Issues of stupid transference

I am awake unable to sleep. A couple of issues have come up with both my t's. With my reg t a couple of weeks ago we had to do a new treatment plan and for some reason i fight tha. I think it has to do with all the psych hospitals as a kid and as a 18 yo. They use ur words and twist them. Or maybey i feel hurried or judged i dont know but my t got frustrated and scared me by her change in her eyes and triggored me and 9. So 9 has been sick until a week ago she started screaming as i was almost asleep it was a flashback but she thinks my t will do the same to her. My t was gone all last week and i see her friday and she called today and i told her and she took 9 for the week. I feel bad that 9 has such yucky transference u may remember that i was ill at the er this was the story. I left a message with t saying i am sorry if that hurt her feelings but i know she is ok with whatever happens she is a good t. I know she would never hurt us but 9 gets afraid easy.

The issue with my emdr t is that since i got sick she wont do emdr we do other stuff but she wants a note from the dr and the dr i see is a pa and wont or cant write it she can call but i dont like them talking about me i want to know what is being said my medical stuff and therapy do not need to get mixed. I dont need a dr that may say u know u have issues this may be in ur head. The pa told me it was find to do emdr now so hopefully my t will accept that. I am a grownup and i can make choices and my heart dr says find. I have to go in on the 23 to see a dr not the pa but i just hope my word is good enough.

((((minime))))
I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. I hope things get better for you.

I know you dont like your doc and T mixing, but maybe they are just trying to figure out what is best and healthy for you at this time? They want you to be safe as do we.

This is a super triggering feeling for me. And like you, I start to see changes in T's eyes and the negative transference starts and things spiral out of control...

Something I have learned about that kind of transference is that as painful and scary as it is (and it is SO painful and scary!) it can lead to a lot of healing....because our T's are NOT going to hurt us like people did in the past....so we can have these negative, scary feelings and they are met with acceptance and love and it's so deeply healing. It just takes time to get there, and the waiting and hoping and fearing is so gut-wrenching.

Hang in there, sweet minime!!

Minime, I'm sorry things are so hard now. I hope your PA and your EMDR T are able to communicate. Sometimes EMDR can trigger flashbacks so EMDR practitioners always proceed with caution.

It is scary when we see our T's eyes change. Sometimes if we tell them what we saw in their eyes, they can explain better what they were feeling and we can be reassured. Maybe frustration in your T's eyes was also caring and concern.

Take care.