[camel2009]

Now I feel like crap. I want 2 call and tell t that i lied but i'm a scared that she want trust me no more. i didn't want to tell truth about something so then i lied.

[darkrunner]

Hi Camel,
It can be really hard to tell the truth.
I'm sure your T will understand, and has been through situations like this before.
Would it be easier to tell her in writing, like in an email?
Maybe that would be less scary.....

[vienna]

camel,

i have done this, too. I went back the next week and told T I had lied and told him the truth instead. All he did was ask how it felt to own it. And it was all fine. Try not to worry too much. It's all a work in progress and every step you take has its own purpose no matter what it is. Just ask yourself what the best thing you can do from here is, and do it

good luck,
vienna

[cai23]

Hi Camel,
I'm sure your T will understand and won't be mad at you. Lately when I'm having a hard time telling my T something I want him to know I write him a letter. I've only just started doing this and he doesn't seem to have a problem with it.....he's just probably happy I'm communicating.
Take care...cai

[deliquesce]

i lied to my pdoc at our first meeting. i only came clean about it 4 years later . he didnt mind at all - said as he got to know me, that he realised it was too much too soon, and i only lied to protect myself. he is very gentle with me now and nowadays i feel safe enough with him to say "i dont want to talk about that" instead of lying.

[internettie]

I lied to my former T and my current Pdoc. I told the T and the Pdoc that I lied and I felt a whole lot better not keeping it to myself. In my case they were silly things to lie about but I was afraid of looking bad by tellling the truth. I'm very open now with current T and Pdoc.

[chaotic13]

Been there and done that too. If you consider avoiding questions,being vague, redirecting, and deliberately misintrepreting as indirect lying...then I kind of still lie occasionally.

I do not mean to diminish the theraputic relationship or the seriousness of the offense...but...I don't think it really matters much to our T's if we lie. What matters is what it does to US. A lie or slight distortion of the truth gives our ego (thinking brain) great stuff to torture us with between sessions. We are only hurting ourselves when we lie.

From my experience I recommend one of two things. You either contact your T and confess that you lied about X and tell him/her that you'll do your best to be more honest in the future. This will ease your guilt, disarm your ego a little bit to live more comfortably until your next session.

Or you look at yourself in the mirror, admit to yourself that you lied and commit to trying to be more open with your T on that topic. Even if being more open just means that the next time the topic comes up, you simply tell your T, "Last time you asked me about X, I wasn't really honest with you." Then you can either tell the truth or say, "I don't want to lie again, I'm not ready to go there." In this option you've at least admitted to yourself that you lied and you can work throught it yourself until next session.

IMO, the person you are "required" to be honest with is YOURSELF. Having said that, being honest with your T, although difficult at times, makes your overall therapy A LOT easier on yourself.

[MissCharlotte]

Hi Camel,

Sometimes when I don't feel like telling T something I just don't say anything at all. It's really hard to tackle sensitive topics and you shouldn't feel like you have to answer until you feel very very safe.

((((((((((((((((((((camel)))))))))))))))))))))

One thing I have learned in T is that a good T accepts us just how we are. I think your T might wonder, just with simple curiosity, what led you to lie, but I don't think she will judge you, or think less of you. I have not told T "the whole story" quite a few times, and one time he asked me a question I wasn't ready for and I literally just LIED. I told him later that I lied, and he said we share things when we're ready and I wasn't ready, and it was absolutely fine.

(((((((((((((((((((((camel))))))))))))))))))))))) Be gentle with you....you aren't the first person who has done this, and you won't be the last. It will be okay.