[Xtree]

I am still struggling in therapy and as most of you know I have been for a while now. I am trying to understand it. I know I have been told over and over again to talk to my T about it. With that said ...

My T switched gears to the marriage which is important and okay. I sent her an email telling her that I have been struggling in therapy and a couple of things that triggered me and a list of some personal issues. During our next session I told her I had a bad week and that is why I wrote the email. She said she thought it was a good time to switch gears and we should stay focused. If we do not stay focused therapy can get off track. I forget the exact word she used. I understand.

I am wondering if that is adding to my problem talking. Talking is always very difficult for me but it is much worse now. I do not even want to go to my next individual session. I am thinking maybe subconsciously I feel because we did not discuss some of those issues in the email maybe I am holding back? I am not holding back on purpose but maybe I am questioning what I should or should't discuss? And questioning many other things that I shouldn't be concerned with. I am at a loss.

Xtree

[Perna]

I think you should always discuss what you want to discuss, it's your therapy. But maybe you feel you are fighting for control of your therapy because your T specifically said you all should stay focused and so you're "rebelling" a bit because maybe it feels she's calling the shots. I think it's good that you are thinking/feeling these things and wrestling with them, that's always good but, like you said in the beginning, you should definitely mention the struggles with your T :-)

[lifelesstraveled]

(((((((((xtree))))))))))

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I struggle soooooo much in T. It's gotten to the point where I have to write things down and bring them to her and even then Im squirming around, zoning out and ready to run out the door....

I am not quite sure I have any words of advice since it seems as though we are sitting in the same boat. I would suggest talking about this with your therapist.

T and I discussed this and I told her I can talk about anyone else, anything else (work, friends, my ex, my sisters) but when it comes to me....I can't say anything. AND like you I constantly question what I should and shouldnt talk about in therapy...everyone here will say "everything and anything can be talked about and discussed" and that is what my T told me recently. I wrote her a list of everything I probably should have told her ages ago and after she read it she said "well, these are the things we are supposed to talk about in therapy. that is what therapy is for".

So maybe you can start by telling your T you are not sure what to discuss and what not to discuss. I am sure if your T is anything like mine she will probably say the same thing my T said. Can you write something and bring you want to talk about and take it to T?? Even if you start with why you are struggling to talk and your thoughts and feelings about it?

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Xtree

My T switched gears to the marriage which is important and okay. I sent her an email telling her that I have been struggling in therapy and a couple of things that triggered me and a list of some personal issues. During our next session I told her I had a bad week and that is why I wrote the email. She said she thought it was a good time to switch gears and we should stay focused. If we do not stay focused therapy can get off track.

I think if I sent my T an email with a list of personal issues I wanted to discuss and at the next session he said, "let's talk about your marriage instead of that other stuff, we need to stay focused," I would feel very rejected. It takes guts to send your T a list of issues important to you that you want to work on. And then to have that ignored and the T shift gears to something else... I would have a hard time with this too.

I think if I had enough gumption, I would ask my T, "why is it so important to you to talk about the marriage when I have these other issues that are very important to me?" Maybe your T has some good reasons. Maybe she sees the marriage issue as having critical or emergency status and so wants to deal with it right now and leave the other things for later.

I am wondering if that is adding to my problem talking.

I think that it very well could add to that problem. You wanted to talk about certain issues and she didn't want to. She wanted to talk about something else. So maybe you're not letting her "get her way" by being even less forthcoming than usual. Completely understandable, but if that's the way it is, I think it better to tell her straight out that you want to talk about your stuff rather than indirectly try to give her that message by not talking to her about her favored topic.

[chaotic13]

I think for the most part I choose the topics that we talk about each session. The only exception to this is sometimes, I send something via email between sessions. My T will skip the small chat and delve right in as soon as I take a seat. I guess on these occasion she is like..great she finally when here let's go for it. It also seems like I have 3 main stress areas and we kind of cycle from one to the next and then back through them again and again.

[ECHOES]

I think you might want to talk with T about who decides what the focus of your therapy is.
It should be you

[Xtree]

Good points to explore. I am not sure if I am feeling rejected, rebellious, or I am questioning if those things are important enough to discuss? Is that the same thing? Maybe there is a safety issue? It is hard to tell and very difficult to bring up.

I definitely have to work it out before I cancel my next appointment.

Xtree

[Amazonmom]

I know my T likes to make clients directly ask for what they need. I know if I do not directly say "we are going to talk about X instead of Y" she will talk about Y.

I would bring the subject up again. Tell the T what you need to do. The T is not supposed to be holding all the power in the therapeutic relationship. The client and therapist share the power. The relationship is about meeting the client's needs, not the therapist's.

If the T still fights you, then ask the T their reasons for not addressing what you need.