[krazibean]

I have a facebook myself, and have often wondered if she had one. I would search for her every once in awhile and feel sorta relieved to find she didn't have one. She's not "apart of that world".

Recently in session T was sharing with me how she "reconnected" with some old friends from high school, and she was saying how cool it was to be "messaging back and forth." My first thought was, i wonder if she made a facebook.

I searched her name, and there she is. Its a picture of her with her son oustide. Her name is black (for those of you who don't have a facebook that means her name isn't a link so you can't click on and view her profile). Part of me is SOOOO curious....to look at her info, her "friends", her comments, her pics, her status....but part of me is like whoaa. she only has 12 friends and i'm pretty sure all of them are old and actual FRIENDS that she's using facebook to reconnect with. It would be weird if a client friend requested her. But at the same time, she knows i have a facebook cause i've talked about it before...and other people must have too....don't you think she should be prepared for someone she works with to discover her???

Becoming a "friend" on facebook feels like its crossing a line. but at the same time, what can it hurt? we know each other and have a relationship...why would i ignore the fact that theres someone out there on facebook that i know? Seeing it makes me realize how real she is, and that im not invited to that. If i friend her i could get rejected and lectured, and even seen as weird. I'd also be self conscious of things i post on my profile in fear that she'd be looking at it and "analyzing" me. If i don't friend her, i'll be searching her name every day to see if its still there or if her profile picture changed...i'll be borderline obsessed. To friend or not to friend? I think i know the answer....and the reality of it makes me really sad....

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by krazibean

I have a facebook myself, and have often wondered if she had one. I would search for her every once in awhile and feel sorta relieved to find she didn't have one. She's not "apart of that world".

Recently in session T was sharing with me how she "reconnected" with some old friends from high school, and she was saying how cool it was to be "messaging back and forth." My first thought was, i wonder if she made a facebook.

I searched her name, and there she is. Its a picture of her with her son oustide. Her name is black (for those of you who don't have a facebook that means her name isn't a link so you can't click on and view her profile). Part of me is SOOOO curious....to look at her info, her "friends", her comments, her pics, her status....but part of me is like whoaa. she only has 12 friends and i'm pretty sure all of them are old and actual FRIENDS that she's using facebook to reconnect with. It would be weird if a client friend requested her. But at the same time, she knows i have a facebook cause i've talked about it before...and other people must have too....don't you think she should be prepared for someone she works with to discover her???

Becoming a "friend" on facebook feels like its crossing a line. but at the same time, what can it hurt? we know each other and have a relationship...why would i ignore the fact that theres someone out there on facebook that i know? Seeing it makes me realize how real she is, and that im not invited to that. If i friend her i could get rejected and lectured, and even seen as weird. I'd also be self conscious of things i post on my profile in fear that she'd be looking at it and "analyzing" me. If i don't friend her, i'll be searching her name every day to see if its still there or if her profile picture changed...i'll be borderline obsessed. To friend or not to friend? I think i know the answer....and the reality of it makes me really sad....

(((((((((kiya)))))))))

I keep a lot of stuff private on my Facebook account.
I think most people should be careful about public access to their personal life via the Internet. Since this seems like common knowledge to me, I would think that a therapist would be kinda... sensitive to that, but then again many people simply don't know the power of the Internet. Then there are other people who have 300 "friends" and I have to wonder if they realize their potential future employer can access their personal information...

I wouldn't want to be friends with my T, and I haven't even looked if he's on Facebook... in truth I don't even visit Facebook or MySpace that often so I don't really care I guess. Even so, it would make me feel freaky to "friend" my therapist, so I wouldn't do it.

I think your status quo situation is great, so I wouldn't put yourself out there for possible rejection (which is possible as she might have strict personal rules for who she accepts on her friends list).
I know a lot about my T but there's certain areas I just don't even want to go and Facebook or MySpace are two of them.

My suggestion is don't bother with it. You have a great relationship with your T and so I wouldn't open a can of worms.

[winterbaby]

No, I wouldn't friend her at all, I cannot see a T wanting a client on their facebook page, (no offense as I am also a client of a T with a facebook page!)

My T has a facebook. I added her and she declined. We talked about it later. She said it would break confidentiality. If someone saw me and then asked her "HEY! How do you know ____?" It'd be awkward. She said once I am officially a therapist it would be a bit different. We could know each other on a professional level and people wouldn't think twice about it.
Yeah I was bit a crushed. I have little ones who wanted to see pics of her and her little guy. But she is doing it for protection of me, and also to save awkwardness if people ask me how I know her...

My T is so not internet-savvy, so I am positive he doesn't have a facebook.

If he did, there is NO WAY I would send a friend request...he is my therapist, and not my friend, and it is a huge deal to me that it stays that way. I used to be very curious about his personal life...and I do know more and more about it from stories he's shared in therapy...but I really don't want to know "too much". I like the boundaries that we have.

Krazibean, if you do friend your therapist, I would be prepared for a "No" - not because she doesn't care about you very much - but because it is important for her to keep her private life and her professional life separate.

[sunrise]

I wouldn't "friend" my T on facebook because my T is not my friend.

My T is on Linked In, and I go to that site sometimes but I haven't signed up. It's a Professional site for career networking and making professional connections. I think I might consider making a link to him there, possibly, but it's not a pressing issue as I'm not a member yet. I am a member on MySpace and I certainly wouldn't want my T to see my page there.

I would be shocked if a T would accept clients as friends on a social networking site, for the confidentiality reasons mentioned above if nothing else. And I think your point about not necessarily wanting her to see everything you do on FB is good too -- you are entitled to your own boundaries/privacy too and that's a good thing. I would think very carefully about whether you really want that boundary removed, from your perspective...

Maybe you could talk to her about this in your next session? Just explain how it's wierd for you, because the therapy relationship is so atypical of other relationships, and it makes questions like that come up. There's no reason you can't talk about the weirdness of it, without you actually putting yourself out there for rejection.

[anna342]

Sorry, but I have to agree with the others, your T's life is seperate from their job and I kinda think facebook is part of their 'other' life.

[GrayNess]

I'd think that having her as a facebook friend could lead to breaking confidentiality (of other patients) or having her favour you over her other patients, then also give therapy to a friend. I just see a bunch of ethical/legal problems with that, but if those didn't exist, then sure, go for it. You could also talk to the T about it in a session about adding them and seeing their response.

However, I'd assume that what happens in the session stays in the session (unless you're an immediate threat). Or just simply let it be part of her personal life and let it be part of your personal life.

I haven't a clue whether my T has facebook simply because I don't have one so her having one wouldn't concern me at all.

[Susaan van Zyl]

Hi, for what it's worth ... I don't think you should, I had a similar experience recently with my pdoc, where I think we've crossed a boundary, and the funny thing is that it's really negatively affected the therapy, which I realised afterwards, is the most important factor in our relationship! Take care, I know the temptation is big

[KUREHA]

I think you know what will happen if you try and add her.

I know if my psychologist did - she wouldn't accept and I'm not going to look because I know if I did and she had 1 - I'd probably want to add her, but I know what would happen if I did, so there's no way I would.

It's her personal life and I know she would want to keep it private.

[peaches100]

I don't think there's anything wrong with searching for info on our t's on the Internet, as I consider it all public info. But I agree with the others that wanting to be added to your t's Friends list on Facebook is not a good idea. I think it crosses boundaries. T's aren't permitted to have clients as friends, as that is considered having a "dual relationship," one in which you are therapist-client, but also friend-friend. It is consider unethical.

Consider talking to your t about your discovery of her Facebook page. Let her know you desire to know more about her life, and why. Perhaps she would agree to disclose a bit more to you about her life, within the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship, without crossing boundaries. Since the therapy relationship is so unique, and not like any other relationships we have in life, it might be helpful to ask your t to explain to you more clearly what the therapeutic relationship involves, what can be included in it, and where the lines get drawn.

[hangingon]

I have personally searched the internet for things on my T , I didn't find much at all. I think it's normal to want to be sure the person you are sharing personal information with is safe.

However, personally, I would not venture to add her as a friend on facebook, that is her personal realm. As someone said before, they really are not there to be our friend, and blurring that boundary could cause issues. If they didn't respond or appeared to be ignoring you ect. it could make the relationship much more complicated.

I heard someone mention on another site that they became friends with their T's daughter on facebook, when the T found out, she terminated the patient due to that connection. The patient was devistated and there was nothing she could do to reverse the situation.

All T's may not react the same way but I believe thats a boundary that probably should not be crossed for your safety as well.
hangingon

[falcon2002]

My T has a Myspace And Facebook Account. I'm like Wow

[apumic]

WHOAH...Boundaries!!!

Your therapist SHOULD deny such a request, but not doing so is definitely a boundaries issue. It would be best to refrain from crossing those kinds of relationship boundaries while in a therapeutic relationship w/ someone. It wouldn't be healthy for either of you.