a little spooky, anyone home?

Originally Posted by earthmama

LOL - I tried this - Orange Blossom even made one for me - wonder if I'm smart enough to go and find the post?? T and I joke about my "pocket t"

i remember telling an old mentor (she was a therapist but not in this role) that i needed a miniature version of her in my place to help me out now and then. she joked that all i needed was her head. lol, so then i pictured her miniature talking head sitting on my dresser.

hmm...why doesn't the original quote appear? i'm having trouble understanding the code here.