[krazibean]

Is giving T a cd that consists of (love) songs that remind me of her, songs that i wish she would sing to me, and songs that inspire me like her.....is that breaking a boundary?

i want to make up a cd for T but i'm not sure if its appropriate....

I think different Ts have different policies on accepting gifts. I know some people on this board have posted about giving/receiving CDs from their Ts. I don't know how common that is. I personally have never given my T anything and think I would feel weird about doing so (I would be afraid she had a policy against it and wouldn't want me to).

Have you given your T anything else before? Do you know what her policy on this is? Would you be hurt if she didn't want to accept it? Those are the things I would think about.

On the other hand, lots of people bring things to read to their Ts to explain how they're feeling. If that's why you want to give it to her, I could see that being therapeutically helpful. Maybe you could lend it to her, instead of giving it to her, if she would agree to listen to it for that purpose? Or maybe you could bring in some of the lyrics you wanted her to hear and ask her to read them, and then talk about them?

I guess I would try to figure out why I wanted to give such a gift to my T, what is it I was trying to tell her, what response I wanted from her. I would try to unravel all of that in my head...

[imapatient]

Originally Posted by krazibean

Is giving T a cd that consists of (love) songs that remind me of her, songs that i wish she would sing to me, and songs that inspire me like her.....is that breaking a boundary?

i want to make up a cd for T but i'm not sure if its appropriate....

I think it’s “not inappropriate.” It's not really a boundary breaker, it’s an attempt attempted boundary changer.

You're not doing anything to violate her personal space, her personal life. You're not behaving inappropriately. So in that sense it's not a boundary violation.

What you want to do is transcend the barrier between you and your T in terms of connecting on a personal, non-therapy related level. That's an attempt to change the boundaries, open up a new type of connection.

It's important to tell your T about this because it reveals the depth of your desire for a personal connection--that's not a bad thing at all. It's important for both of you to understand that and what your relationship means to you. That's therapy. And you need to tell her why you picked the songs you did.

I don't think there's any harm in bringing in it in. It better demonstrates the strength of your feelings. But I would highly doubt that she'd take it, or if so, not for the reasons you'd like. It’s all fodder for understanding yourself.

[Mouse_]

Its not so much you are breakig about boundary laws, as much as how does your T handle what you are offering.

This really has nothing to do with giving gifts. Krazibean isn't spending money on her T. She is giving her something that she made.

Krazibean, I have done this various times with my T. Songs that I have chosen have had various meanings: some have been symbolic to my relationship with T, some are songs that are very significant to me in regards to how I am feeling at a particular time because of my very strong connectiont to music, and some have been symbolic of my relationship with my Dad.

Giving him the CDs was a great idea because it gave him yet another way to know me-- therapy doesn't have to be all about talking. There are other creative ways in which we can let our Ts know who we are. Giving your T a CD is like giving her another window into who you are.

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by krazibean

Is giving T a cd that consists of (love) songs that remind me of her, songs that i wish she would sing to me, and songs that inspire me like her.....is that breaking a boundary?

I think a better idea would be to create this CD. Include all the loving little details you can think of. Wrap it up with care. Then give it to who it is really meant for... YOU.

Krazibean.... I am not being a smartass here. What you are doing is very creative and probably something you need to do. But you own words seem to indicate that it is not really a gift for your T. What a great activity in nurturing your SELF. It is a way to explore and recognize what you really like and want.

My vote is that you go all out and DO IT. But give it to the right person--YOU.

Originally Posted by chaotic13

I think a better idea would be to create this CD. Include all the loving little details you can think of. Wrap it up with care. Then give it to who it is really meant for... YOU.

This is a great idea, chaotic, and SO wise. And krazibean, I know T would love to hear about this self-nurturing you did for yourself...