How do you

tell someone that's very suicidal that you don't want them?

This is about the same person in my other thread "How could she do this to me?"

When my cousin's wife was admitted to the psych ward for the third time he got some sound advice. Everytime he got close to leaving she'd make a half-hearted attempt on her own life. The doctor told him that not only was he not helping her by staying with her, but he was enabling her manipulative behavior and one of these days she might succeed by accident. He filed for a divorce that day.

Now this woman was under medical care, if the woman you speak of is not seeking care I would talk to another one of her loved ones and simply say that you cannot deal with this relationship right now and you are afraid for her safety.

Thanks AAAAA,

The problem is she is going down hill very fast... she's 26 and lives with her parents.... she's stopped seeing her T and won't take her meds anymore....and her T told her GP and her parents that if she's going to do it she will and no one can stop her....her last attempt was less then a month ago with pills.

She was a good friend and I thought I wanted her but now I know that I don't.... but she won't let it go... I'm suicidal myself so I don't need this... no matter what I try to do with getting her help she throws it in my face and says I'm pushing her into something she doesn't want.... I'm afraid if I say that I don't want her it will make it worse and she will succeed.

She should understand that in your current condition that this relationship is unhealthy for you. I'd tell her that you need to focus on getting yourself healthy, if you're worried about her safety, let her parents know that you're not able to be there for her anymore.

We're not in a relationship... but now that I've been trying to avoid her she's been coming after me... she even want's to move in with me but I don't want her... even as a friend, it's to much stress trying to deal with her... she's like a time bomb that go's off many times a week... I have told her that I'm trying to focus on getting myself help but she's say's I don't need it..

I told her the other day that I was going to talk to her parents and it started world war 3 with her.... I'm not trying to give excuses to not do anything about it, I'm just trying to find the easiest way to do it.

You are friends are you not? This is a relationship as well.

Yes, we are... but I don't want to be anymore.

Frankly I'm a coward, I just start dodging calls, not returning messages etc.

I don't blame you for being a coward... so am I, that's why I can't do what I need too.

Jay,

I am so glad you are making healthy choices! I know it's hard to do this but you can.... I ended up telling the person that it's not healthy for me to stay in contact with them. That they need help, and I cannot provide it. I told him where to get the help.

Then I didn't respond to his attempts to draw me into the unhealthy drama.

IT WAS SO HARD!!!!

But you can do it, Jay.

Hi JayS,

I'm sorry you are having this kind of difficulty. It is not easy setting your boundaries with someone, but for your sake and for hers it sounds like it must be done.

I am concerned though about this statement that you made - Jay, I hate to tell you this, but there is no easy way to do this. If you continue to look for an easy way, you will be wasting your time and precious time for this person to get the help she deserves. You will be putting off the inevitable as well........

As hard as it's going to be, and in my opinion, it's time to speak to her parents and let them know how she is treating you, what she is doing to herself and how you need to walk away from her and her situation for both your safety. You've tried to help, she is not open to that help, one cannot "make" her accept your help and choose to help herself. There is no shame in admitting that you can no longer help someone. There is no shame in setting your boundary and taking care of yourself in the process.

Wishing you both well,


sabby

Hi Amazonmom, thank you... And I'm glad you had the strength to do what you had to do... it must have been very hard cause to me it seems impossible.

sabby, thanks... I know you're right, there really is no easy way out... I guess I'm scared because I don't want to be responsible if she does take her life... I couldn't handle that.

Her father is a real A#$.... he couldn't care less what happened to her... so the only real chance is with her mother... I just don't know what to say.

Jay,

Even if the worst case scenario were to happen, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ACTIONS!!!

A person who is severely depressed is not a rational person!! I say this because a healthy individual is not going to threaten suicide or even take their life over the ending of a friendship, a bad hair day, or whatever.

A healthy person is going to face their problems and resolve to overcome them, not be a cowardly chicken sh-- and take the easy way out by offing themselves!!

So if she is engaging in that kind of talk with you, I would immediately phone her Mom. If you are not sure what to say, why not type it and print it out first and then call her??

Whatever you do...someone needs to know, ASAP, so that she gets the proper help she needs.

I have a feeling though... based on this girl's past behavior of manipulating you, that she is bluffing and if you refuse to hang out with her anymore, she will not get suicidal, but rather she will probably act out in some sort of aggressive way (either physical or verbal) and/or perhaps even stalk you!

I suspect it will probably be verbal aggression and/or stalking more than anything else, but that's just my women's intuition on the matter.

However, since predictions and assumptions are never 100% accurate, phone her Mom ASAP!!!

That will at least help in getting this gal out of your hair and out of your life.

Anyway take care and let us know how everything goes.

Peppermint Patty

Yep, you're right... A healthy person would face their problems and resolve them... but she is not a healthy person at all, she's had a T since she was 12 when she first tried to end it by cutting her wrists... she is very sick and needs help... that does not make her a chicken sh-- at all!

If you knew the things I do about her you would not be saying things like that.

I would say you need to sit down and talk with her mother. And if that wont work I would inform the police or ER about what she wants to do. Maybe they can get her into an inpatient program to help her because it sounds like thats what she needs. Good luck with this and like others have said there is no easy way out.

Hi Jay,

We can sit around discussing opinions all day, Jay, but it woud be a pointless exercise. I have better things to do with my time. I would hope you would too, but maybe you don't.

At any rate... The most important point you are missing here is that you need to talk with her Mom and you need to do it ASAP!!!

Also you mentioned that your friend is seeing a shrink?

If that is true... and she is still seeing a therapist now, you may want to give this person a call.

While the shrink will not be able to discuss your friend's mental health, they will listen to you if it concerns the health of their patient.

Take care and good luck,

Peppermint Patty