[mightaswelllive]

A reply to another message got me thinking about boundaries.

I wonder how much we are setting them and how much our therapists are setting them? I get the feeling that there are general therapy boundaries that serve as a general framework for all client/T relationships. But every client really is different.. so every set of boundaries must be different too, right? Do you wonder if your boundaries with your T are the same as the ones with their other clients? Do you feel like T set them or like you set them? Are your boundaries clear cut and defined?

I know that for almost a year I never contacted T out of session and didn't even know if I was allowed to. After I had an urgent situation I asked her about contact outside of session and since then it's usually been ok. And when I was in crisis, she made herself highly available for me. I know I'm needy, but I don't think I'm her neediest client. I get the feeling that Ts don't always make their boundaries clear because they want to wait and see what you need.

Thoughts?

mawl

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by mightaswelllive

A reply to another message got me thinking about boundaries.

I get the feeling that Ts don't always make their boundaries clear because they want to wait and see what you need.

Thoughts?

mawl

I'd agree with that - sometimes I dont know what I need so it must be practically impossible for t to know

[velcro003]

Hmmm....that is a good question. Boundaries were never clearly defined for me; on the first day she handed me her business card with her phone number and e-mail address on it. I never thought about it, and one day I knew my work schedule was changing and I asked if I could e-mail her when I knew what would be changing. She said it was fine. That was probably about 8 months in. Then a few months later (last Thanksgiving), I was home alone all weekend, and got very sad, and on a whim e-mailed her because I was on a every 2 week session, and it was going to be awhile.

I sat there and read, and re-read, and re-read this 3 line e-mail for like an hour. I eventually just sent it, and she wrote back that night! On Thanksgiving She didn't say much, but reassured me that she was there for me. I've since e-mailed her a couple more times, and each time I feel guilty like I'm wasting her time outside of session, but she hasn't said otherwise, so I guess its ok.

[deliquesce]

pdoc never clearly set boundaries in the first session, but after a few months i think it clicked for him and he said "you know, you're allowed to call me between sessions if you're in trouble". so i have called a few times when i've been struggling and needing a bit of advice.

recently he gave me his mobile number so i can get him while he's at home/on hols etc. he told me he doesn't give his mobile to everyone, only those he knows who will respect it. so i guess in that sense, i know he has different boundaries for different clients.

atm, i think he is leaving it up to me to set boundaries. i am allowed to contact him whenever, see him wherever (at his private practice or at the hospital he works at), i decide when i want appts or not. so i guess initially, pdoc set the boundaries, but now it's more like we negotiate them together.

with my old T - he had some very firm boundaries that i know he would have kept the same for every client, regardless of varying needs. his mobile went off at 7pm. he would not answer emails on the weekends. with those kinds of rules i don't think there were too many other boundaries to negotiate between us. they were definitely stipulated by him.