[MissCharlotte]

I have been seeing T a little over two years. We have had a productive, if not volatile relationship.

I am in a place right now where I don't know how to move forward with him. I have tried to discuss this but he seems defensive. He doesn't seem like the same T I "fell in love with." His empathy meter needs to be charged and when I left there yesterday I felt ugly.

I haven't been able to "find him" for the past six sessions. And there was a week in between of his vacation.

I am seriously considering winding down our work. I never in a million years would have thought about this at this point--because I feel as though we are just in the middle of working through some serious stuff. But I don't see a way forward. So how do you wind down a serious therapy? Do you start going once a week and then poof, it's over? Do you set a time/date? Do you give notice, like a job? "Okay T in two weeks it's over?" How does this happen?

I am sitting here, trying to figure out a good enough excuse not to go on Monday--not a good sign at all. I don't want to feel what I am feeling right now.

[deliquesce]

when i thought about terminating with my T, i asked him at the end of the session if we could have a session dedicated solely to talking about the decision. i was prepared to decide to either stay or go, but i wanted a session first where we could talk about it.

of course, when the session rolled around, i just sat there mute the whole time. i do stupid things like that, sometimes. we had a break, in the end, and i returned eventually.

then when i *really* terminated last time, i just told him at the end of the session i didnt want to see him anymore. feels like a loss, because i wanted to process it with him, but he stopped being a safe person for me to go to, i guess.

if you are torn about whether to stop, then i would suggest having the termination discussion. if you find he is still resistant to owning some of the problem, then i guess you have your answer.

[ECHOES]

((( MissC )))

I'm sorry you're struggling with how to move forward. Curiously, you're answering this question with considering a move in the opposite direction, backing away.

So hard to feel alone in session and so natural to wonder, why go?
Sometimes I have gone just to say I didn't want to come, I spent the last 2 days thinking of cancelling, I'm not sure why I'm here today except that I am committed to going even (and particularly?) when I don't feel like I want to go. For me, it is part of my commitment to this therapy; in the past I have dropped every therapy/therapists abruptly by just never returning.

Believing that everything and anything can be explored in therapy, I hope you will go and talk to T about how you're feeling about therapy and T and moving forward and winding down.

Meanwhile, I'll sit with you while you ponder

Originally Posted by deliquesce

when i thought about terminating with my T, i asked him at the end of the session if we could have a session dedicated solely to talking about the decision. i was prepared to decide to either stay or go, but i wanted a session first where we could talk about it.

.

I think this is a great suggestion. I had a point in therapy when I was honestly and truly ready to go or stay...and leaning toward going. T asked me to come in for a session to talk about it, and I did. We both understood that it might be the last session, and we both worked hard to figure out what was going on, where the connection had gone, what both of our parts were in what was happening at the time.

I was lucky and T owned his part of what was happening...that helped a lot. I remember towards the end of the session feeling like "if I leave here feeling disconnected, I don't think I can come back" and I decided to take the risk and let my walls down. T and I have ways that we connect, so I asked him for one of those things (coming to sit with me) and he did and I tried really hard to accept his reaching out.

I didn't feel completely reconnected when I left, but I DID feel like it was worth coming back and continuing to try with him. And it was worth it.

I wonder....can you go on Monday and just be really honest about how you are feeling? That you don't even know if you should continue? Maybe the two of you can look at what is happening - what is happening with you, AND what is happening with him - and start to find your way out of the place you are at.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Miss C))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry that you must be having a really hard weekend

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((( MissCharlotte )))))))))))))))))))

I agree that maybe you should talk to him some more about this, maybe you could cut back on how often you see him instead of terminating all together.

[searchingmysoul]

(((((((((((MissCharlotte))))))))))

I, too, have recently had a place where I was asking myself whether to stay or go...Had three very disconnected sessions in a row...I was disconcerting and I felt lost. I even said that I didn't see what good going to Th was doing me. Had a session where I was quite volitile. Oh boy.... I was really very stuck. So was my T. It was quite painful.

I agree with the other posters that saying where you are with Th and T and why and that you are thinking about termination would, at the very least, clear the air.

Take care, whatever you decide.

[MissCharlotte]

((Echoes))

Thanks for sitting with me. Would you like a brownie?

I guess I'm not quitting. I spent a long time this morning trying to decide what excuse to use on Monday when I don]t' go to my appointment. None sound plausible and he won't believe any of them. So I've decided that the only thing to do is to move forward really really slowly--like a snail. I will probably pay $100 to sit for 45 minutes and say nothing.

I have to establish safety again in his office. BAck to square one. I'm not sure how I will do this but some have suggested (in the other thread) changing seats. That might be good. Of course I've already sat everywhere but I haven't lied down!

Thanks.

[MissCharlotte]

((GimmeIce))

Think I could be THE TERMINATOR?

LOL

TY

[MissCharlotte]

((searching))

It was quite painful.

Oh yes.

[MissCharlotte]

((Earthmama))

Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

I try to be very honest -- it is my personal challenge. Thanks for the reminder.

[phoenix7]

With my current T i had a period where i would come out and say to myself what just happened - I felt disconnected - I discussed this with her and things are moving along again - i think the theraputic relationship has maybe gotten stronger because of it - good luck with your T

[coconut64]

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

I am seriously considering winding down our work. I never in a million years would have thought about this at this point--because I feel as though we are just in the middle of working through some serious stuff. But I don't see a way forward. So how do you wind down a serious therapy? Do you start going once a week and then poof, it's over? Do you set a time/date? Do you give notice, like a job? "Okay T in two weeks it's over?" How does this happen?

I am sitting here, trying to figure out a good enough excuse not to go on Monday--not a good sign at all. I don't want to feel what I am feeling right now.

((((((((((((((((((((MC))))))))))))))))))))))))

I totally get it, I could have written the same paragraph above. I don't want to go on Monday either.