[GreyGoose]

"Just get a dog".

That's what went through my mind earlier while was struggling to understand why I have such a difficult time meeting new people and forming lasting friendships.

People are often just too complicated, judgemental and untrusting. Relationships can take years to build and there's never a guarantee it will be a lasting one. It takes a LOT of work and there are many variables involved. It's a very complex thing.

On the other hand, a dog (or other pet) does not judge you and will usually "tame up" and accept you after only a few days. However, an animal can not do many of the things that another human can do and so it only partially fills the "void". Animals don't talk, they can't drive, they can't split the bills or balance a checkbook.

If I was filthy rich, a pet might be a good alternative but I am not. I need people for all the same reasons other people need people and yet I always feel like the odd-man out. The "fifth wheel on the wagon". I never leave the house and when I do go somewhere, people never pay attention to me and so I always end up standing around awkwardly waiting for someone to walk over and strike up a conversation but it never happens. I have serious rejection issues so starting a conversation on my own is out of the question and because of my ADHD and other issues, I tend to be loud, overbearing and socially inept.

I'll write more about this later in subsequent replies but I just never quite feel like I belong and I don't know how to relate to other people.

- Thank's for letting me share

[SpazKatt]

I have thought of getting myself a friend ie pet!

[silver_queen]

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Animals don't talk, they can't drive, they can't split the bills or balance a checkbook.

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true, but they also never argue back, don't sulk for days, or have temper tantrums, or be too demanding of friendship and love. Instead they are funny, friendly, happy, comforting when you're sad, allow you to have interests outside of your normal interests, encourage activity and an outdoor lifestyle, and encourage love. It's really nice to know that an animal (especially a dog) cares for you and will love you no matter what you do. My aunt has a puppy (well actually he's a year old now, hehe) and I love him so much, he's such a funny little dog. I'm so glad she got him, and if you have a suitable accommodation and lifestyle, you would probably benefit from looking after a dog too, if you have the patience to train it properly and tend to its needs.

[angel04]

Don't know what I'd do without my dog. She has seen me through so many crappy events and she's still here, giving me unconditional love. Pets are much better than people when it comes to being non-judgemental and loyal, that's for sure. They never decide to not be your friend because you make a mistake, and they never tell you "you look fat in those jeans." Plus, they aren't picky eaters, they never leave the toilet seat up, they agree with everything you say, and they only want hugs, pats and cookies as a reward for their loyalty and love.
Sounds perfect to me. )

[angel04]

Oh, remember, the fifth wheel on the wagon is the spare. It is the only thing that will get you where you need to go if something happens to another wheel. Fifth wheels are indispensible. )

[angel04]

those smilies are supposed to be smiley faces, not blushes. Sorry. I can't get that right.

[Wants2Fly]

I had one or two dogs for 30 years. Since 2003 is the first time I have felt unable to take care of me, no less a pet. I was blessed to be a part of doggie communities and to have found a loving home for each of my two dogs (one tended to abuse the other, so it was good they went to separate homes). I miss my animal friends. I also think that I'm about where I need to be, being forced to reach out to human beings, instead of withdrawing within to my animal household. I truly believe that I will have a doggie household again in a few years.

[GreyGoose]

Ok, you all might as well know a little something about me. I'm going all out here and sharing all kinds of private details about myself so please be gentle. Here are some reasons I would never be able to make long-term friends, get a room mate or get married...

* I am not a prude (nor am I gay) and yet I am not attracted to either men or woman. This would no doubt hurt any relationship I might have.
* I sleep with a pet goose in my bed (and have for years), have animals running around all over the house and am very eccentric.
* I am so scared of people that I have actually run and hid under the bed when I heard a knock at the door.
* I can drive a person NUTS with my hypochondria. As nice as you people are, believe me, you do not want to be around me when I'm having one of my "spells".
* I don't have a driver's license (just a state ID) and no car (I just can't afford the expense).
* I don't have a job and am on disability (I do run a small online biz which does pretty good).
* I don't shower or keep up my hygeine very well because I'm just too "depressed" to do anything most of the time.
* I "go" in a milk jug at night because of my bladder probs (enuresis).
* I am addicted to the internet so I rarely leave my room.

Probably TMI (too much information) I know but I really need to get this out. On the other hand though...

* I don't drink, smoke or chew.
* I am totally non-violent and non-agressive
* I work hard, am reasonably well educated, responsible and well-organized.
* I always seem to "get by" and believe that God always provides a "way".
* I am not a "radical" so I won't beat you with a Bible and Stalin is'nt my hero, etc.

Yes, pet's are like "instant friends". I wish you could "buy" a person at the local pet shop. It would sure save a lot of time with all the trust and "relationship" issues. Ahhh!!!...

- Regards

well.................you definitely sound eccentric!..........but......i still like you and care about you.......

[Myzen]

Hi Greygoose,

I think that you're a pretty cool person. I hope you'll stay here on Psych Central. I always look for your posts and I really like your name (I think I've mentioned that before).

I imagine you as a countryman, living in an old log cabin in a leafy forest.

Cheers, Myzen.

[Wants2Fly]

Well, GreyGoose, I'd have to say that you really are a character.

But that just means you sound very interesting. Like Myzen, I imagine you in the wilds someplace.

The only reason why I haven't hidden under a bed when I heard a knock at the door is that I'm also terrified of small dark places. I have, however, covered in my apartment for a week or more, fearing that there might be a warrant out for my arrest. Which turned out to be a paranoia about as realistic as hypochrondia. I expect many/most of us are a bit, ahem, quirky.

Thanks for trusting us enough to share.

[GreyGoose]

Yeah, I have done that too on occassion. I'll hear a noise and look out the window expecting to see the house surrounded by cop cars because they "had someone that looked like me" and then going through the whole "interrogation" thing, etc. I'm clean so no worries there but like you said, it's difficult to get past the hypochondria.

As far as my living out in the woods is concerned, yes, I do live out in a woodsy area surrounded by pastures, cows, horses, etc. It's nice out here and I would hate to ever have to move back to the city again.

Well, I need to get my nutty butt motivated and start helping some other people here besides myself. I did answer several posts the other day but then slumped back into my shell again.

- regards

[neri]

dogs really are a great way of meeting new people..

[GreyGoose]

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dogs really are a great way of meeting new people..

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That is true!

Grey, in case I haven't told you yet, I really enjoy your posts. And I must say that you have amazing courage to put yourself out here for all the world to see as you have done. And as you can see, you're still accepted for who you are. Isn't that a great feeling? I sure think it is. As far as pets go... you can learn a lot from pets. I have a zoo in my house. I have 6 ferrets, 3 c ockatiels, and a chinchilla. The birds and the chin are my ex's and they'll leave when she does. But the ferrets have opened doors for me that I hope to be able to walk through someday soon. I have similar issues with getting out and making friends. I recently decided to foster 2 ferrets (number 5 and 6) from a private local shelter. Because these are fosters, they still belong to the shelter and I have to make regular trips there so the shelter mom can see how they're doing. By doing this I have met a wonderful couple around my age and I feel comfortable talking with them. I was a nervous wreck when I first went there the first time but we had something in common... we both loved ferrets SOOOO much. And I had to bring my little furry army with me to make sure the new guys would play well. Now I've been invited to the get togethers the shelter holds for everyone who's adopted or fostered from the shelter. I've yet to attend one because of my work schedule and my lack of confidence. All this because of a silly animal. I highly recommend a pet. And a ferret at that, but I'm kinda biased on that one. I think it's a good idea. I'm not saying that it'll cure your problem, but what's wrong with having a furry friend?

Ry

[sometimes]

i tell my mum that my dog isn't good company cos he doesn't talk. sometimes u need someone to talk not to pull u and stop and sniff at everything

[Wants2Fly]

I've met wonderful people through dog obedience training and just walking my dog around the neighborhood. For the 10 years that I owned a Doberman who loved to run, I took long walks in the woods. Have never done that before or since. It was a wonder to watch him explore and learn things about finding and following trails from him.

I love to watch my dogs pure exuberance. Every walk is as wonderful as the first walk -- even if we just took this same walk this morning. New smells, new sights. A dog is so fully in the now.

Because I had wonderful friends in the doggie world, when I had my breakdown, my dogs were almost instantly given homes. One had a dysfunctional behavior that would be enough to get most dogs put down -- chewing doorframes when she gets terrified in thunder storms, unless she has a companion. She now lives in a home with 2 cats and people who say: What's a doorframe compared with the love of a dog. They are thrilled by all the obedience commands she knows, as they never had an obedience trained dog before.

Pets or any other passionate interest are truly a gateway past our fears into relationships with other people. I guess we can say that our love for our pets "conquers all" as love is said to do.

So Gray Goose, take each hurdle in your own sweet time. And kiss those pets on the nose for me.

here i come in, guns blazing on the "get a dog" thing....a dog is an attention magnet....especially a woman magnet....or man..if you're a woman.....when i had tippy, people flocked to him...then introduced themselves and voila!! i made lots of lasting friends though tippy..in fact, when he died, i got sympathy cards and notes from all over the US and Europe. (i'm a photographer and met lots of people in workshops, on jobs and such..tippy was always with me)GET A DOG!!'xoxox pat

AND you can get a greyhound from a greyhound rescue group...after they quit racing for their owners, they are "put down" unless they are lucky enough to catch the eye of a rescue group. my daughter and i have rescued around 9 in 40 years. AND there is a rescue group for every breed...AND you can type in Petfinder on the internet and find thousands of pets that need homes.........pat p.s. when tippy was alive, i photographed him with all kinds of icons.....he was scottish deerhound and airedale..probably...very stately and dignified....anyway his notecards sell really well and the $ has helped me through some rough spots. i see it as he is still taking care of me...

[silver_queen]

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here i come in, guns blazing on the "get a dog" thing....a dog is an attention magnet....especially a woman magnet....or man..if you're a woman.....when i had tippy, people flocked to him...then introduced themselves and voila!! i made lots of lasting friends though tippy..in fact, when he died, i got sympathy cards and notes from all over the US and Europe. (i'm a photographer and met lots of people in workshops, on jobs and such..tippy was always with me)GET A DOG!!'xoxox pat

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That's a good point... my aunt has a dog and has had them for many years, and she has made lots of friends from her daily walks with the dog. They are mainly fellow dog-walkers that she meets but every time I join her and go out with her and her dog we end up stopping whilst she natters away, lol. When her last dog died she got cards and sympathy from the other people she had met, who had known her dog. You say you are afraid of people but I think walking a dog will help you there because you can meet people and you always have the dog as an excuse to leave when you feel uncomfortable.

See there, all signs point to get a dog

You have to make up your own mind, but I think it would have a very positive impact on your life. Just my 2 cents. Take it for what it's worth.

Ry

[h0kie]

I agree...pets are wonderful. I have 4 myself. 3 cats and a dog.

Something you should consider (we did before getting our "kids"). Pets are a committment and expense. It's like having a kid...for a shorter period of time. We knew we would have these animals for 10 to 15 years (we hope!). That means budgeting for food and vet visits. (Honestly, our animals are better taken care of that we are at times...lol)

Just be sure you want that added expense. For me...I'd gladly give up a meal or two to get my "babies" something they need. Good luck and let me know what you decide.

[Wants2Fly]

Fayerody -- Can you post one of your photos of Tippy in the gallery. I'd like to see a dog who makes money instead of sucking it up from my wallet like a vacuum.

well, i found one of 3/4ths of the fab four. the greyhound was in the front seat.....we were going camping and the dogs loaded well before we were going to leave. as soon as i would start taking things to the truck.....they were in and ready.......it's tippy on the left, henri in the middle and j.j. on the right. all foundlings. smutty, the greyhound, was so spoiled that he was in the front on a goosedown comforter...the other is just a snapshot of a much younger tippy. WHEN i go through some boxes, i'll post some of the notecard photographs...........xoxox pat

i got the thread off center. i'm sorry.......i'll be more careful about that now. xoxox pat