i think finding out in therapy a couple of weeks ago that i have an inner child who is basically my abusive, controlling sister has done a number on me. suddenly, i'm dealing with real life family crap and i seem to be really overreacting. my family is acting in their usual dysfunctional ways but it is really setting me off. i guess realizing once again just how much damage my family of origin did to me is so hard to accept.

i feel so angry at my family but it is sooooo hard for me to express anger as it was always done so destructively in my family. i tend to feel so much guilt and shame and then get depressed for getting angry at both my mom and sister in the last few days, but it kills me how much damage they do to my life with their verbal/emotional abuse and controlling behavior. the irony is that the whole conflict is about my birthday get-together. something that is supposed to be for me but becomes all about them and their expectations. no wonder i prefer to just be alone.

[Mouse_]

Reflection.

[phoenix7]

what do they say..... you can choose your friends but you cant choose your family - sorry they took over your birthday - Happy Birthday for whenever it was/is

[skeksi]

I know what you mean. It's crap to realize that not only what happened in our youth hurt us, but it stays with us, in us. How frustrating. And with your birthday, everyone is making it about them again--not you, the same as it was back when you were a child. No wonder you feel fed up.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((reflection)))))))))))))))))))))))

I had a hard time after I started therapy with anger towards my mom, who I have to deal with literally on a daily basis. It's really hard to cope with and move through, and I am still working on it.

Did you already have your birthday? Can you change plans and do your own thing??

((((((((((((((((((((((((reflection))))))))))))))))))))))

[phoenix7]

[notz]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REFLECTION!!!

aw, you guys are the best. i'll respond more later but just wanted to say thanks for all the support.

thanks everyone. my bday is tues. i may call my mom to get together just us for dinner. i don't know; with my health being so difficult it's hard to plan much these days. i'm not mad at them anymore just tired of always feeling like i have to prove myself and jump thru their hoops. i think it just really hit me like a ton of bricks how much energy i expend trying to please others for their approval. yuck, i really don't want to do that anymore but i know it will take time to break.

[Sally71487]

Originally Posted by reflection

i think finding out in therapy a couple of weeks ago that i have an inner child who is basically my abusive, controlling sister has done a number on me. suddenly, i'm dealing with real life family crap and i seem to be really overreacting. my family is acting in their usual dysfunctional ways but it is really setting me off. i guess realizing once again just how much damage my family of origin did to me is so hard to accept.

i feel so angry at my family but it is sooooo hard for me to express anger as it was always done so destructively in my family. i tend to feel so much guilt and shame and then get depressed for getting angry at both my mom and sister in the last few days, but it kills me how much damage they do to my life with their verbal/emotional abuse and controlling behavior. the irony is that the whole conflict is about my birthday get-together. something that is supposed to be for me but becomes all about them and their expectations. no wonder i prefer to just be alone.

Have you talked to them about how what they are doing upsets you? I know how it feels to not be in the driver seat of your own life. The way i deal with the situations is to discuss how it makes you feel as nice as you can and when they start up with the behavior try to turn what they are doing into a good thing. Now this completely depends what they are doing. Don't listen to what people say about you or tell you you have to do. You are in control of your own life, Smile and know these are the days worth living out. A song that always inspires me. Our lives - the calling. and If today was your last day- Nickleback. I read in other posts that you were saying its very hard for you to take control, just stand up and tell yourself that you deserve the way you want your life. *sally

[mixedup_emotions]

It's a very difficult position to be in....I hope you can find the strength to be assertive so that your needs are met....It's easier said than done, that's for sure.