fetal position?

I feel a bit relieved to hear that I'm not the only one who has little physical quirks they engage in when they feel some strong feelings of danger, vulnerability, etc.

With me it's a very specific reaction only to issues of female opinions about masculine/male identity issues re: the sex abuse related and corollary abuse topics. It's never happened with the two male therapists. Just my longtime female T. I think there's an element of shame about myself; maybe needing to be safe from the "female gaze" in feeling like I'm being judged in physical terms. Really, really intense feelings--the most extreme of any type.

My mother and grandmother were quite abusive in different ways from each other (encompassing physical and emotional abuse). I have no problem with females... it's just sharing certain things with them they have to pass my internal test.

Hence, female T's and I... are not in my cards. Which is fine, as I like my current (male) T and have no plans of changing. I also am not sure a female would understand some of my issues, as I only "open up" with certain females I have ascertained as "safe" and not hypercritical or otherwise abusive.

I have no problems with females in general, only when it comes to the T or confidante position... then again, I don't really share with males either, other than my T... hmm interesting. Hadn't really thought of that before... I think maybe I'm not trusting of people in "authority" type positions (real or assumed).

Yes, I have the very same distrust of women. That's why it took so long to be comfortable with my female T. (Though I haven't talked fully about the main issue(s) with any other woman until a few weeks ago with my friend who's a "big sister" type for me). But it also helped that I had a F T; male T's didn't arouse the related emotions and thoughts in me that she did. I don't think I could have worked thru some of that stuff with men; the issues didn't come into play to be worked on. I think the female T and I eventually hit a wall, though, where the sexual transference interfered with the relationship beyond that initial period. First the good of it outweighed the bad, then the bad outweighed the good when some of the stuff had been worked thru.

imapatient - i understand your comments.
I had to choose between male T and SA issues, and female T and emotional abuse issues. I chose the female T and feel that we have had enough time to work through the SA stuff to establish some solid trust on my part before we get into the other.