Afraid it's the Beginning of the End

Sunrise,

Thanks for informing me a bit about somatic therapy and what it involves. The thing i can't figure out is. . .if my t is referring me out because she can't meet my needs for physical comfort. . .yet somatic experiencing does not offer physical comfort . . .then why is she referring me to that type of therapy? My t never really said why she would recommend that type of therapy or how it differs from what she can do. So I find that confusing.

As far as being nurturing in other ways besides giving a hug, yes, she speaks in a comforting way and has done visualizations with me of receiving physical comfort. I have found them somewhat comforting, but not as much as i would hope.

I realize that my t must have my best interests in mind and must not feel that giving me physical comfort would help me. I think she's wrong though. Withholding it over and over when I'm feeling grief and pain is more damaging. But I can't convince her of that, and I'm out of energy to even try to get it anymore.

t encouraged me to share my pain and ask for what I need, but when i did, whe was not willing to provide it. I feel like inside like I've given up on getting what i need. i feel depressed and empty now, like i want to pull back the part of me that feels like a little girl and keep her hidden from t now. I'm trying to remember the other good things t does for me, but i feel so hurt inside.

Hi Rainbow,

I know what you're saying is probably true. If my therapist can't help me, it would be right for her to try to find someone else who could. It just feels so bad. It plays right into all my abandonment feelings and failed relationship experiences. I guess I'm just not capable of seeing it clearly right now. It's hard to keep refocusing my mind on thinking logically when i have this pain in my gut.

Another update --

I received an email reply from the SE therapist. She does not take my insurance, unless my insurance pays for out-of-network therapists. I'm going to check into it, but I'm 95% sure Pacificare does not pay for anyone out of network. There's no way i could pay out of pocket for SE therapy, since my husband is disabled and i pay for all our expenses out of my wages. We are just barely getting by. I guess I could look into whether or not there are any other SE therapists in my city that take my insurance.