I woke up SO nervous this morning. I have T today, and we have 90 minute appointments on Mondays, so they tend to be pretty intense.

I am completely dissociated...when I think "what are we talking about in T these days? what do I need to talk about?" my mind is pretty much blank. I know the general topic, but I won't let myself think any farther than that.

I know I have a wonderful T, and that he will there for me during the appointment and to help me deal with the aftermath, whatever that ends up being. But....blah! Always moving forward, moving through, is so tiring and stressful. I kind of just want to rest.

I know that the stress is getting to me on some level because I can feel my ED pushing at me. Which probably means that self-destructive teen me is trying to make herself known, and that is always a huge mess.

I guess I am just typing to get some clarity. My head hurts.

good morning!

i am usually blank when i go into therapy...and i have longer sessions each week. ...even if there is a game plan we let the chips fall where they fall.

i am sure that t has ideas of gentle directions to go, so not to worry.

as far as stress and the ed...well when i have memories surfacing all hell does tend to break loose with me too..i think its fairly common and normal...you tried hard to compensate for so much badness by adapting these other ways and now you are digging to get to the root of pain...so there should be a little upheaval.

you're doing good.

a tired stumpy
been watching eagles? saw one of the babies poop the other day...made my day (i know its a shallow and empty life but hey it works for me)

[mixedup_emotions]

It really is so stressful and so hard. I hope your appointment goes well for you.

[3velniai]

I hope it goes well

[ECHOES]

((( tree )))

I'll be thinking about you and hoping you have a really great session.

I also woke up anxious and the first thought was "T today!"

[rainbow8]

I hope it goes well for you today! I am also SO nervous before I see my T. Good luck!

[peaches100]

Treehouse,

I am completely dissociated...when I think "what are we talking about in T these days? what do I need to talk about?" my mind is pretty much blank. I know the general topic, but I won't let myself think any farther than that.

It sounds like your mind is trying to manage some pretty disturbing feelings/experiences and is literally shutting down as a way to contain things between sessions. I know that when I'm working on some pretty tough issues, in order not to become too overwhelmed, my mind kind of shuts down and I operate with a sort of numbness. Do you think that's what is happening? 90 minutes of intense work is a lot. Do you need to take more time before and after the intense work to do grounding and relaxation? My t and I have had to continually go back to that because it doesn't take much for my nervous system to go on overload.

Hope your session goes well!