Cheating girlfriend.....to forgive?????

this is gonna be a little long, bare with me.

my gf, i met online on a dating site over 2 years ago is the first girl i've really loved. let me give you a little background on the relationship as a whole:

she lives an hour away. 19/20 times she would do the driving. because of this, her parents weren't happy with me and said i was taking advantage of her. i think that was the biggest problem of the relationship , the distance. she would tell me that if i loved her, i would drive out to see her more often. the reason i would rather hang out at my house was because we could have privacy and at her house, we had none.

the relationship as a whole was up and down, up and down. we would have arguments but for the most part i think things were good.

towards the end of the summer (august) she started going on dating sites. i never knew of this and wouldn't find anything out till early december. she ended up creating another screenname and email address. she met up with two of the guys. she did everything with one of the guys, except sex and oral sex, and nothing with the other. she claims it was a one time occassion but that she was still talking with guys online after it happened.

i confronted her many times because things didn't seem entirely right. she denied me constantly. i had to snoop around on her computer to find out the truth for myself: 4 months after everything had happened.

she says it happened because she didn't feel loved and that i wasn't giving her the emotional support that she needed.

i was no saint either, i kissed a couple other girls on "spur of the moment" occasions. i ran into one girl at macinaw island that i went to highschool with. we hung out with a small group of people and at the end ofthe night, i gave her a kiss. i know it was wrong of me and it is cheating but i think soliciting yourself on a website, then meeting up with a stranger and fooling around, is a little more out there than what i did.

after i found out what was going on, she denied that she met with any of them, and deleted a bunch of emails after i left her house. she lied about that too. eventually i talked her into telling me that she did meet up with 2 guys. i just hate the fact that i had to snoop and beg and she couldn't be honest with me.

after it was out in the open, i started to date other people. i told her i didn't want to date her anymore because i wanted to see what else was out there and clear my head of things. i met another girl who was pretty and fun. all i could think of was my xgf. i don't know if i should go back to her or not. can she be forgiven? will i always resent her if i stay with her and never trust her again? i've had since early december to think about things and nothing has been accomplished.

right now, we're talking and working on getting back together. we are still fighting about everything and nothing seems to get any better. i told her i wasn't going to tell her i love her until she feels it. the reason is because she always holds it over my head with comments like, "if you loved me.... this would happen" or, "i don't think you love me" and i hate constantly going over and defending why i love her. i'm not a **** to her. i don't hit her, degrade her or anything. we just argue. any advice is appreciated.

stew......it sounds to me like neither of you are ready for a commitment.......may i ask how old you both are?........yes people who are in love disagree from time to time but it sounds to me that you two do it way too much.and all the cheating?....not a good thing.......i say hang loose and enjoy getting to know different women..........let us know how things go..we care

im 23, shes 20

I'd have to agree with butterfly and ozzie. Cheating on both parts is never a good sign. It's hard to give up on a long term relationship. I'm in the middle of that situation myself right now. The thing you have to consider is this. Everyone has flaws. And there a couple of keys to a relationship. Off the top of my head are communication, honesty, and trust. It seems to me that each of these have been broken by both of you. Another thing is being able to live with the flaws of your partner. If you can't do this, then a lasting relationship is out of the question. I'd say that if you guys are fighting all the time and can't trust each other, then it might be best to just walk away. I know that's a difficult thing to do, but sometimes it's for the best. This is just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

ryan

Well Stew,

If you have to work this hard, it's not working.
Cheating is cheating, no matter what the circumstances. From what I gather from your post, I personally feel that maybe a clean split from eachother would be best. I just think fighting all the time is not good for anyone. So many other people out there for you to hangout with. Go.........enjoy!!

I've read what the other members have said and i think they've done a great job. I'm sure you'll be able to work things out one way or the other, i just hope if it doesn't work out, that it remains friendly. Don't wish hell to reign on her or anything, anyway, stay up and good luck with everything >JL

no sex.. no oral sex?
ok... wheres the "cheating"?
if you dont like it though, dump the ^%*@#