Looking at people through the lens of seeing all people as all "bad" or all "good."

I had an appointment yesterday to see my psychologist I have been seeing on a weekly basis for about 10 months now. I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. We focus mainly on communication skills lately. Today I thought it was interesting that my psychologist did not want me to look at people as all "bad." He said specifically to me that when I have bad experiences with certain individuals who are consistently, on a regular basis, always acting in ways that are not respectful to me or who are hurtful toward me, then, that is a red flag that I should stay away and or create healthy bounderies with them; however, there are many who are going to display sooner or later "bad" traits but not always. He also pointed out that I fit into this catergory too and so does he. Now these types of individuals may be worthy to have around maybe even as friends. My psychologist said that he did not want me to look at people through the lens of seeing all people as all "bad" or all "good." This is the hallmark of someone who has borderline personality disorder and this type of thinking causes mood swings, anger, frustration, and depression.

HI ((((jersey joe in fl))))

I don't know anything about BPD . But I do believe there is good
and bad in everybody. Most people are GOOD. Especially the ones
at PC. Take Care

Hi Jersey Joe

I don't think that seeing people as all good or bad is a hallmark of BPD, so I can't say I agree with your shrink's opinion on that.

People make judgements about people all the time. We constantly form impressions, etc based on a person's appearance, personality, socio-economic status, level of education, race, ethnicity, etc.

When we are looking to form relationships with others, we use this information to determine which of those people we would like to get to know and which of them we want to avoid.

For example, I generally don't like smokers and/or folks with tattoos and/or excessive piercings. I see them as sort of trashy folks from the wrong side of tracks... and though they might be nice, I don't wish to socialize with them under any context.

Does that mean I am a Borderline?

No, but some people would probably consider me to be a snob, lol. And their entitled to their opinions, just as much as I am entitled to mine, lol.

Anywho... from what I have read about Borderline Personality (see the link below), Borderlines when they have a relationship with someone (whether that relationship is one of family, friendship or a romantic relationship), they have a tendency to greatly idealize and then later devalue the person.

This might be what your shrink is talking about.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/sym...lity-disorder/

Here is a paragraph from the that article that talks about the idealization/devaluation characteristics of BPD.

Unstable and intense relationships.

People with borderline personality disorder may idealize potential caregivers or lovers at the first or second meeting, demand to spend a lot of time together, and share the most intimate details early in a relationship. However, they may switch quickly from idealizing other people to devaluing them, feeling that the other person does not care enough, does not give enough, is not “there” enough. These individuals can empathize with and nurture other people, but only with the expectation that the other person will “be there” in return to meet their own needs on demand. These individuals are prone to sudden and dramatic shifts in their view of others, who may alternately be seen as beneficient supports or as cruelly punitive. Such shifts other reflect disillusionment with a caregiver whose nurturing qualities had been idealized or whose rejection or abandonment is expected.

Anyway... good luck in your therapy.

I think your T gave you some really good advice. The majority of people have a mix of good and bad traits (which I would prefer to lable as undesirable). In my life I have met two people that I think are truly evil. One of them I have known since birth (I am slightly older than he) and even as a toddler he displayed aggressive and violent behavior. He's in his late 30s now and his behavior has not improved and quite honestly I couldn't come up with a single redeeming quality if my life depended upon it.

But I think that these people are few and far between. One of the kindest people I've ever met I dismissed immediately when I met him. He was a co-worker and I was forced to get to know him because we ended up working closely together for a long period of time. He had poor communication and social skills and the things he said came off wrong.

I've been trying very hard not to get upset with things people say.... yes, you are entitled to your own opinion as is everyone, I thought of you as a great person.... but not now. I was judged my whole life by people like you and it made me bitter.... I had a really hard life, I was abused in every way you can think of by my mother and mental abuse by my father.... I had spinal meningitis when I was 4 that left me with brain damage so I was in special education all my life because I have a very hard time learning.... and I was judged by people like you, my teachers were like you, not caring at all, they just pushed my through school to get me out of there hair... I had to fight my way through life with no help cause no one cared.

I try to think of all people as equal regardless of there back ground or appearance.... there is no difference between anyone.

I'm sorry for taking this personal but it really hurts to be judged and called trashy folk because I didn't have lot's of money or a good education, life isn't easy for everyone and everyone makes mistakes.

Seeing how I have tattoos, you do not have to reply to this under any context. And I am sorry for not being as great as you.

And I apologize jersey_joe_in_fl for highjacking your thread.

Hi Jay,

It's an admirable quality to think that everyone is equal, I believe in that too, but equality aside...it is a fact of life, that not everyone is going to like us.

And a person's reasons for not liking us-- whether it is our tattoos, our smoking, our socio-economic status or because our hair color is blonde, red, green.... whatever the reason they have for not liking us... that decision is really their decision!

So I am sorry to hear if you have felt victimized by your teachers and your peers, but like I said, you can't expect everyone to like you, nor can you expect to like everyone you meet.

It's just human nature, Jay.

Peppermint_Patty,

I want to apologize to you, I was out of line and I am sorry. I am just not having a good day is all.

Jay

People come in all sizes with some being bad and some being good - and it is up to us to to keep the good ones and to let the bad ones go away from us and our life..... (ex) you buy a bag of apples and have to throw away one or two bad ones, but you still have a bag of good apples left.

My therapist is working with me on not seeing everyone as bad because just about everyone in my life has been bad. However I really don't see that being a definition of BPD seeing everyone as bad. It can be based on your life experience and also can just be the neighborhood you live in.

I want to say this in a way that is not coming off as being sarcastic; but, please read the title of my thread. It says "Looking at people through the lens of seeing all people as all "bad" or all "good." The title does not say looking at people through the lens of seeing them as all bad. People like myself who have BPD look at life and people in terms of black and white, good or bad, all or nothing. We value others and can change and devalue them, the same individuals once we see somthing we don't like in them. I encourage you to get some books on BPD. It may lend a deeper understanding of what BPD is for you and others who have it. Since I have a car and go many places, the people in my life are all over the place not just in my neighborhood. I understood what my psychologist was saying but I don't believe you understood. In simple terms, my psychologist was saying that when I have a friend or close relationship with someone, and I have a good rapport with him or her, and this person is always understanding and polite to me, and when someday this is not the case, I can begin to judge them as bad all of a sudden. I don't clearly give the person a chance to be not so understanding or polite with me and that will happen in life. However, when someone is always like that to me, then it is a red flag that I do not have a good rapport which may be beyond my control, and I need to stay away.

jersey_joe_in_fl

Jersey joe I think good and bad in everyone. Even when I can't really stand somebody. I still think that there is something good about them. I just move on and won't be bothered with them. I also feel that if someone needs to label me that is their issue not mine. I'm not going to change who I am to accommodate what someone thinks what I should be. You either like me or you don't.

Folks, I will gently remind one another here that you should stick to the original poster's topic, and not make this personal. Personal attacks against another member for them expressing their opinion -- when specifically asked for it -- are not allowed and against our Community Guidelines.

If you have a problem with someone, take it to PM. Do not hash it out on a thread like this one (or any other one). If you can't resolve your differences, place the other member on "Ignore" and you will not be bothered by them any longer.

Thank you,
DocJohn

Why are you singling me out??

JayS,
I sincerely do not believe DocJohn was singling any of us out.
It is a gentle reminder to all of us of the purpose of PC...
Others posted in this thread, and his reminder is for all of us who participated and for those who were reading/lurking.

Catherine