[Mouse_]

I've noticed that I do things that are caring to myself, I enjoy it now, I feel that same feeling I've always felt with T taking care of me..I guess this is internalisation, by her taking care of herself and me I am learning that is a plesant thing to do for oneself and not selfish or silly. Something simple as getting proper glasses for myself now and using them when I need them. I was talking to a guy at work this morning who is my age and also finds it harder to read papers now without glasses, accept when I said have you got any glasses yet? He said yeah I got some reading glasses from the pharmacy but won't wear them unless I've really got too. I smiled, but It struck how I use to be just like this, nothing was important to me or about me, I treated myself just slap-dash. At first the little things T would do would make me laugh rather bashfully because I thought it was a bit silly, but now I feel entitled to take care of myself and something simple as making sure I got the glasses I need and make sure I wear them is to me good self care.

((((((((((((((((((((((((Mouse)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

This is a great realization.

I have a buddhist friend who is very centered and very good at self-care and I remember once I was reading a bed time story to one of my boys and I was in so much pain because I was having an allergic reaction to the earrings I was wearing. It had been bothering me all day. Suddenly, I thought "Would (my friend) let herself stay in pain like this?" and I realized I wasn't doing the most BASIC self care. So I took out the earrings right there reading to my son and felt so much better.

It's crazy that we have to learn to think this way....stepping back and looking, it seems SO obvious...but I'm sure a lot of us DO need to learn this.

Just yesterday, I was in a horrible spot emotionally. I e-mailed T and asked for a response, but could NOT figure out a way to help myself feel better,and I felt really bad. I imagined what someone else might do, and I made myself a nice cup of hot tea and just let myself sip it and feel its warmth and relax, and I felt a little better.

I'm glad that you are learning this lesson Mouse, because you DO deserve good care!!

[chaotic13]

Treehouse your comment about having to image what some else would do or what I would do to comfort some else struck a cord with me. I have to do this a lot before rendering self care. I guess I still see myself as subhuman at those times.

[darkrunner]

Mouse,
I'm so glad you are internalising these things - it sounds like a great step forward, being able to take care of yourself, and believe you are worthy to be cared for.

Treehouse - I'm proud of you that you were able to make yourself tea!!! You showed wonderful presence of mind to be able to imagine what someone else would do.
You SO deserve to be cared for, esp. by yourself. WE all do!!

Chaotic - I understand about feeling sub-human. I often feel like I deserve the opposite of being cared for - punishment.

It's really helpful to understand how other people are able to do it....so thanks for sharing!!!

[phoenix7]

Mouse you never fail to amaze me with your level of insight - sounds like healing happening to me

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

Treehouse your comment about having to image what some else would do or what I would do to comfort some else struck a cord with me. I have to do this a lot before rendering self care. I guess I still see myself as subhuman at those times.

Im glad you can look at yourself as you would a friend somtimes you are not subhuman you are a kind and caring and knowledgeable human being

[peaches100]

Mouse,

I'm floored at the progress you're making in your therapy and in your life, including this latest act of self-care. Good for You!!! This is something i need to work harder at. Maybe if i could do more self-care, i would not feel so needy for my t to do caring things for me. Your post has encouraged me to try harder.

[searchingmysoul]

((((((Mouse))))))

I am so glad you wrote about this. My interpretation of taking care of myself used to be drinking and binge eating. Seriously. Through this process I have learned about really taking care of myself. First and foremost that I am entitled to care for myself and that taking care of myself means really checking in with myself and what I need and want not drowning my feelings in wine and food. I feel like I have expanded so much in this area now and have so many ways in which I honor the need of taking care of myself.

Thanks again Mouse, it was good to think about this...

[sunrise]

Mouse, that is so big what you wrote about taking care of yourself. It is as if finally, YOU matter to yourself.

I have been in the same situation before about glasses that your co-worker is in. For me, not wanting to use my reading glasses wasn't about not wanting to do self-care. It was about not wanting to grow old! Needing reading glasses is a sign of aging, and sometimes it can be a little hard to face up to that. But soon, his eyes will be so bad, that your co-worker will have to face facts.

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by sunrise

For me, not wanting to use my reading glasses wasn't about not wanting to do self-care. It was about not wanting to grow old!.

Isn't this the same thing though? Denying ourselves of what we need simply because ignoring seems better than acknowledging it.

In my life this goes well beyond reading glasses.

[Mouse_]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

Isn't this the same thing though? Denying ourselves of what we need simply because ignoring seems better than acknowledging it.

In my life this goes well beyond reading glasses.

I agree, aging and taking care of ourselfs as we age is a caring and honest thing to do. I dont even colour my hair now I am proud to be grey LOL!! When women at work remark about my hair going grey now they then mention how they do not wish to go grey and still colour their hair, I just smile and say, well if one woman goes grey it may allow another to feel comfortable enought to remain true to themselves also. That normally stops the conversation dead in its tracks LOL! strange how resistence is what was expected

[Xtree]

Originally Posted by Mouse_

I've noticed that I do things that are caring to myself, I enjoy it now, I feel that same feeling I've always felt with T taking care of me.

That is wonderful news Mouse! I am very happy for you. It's is a good lesson for me and others. I have been recently doing this in small ways without realizing it until you just mentioned it.

Just little things like stopping at CVS on the way home to pick up something I need just for me, washing my car, buying flowers, etc. Wow, just wait until I start on the big ticket items.

Xtree