T and I have decided to try making one of our sessions each week 90 minutes for a month to see how it goes. So I will have one 90 minute session a week and one regular session.

Today was the first 90 minute session. I know I totally dissociated during it, because at one point he was sitting in his chair across the room and then he was next to me, holding my hands. I don't know how much time passed (it didn't even occur to me to ask until just now). When I zoned back in to what was going on, I told him I felt kind of "half-there" - which is how I usually feel when I leave,and it SUCKS. We had time to get me totally regrounded before I left, which was SO awesome.

I did have a RAGING migraine for the rest of the day - that was really the only bad part - but I think for the most part, the 90 minute thing worked. T told me a bit of what happened while I was "gone". I wasn't sure how much I wanted to know, actually....he said we mostly talked about his hands and whether they were safe (?!).

Oh - at the beginning of the appointment, I told him ALL the things he's been doing lately that have been bugging me (I'm sure he loved that! lol) and he really listened and thought about it and I know he heard me. I feel like he'd gotten all "clinical" on me lately - but I know he heard that, and it wasn't like that at all today.

So, I guess the 90 minute session thing worked, at least for today. The BEST part was that I left therapy feeling fine (other than the headache) and felt really good and non-spiraly for the rest of the day. That was big. I left a message for T and told him that, and he left me a message and said if that was the ONLY outcome of the 90 minute appt, that would make it totally worth it.

I'm so glad I have such a flexible T...I really need that.

It feels good to feel better!

[emilyjeanne]

Hey EM,

I have been doing one 90 minute session and a regular one for several months now. It has helped a lot!!! I hope that it will work for you too.

[MINIME]

I am happy u have a good t. I know that they can make alot of healing by being flexiable and really making efforts.

[MissCharlotte]

(((earthmama))))

I am so glad you feel better! That is the best news of all. Dissociating gives me a headache too. Ugh.

[KUREHA]

I'm glad it went well for you
Your therapist sounds really cool

[lifelesstraveled]

(((EM))))
That's great!

I am glad you had good session and left feeling ok (despite the headache). You have such a great T who knows what you need and it looks like 90min sessions is it

[hangingon]

Good work earthmama,
I think I would enjoy 90 minutes as well, as I only really start to open up near the end then its time to leave. I go in everytime with the intention of opening up right away but it never happens

Leaving in a good state and settled must have been a great feeling. Your T's is very intune to you, and sounds like he has a huge heart.

Hangingon

[coconut64]

(((((((((((((((MB))))))))))))))))))))

I can hardly talk for 45 mins, I can't imagine being there for a whole 90 mins!!!!

[peaches100]

Earthmama,

I'm so glad you had such a great session! I also have residual mental/physical effects after I dissociate. I'm not sure if I've ever had the headache, but I usually feel mentally foggy, sometimes for the remainder of the day, and I usually feel physically exhausted! That makes it hard because after sessions, I have to go back to work, when I really feel as though I've been through some big event and need to sleep.

How do you "reground" within 5 to 10 minutes before leaving your session? I can't seem to get it together that quickly and often leaving feeling not like myself. . .

Originally Posted by peaches100

How do you "reground" within 5 to 10 minutes before leaving your session? I can't seem to get it together that quickly and often leaving feeling not like myself. . .

Right - that's the problem, and why we are trying 90 minute sessions. We probably spent 30 minutes on regrounding before I left. My appointment was at 2, and I actually didn't leave until 3:40. A lot of it was just chatting about normal life - he told me a funny story about something that had happened to him coaching soccer the day before, I played with the stuff on his desk, we chit chatted about things that are in the here and now. I had a LONG time, and his help, and it made a huge difference.

I still felt kind of "slippery" when I left - like it would be really easy for me to kind of slip away - but with some effort I was able to stay "me".

During a normal session, there is never enough time to get regrounded - and the rest of the day is REALLY hard when I leave.

(((((((((((((((((peaches))))))))))))))))))

[ECHOES]

((( earthmama ))) 90 minutes sessions! I am salivating like Pavlov's dog! That would be such a luxury! I'm really glad that you and T are doing 90 minute sessions and that it went well for you

I feel like he'd gotten all "clinical" on me lately - but I know he heard that, and it wasn't like that at all today.

Oh gosh this feel scary when it happens and so releiving when it feels good again. I just went through this with my T and it was as if I had 'lost' her, and then she came back. Whew!

What do you think triggered the migraine? Do you get them sometimes during/after therapy? I have left with terrible headaches and I really never get a headache any other time so for me I know it's from holding back in some way. It's kind of funny when you think about it, how apparently the muscles in my head thing that they can hold onto my thoughts?!

I'm glad you had a great session, em

Originally Posted by ECHOES

What do you think triggered the migraine? Do you get them sometimes during/after therapy? I have left with terrible headaches and I really never get a headache any other time so for me I know it's from holding back in some way. It's kind of funny when you think about it, how apparently the muscles in my head thing that they can hold onto my thoughts?!

I think dissociating sometimes leaves me with a big headache. I always tell T "my head hurts" and he always says "you're working hard". So maybe I'm just working too hard

[hangingon]

I also leave with a huge headache when I am talking about something really difficult. Tonight the headache was excruciating. I think it's because I try so hard to hold back the emotions.

hangingon

[MissCharlotte]

What is it with the headaches? Echoes, Of course your head muscles would THINK they could hold onto thoughts. Do your heart muscles LOVE T?

So yeah, I get headaches too in session, and I have just looked at T and said, "I have a headache." And he just looks at me and says NOTHING. And the headaches are usually surrounding a dissociation -- listening to you guys makes me wonder if it is when my mind or my heart is holding back. Maybe the headache is a defense of sorts.

Hmmmm

[ECHOES]

MissC said:

I have just looked at T and said, "I have a headache." And he just looks at me and says NOTHING.

[SpottedOwl]

(((((earthmama)))))

Yay! Congratulations on your 90 minute session! It is wonderful that your T wants to help create the best environment to heal..and sometimes 50 minutes is just a little too short to get into a deep emotional state and back out again.

About the headaches...I had a thought....
I recently read a fascinating book called 'The Divided Mind' about psychosomatic illness, and how much our mind affects our body. In the book, the Dr. talks about how the brain can restrict oxygen flow to different areas of our body when stressful emotional issues come up. (I think of it as a mini-fight/flight sort of response.)

If that is what's happening, perhaps a time of just breathing and focusing on relaxing your body and filling it with light might help at the end of each session. (As I'm writing this now, I'm thinking I should try this as well.)

Been thinking of you...many warm thoughts headed your way!

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

perhaps a time of just breathing and focusing on relaxing your body and filling it with light might help at the end of each session.

This is a great idea....I will try to remember to try this today to see if it helps. Thanks, sweet Owl!