Just another day....down, unable to think...T

I don't know what is going on with me, I'm so afraid of so many irrational things that hold so true to me in my mind. You'll forget me, somethings wrong with you, it goes on and on until the circle spirals. I confess....but I have faith what I confess is not true...and it won't be.....my mind just won't stop.

Moonkin,
I have been reading your posts and they break my heart, because i know the intensity and extreme emotions you are feeling. The adult you knows that you are getting out of control with your obsessive thoughts, but it's hard to fight. If you take a step back though, and think about it rationally it tends to help. Think of what you would say to someone you knew who was having the same feelings towards their T. You know she cares about you, and you know she will be back. Unfortunately, no matter how many times other people tell you that, you need to be the one to tell yourself that and BELIEVE it. Take care of yourself, do something you enjoy. Try to fight the obsessive thoughts that come to mind. when they come, stop them. say "No, T did not forget me. She cares, she's told me she cares. She will be back and i will forget this ever happened." you HAVE to talk to yourself. it sounds crazy, but it works. reassure yourself. Believe you will be ok. My T said that to me cause she is going away too. I know what your going through, i'm in the same boat. why don't you make something for your T to give to her when she gets back? You will be ok. Have the adult you take over.

Thanks so much, it made me cry but in a great way, its just so much goes on in my mind, its so big ya know, sounds crazy but I feel Like my mind has no space, like I just e-mailed T and now regret it, because I'll expect a message I won't get when I need it.....but I will do as you recommended.....I won't give up...for T..

Dustin

I was worrying about an e-mail I sent to T recently, worrying what he would think, that I was bothering him, that he wouldn't want to work with me anymore. TOTAL spiral.

And then some rational part of me took over and I realized - ONE e-mail can't change our relationship - something we have worked hard, over a long time, to build. It's the same with your T's vacation....one trip away won't change how she feels about you, or your relationship. I am sure of it.

My Teacher T taught me to use distraction first, then self-soothing, then call a friend, THEN call T, then call 911 (this is in case of emergency). It works. Can you find something to do to distract yourself from your thoughts? Sometimes a lighthearted movie works for me - it takes me away from my thoughts for a while. Or changing what I am doing. Teacher T told me try doing something constructive, like baking... I like coloring too.

What do you like to do to distract yourself??

What do you like to do to distract yourself??

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Well the first thing to come to mind is, being with T, it distracts my pain, rids it, and I feel soft, warm, and free.

But I know thats not the right answer.

Honestly I don't know, I've watched so many things on tv and movies, yet when it ends, my life goes back.....sometimes even while being busy my life never changes...

Its just T told me once she may move to Texas (that's where she is now for vacation) if ....well that part doesn't matter.....I can't loose her.

(((((( Moonkin ))))))

I don't think T would want you to be continually worrying about her. I'm sure she would want you to be taking care of you and trying to enjoy your holiday time.

Reassure yourself that T has not run off, she is coming back and yes she will think of you at times.

Maybe you could take your mind off things by doing some drawing, writing a poem or listening to music.

Thinking of you.

Thanks Peg, its so odd I was just thinking of you....then I get a reply from you...thanks.

((((((((Dustin))))))))

I really think you need to do more active things that get you out of your environment/house when you feel like that. You have to physically change your situation sometimes to overcome anxious/obsessive thoughts. Activities with other people are best when (as EM correctly put it) you start to "spiral" like that, you need something to pull you out of the anxiety/obsessive zone. Watching movies and reading books can only do that for so long, as you are still left with only your own thoughts. If the anxiety is strong, it could overtake your thoughts and interfere with reading books and watching TV/movies, leaving you right back where you were.

Hang in there Dustin.