[Tmac]

Okay, so I did go to my first T appointment. She came down to greet me and said she really thought by my email to her that she was going to come and look for me and I would not show up. I did not like it at all. I have another appointment scheduled for Monday. I do not like probing questions so.....big issue to start off. Of course I am sure they are the same with most T's trying to get to know you and how you grew up and your family dynamics. Of course I got one of those....hmmm interesting family comments. I thought why didn't she just say typical dysfunctional family. All these questions I had a hard time answering and now am feeling very vulnerable and uncomfortable inside. I am now feeling guilty I was not 100% honest on some things like SI. She did say I must have a lot of anger in me from childhood till now that needs to be worked out. From what little I did say she said I am in for a long road and need a lot of help working through it all.....even my childhood that for the most part I have little or no memory of. She realizes right now the main issues are due to the assault in October. She did not make me pay her today and understands this current issue is from the assault that took place at work. She is willing to speak to the lawyer about my situation and also wants me to se a psychiatrist to get properly medicted. Which has already been an issue the workers comp doc gave me a script for Lexapro and they denied paying for it. I am not feeling too good now having been there and don't know what else to say. I am not sure that I am a strong enough person to be able to go through this whole process.

[darkrunner]

((((((((((((((((Tmac)))))))))))))))))))))

I really understand all you said - it is so SO hard.

GOOD JOB making it to the first appointment. There are always so many questions the first time because they are doing the initial assessment. And it can be very uncomfortable.

Please don't feel bad for "not being 100% honest". It is smart to disclose what you are comfortable with and when you feel ready. It will take a while to build up trust. She sounds like a good T, and I hope you do go back on Monday.

In the meantime, can you do something to take extra special care of yourself tonight? You deserve it because you took such a huge difficult step today. Maybe take a bath, read a good book, have some tea, or watch a movie? It can help to stay distracted from your feelings of vulnerability and being uncomfortable, and if you can't, maybe let it all out in a journal or something.

You said:

I am not sure that I am a strong enough person to be able to go through this whole process.

You proved today that you ARE strong enough.
You did what you didn't think you could do, and I know you can keep going.
wishing you some peace......

[phoenix7]

Tmac that was very brave of you to go I know how hard and scary that would have been - I know I was terrified at my first appt - and I am glad your T will talk to the people about them paying - it is hard work - but you can do it - because you are worth it and deserve to get better - take care P7

[Hunny]

(((((((( TMAC ))))))

and with all the snow too.

Make lots of snow angels this week till next, in otherwords have fun, as much as is possible.

You are worth it!

Ice

The process is definitely scary. Just start slow. It's okay that you didn't reveal things like your SI. I did not tell my T about my SI for a long time. Sometimes we keep things hidden in therapy until we are ready to let them out. I have been with my T for 3 1/2 years and sometimes I will say something and he goes, "You never told me that before!!!" I always joke with him and say, "Ummm was I supposed to tell you every single thing in the first session? What would have been the point of subsequent sessions?"

[skeksi]

Everyone's given great advice; it's okay to go slow. It's okay to decline to answer some questions. And don't get down on yourself for lying or fibbing. I think we all do it to some extent. As you feel more comfortable you will be more okay with being truthful about things you are ashamed of.

It's great that you kept the appointment!

(((((((((((((TMac))))))))))))))))

You did it!!

It's a hard process to go through, but so worth it. Just going for that first appointment is such a huge and brave first step.

Be extra gentle with you tonight. Breathe a sigh of relief and pat yourself on the back and let yourself do something fun and relaxing. You deserve it!

[chaotic13]

(((Tmac))) sounds like you did well in your 1st visit. The "getting to know you" part of therapy really sucks. I don't want to ever have to do that part again. But hang in there...once the therapeutic relationship is established the benefits will start outweighing the discomforts.

[brephi]

Originally Posted by Tmac

Okay, so I did go to my first T appointment. She came down to greet me and said she really thought by my email to her that she was going to come and look for me and I would not show up. I did not like it at all. I have another appointment scheduled for Monday. I do not like probing questions so.....big issue to start off. Of course I am sure they are the same with most T's trying to get to know you and how you grew up and your family dynamics. Of course I got one of those....hmmm interesting family comments. I thought why didn't she just say typical dysfunctional family. All these questions I had a hard time answering and now am feeling very vulnerable and uncomfortable inside. I am now feeling guilty I was not 100% honest on some things like SI. She did say I must have a lot of anger in me from childhood till now that needs to be worked out. From what little I did say she said I am in for a long road and need a lot of help working through it all.....even my childhood that for the most part I have little or no memory of. She realizes right now the main issues are due to the assault in October. She did not make me pay her today and understands this current issue is from the assault that took place at work. She is willing to speak to the lawyer about my situation and also wants me to se a psychiatrist to get properly medicted. Which has already been an issue the workers comp doc gave me a script for Lexapro and they denied paying for it. I am not feeling too good now having been there and don't know what else to say. I am not sure that I am a strong enough person to be able to go through this whole process.

My first appointment is March 9. I, too, am nervous and somewhat afraid. I know that the initial appointment is going to be uncomfortable for me because they are going to want to talk about some things I may not want to talk about, especially myself. I know myself and I hope I will not try to avoid talking about some things. I'll keep in touch with you and let you know how everything goes.

[madisgram]

(((tmac)))u took the bigggest step by showing up. good for you!!! i know you may have mixed emotions right now but that's ok, why? because talking about some of the things that make u who are right now got stirred up by talking about them. i know when i first started therapy we touched on a lot of topics i had stuffed for so many years just to cope, i thought. but those feelings are still down there and if you stick with this, you will find solutions for many of those negative experiences and feelings. try to be kind to yourself and know that you have taken a big step... pat yourself on the back and keep moving forward.
glad you got to discuss the wild woman that attacked you too. anyone would have ramifications emotionally about sumthin' like this. it's traumatic.
sounds like you got a very kind T that will help you thru this process. i'm very proud of you for knowing that you needed assistance on all this. it's too much to untangle by yourself. so big hugs from me to you, tmac.

[brephi]

Sorry, I hope I didn't offend or make anyone angry. It's about my first response to this thread. I didn't like the T because I was upset on our 1st meeting. I started to talk about some things that made me cry. Her words exactly were "GET A GRIP."

When I think about how callous she was I still let it upset me. Certainly there is nothing wrong with being 65 years old (I am 57 and hope the good Lord lets me make it to 65) and sleeping with your dog. I am a dog lover and wish I had a dog to snuggle up to especially when I am depressed.

Again, I apologize if I offended anyone.