[phoenix7]

Now I know how some of you feel when you say you miss your T - Ive had some bad flashbacks the last couple of days (are there any good one's ) - they leave a stain on you - its like once the panic subsides they suck the life out of you - one was from a memory i didnt know i have - thats the hardest because I dont understand ....

- the overwhelming darkness that follows ..... I miss my T - I feel safe in her office - I have used pain as a grounding technique because it was the only one that worked - I try to imagine myself in her office - safe - but its empty - I need somthing to ground me apart from pain - I know this will pass and things will get better - its just hard to believe that at the moment.. I Have an appt on Tuesday - thats not long away - I will be fine til then - keep the walls up and the doors closed tight - just wanted to say that I understand now, more than ever. P7

(((((((((((((((((((((((P7))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thinking of you....flashbacks are hard and scary! Can you call your T for extra support if you need to?

I understand using pain as a grounding technique, because I have to do that sometimes too. Sometimes I can get grounded by touching 5 things, listening to 5 things, naming 5 things, etc....just to get myself present in the space and the NOW that I am in. Maybe that is something different you can try??

Thinking of you and sending

[darkrunner]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((P7)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sending safe thoughts and hugs your way....
I'm sorry you are suffering.
Take care and please be safe....

[hangingon]

Just a few more days phoenix, just a few more. It's wonderful that you feel safe with your T.
Sending you safe hugs as well.
hangingon

[Kiya]

oooh.... ((((safe hugs?)))) sorry you are struggling with those!! At such times I have used art to help me ground - drawing t's office and me there. Hoping you are safe and can make it til tuesday! Like Earth asked, can you call?? Oh I also use reading as an escape - mostly Harry Potter because they are long, detailed, and full of trouble so i don't think about my own troubles. Breathe!!! Do the steps; drink water, turn on lots of light, get a stuffy, be warm, get a blanket, breathe in 4 and out 5, tell yourself you are in the present; say your name, the date, your current age, start identifying your space around you - so you cognitvely help yourself to know you are not in that scary time.

[phoenix7]

((((Earthmama, ktgirl, hangingon, Kiya )))) - thankyou - no I cant call - there are no calls inbetween sessions and she is away councilling at the bush fires - Im just tired now - exhausted - feel like ive run a marathon - took sleeping pills the lat 2 nights - have one left for tonight - ive managed to push it to the back of my mind - where i hope it will stay till tuesday -

tried the counting things - but I couldnt remember the names - it would have looked so funny - one yellow thingy, one white square thing, then i lost my colours so it was one thing... two thing... pain worked...
its just there... the scary panic - but i am keeping it at bay - its hard to admit this is a memory coming back - hard to admit what i saw was me - I tell myself that was then this is now - but it feels like now - not long till tuesday - saturdays almost over....breathe.........lights on thats a good thing... lights on .. in control....

I drew tonight Kiya - I drew the child that I see as my pain, sitting on the pavement huddled in the rain - empty, alone, but I drew her, she is not alone anymore - I am with her. Maybe that is what i will draw next - me sitting beside her.... so she is not alone - we are not alone anymore - Stay safe everyone

[Mouse_]

P7, Its hard at first, but eventually you will be able to find the safety you feel in your T's office is portable and goes with you. It doesn't happen over night, but with time it does grow. Until then though, its the deep feelings of loss and missing T that holds us together even though it feels it breaks us apart. Within those feelings of loss are hope.

Originally Posted by phoenix7

I drew the child that I see as my pain, sitting on the pavement huddled in the rain - empty, alone, but I drew her, she is not alone anymore - I am with her. Maybe that is what i will draw next - me sitting beside her.... so she is not alone - we are not alone anymore - Stay safe everyone

What a beautiful and healing idea, P7

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

I drew tonight Kiya - I drew the child that I see as my pain, sitting on the pavement huddled in the rain - empty, alone, but I drew her, she is not alone anymore - I am with her. Maybe that is what i will draw next - me sitting beside her.... so she is not alone - we are not alone anymore - Stay safe everyone

That is a very good idea. I, too, have done that at various times. One of the most comforting to my littlest alt and to me was to draw me holding her and i wrote the words i would tell her all around the picture, so it was like a barrier of safety protecting us both.

(((((((((((P7))))))))))))))
Tuesday is not far away now - keep breathing, keep holding her.