[BlastAuf]

I've written on here before about my recent break up...it's been two months now. I was making amazing progress and was holding no contact (I made it a month!). The other day, my friend casually mentioned that she thought my ex's new girlfriend was ugly. I felt my stomach just drop and got really dizzy. My face felt flushed and I was trying to seem as normal as possible and said "Oh, I didn't know he was dating already"
I called him and he confirmed that they've been dating...wait for it...two months. Basically just jumped from our relationship into this new one. I was forcing a smile and trying to sound pleasantly surprised and told him that although I was having a hard time processing the fact that he's already dating someone, that I'm happy for him.
I'm totally not. I want him to be miserable. I know from experience that he just IS a miserable person who has a lot of issues to work out, but I know that he's probably enjoying dating her. I start to wonder if what we had was meaningless and not as significant as I thought. I've hooked up with a few people, I have no reason to be outraged...however, how could he be so fine with falling in love so soon while I can't really picture dating again until I work out my problems. Well, duh, we're too completely different people, but OMG HOW?? If it was so easy for him to move on, did that mean he didn't love me? That I wasn't important? He used to gush to me about how special I was and how I was 'The One', but now I picture him saying those things to her! My anxiety is back, full blown. Haven't eaten in two whole days. My brain is being pretty logical about this, but the way my body is reacting tells me that I am not handling it well whatsoever. He really rushed things with me and him...asked me to date him three days in, took me on a vacation 7 days in, told me he loved me two weeks in and asked me to marry him a month in. He almost left the relationship with as much speed and enthusiasm as he had entered it. Is it possible he just rushes things constantly and is doing the same with her? How do I not let this bother me? I've started meditation and thank god I have a therapy appointment tomorrow, but I just want it to be 6 months down the line and not feel this crazy anymore! Plus, I acted the fool for an entire month after we broke up...crying and pleading with him on the phone, writing him angry/desperate messages on FB. I sent him nudie pics once while drunk, like a moron, thinking "see how sexy I am? You're missing out on this" WHILE HE WAS DATING HER. They've definitely been laughing at me while I was being a sad, pathetic crazy ex. Ugh, that kills me to know.

[sarek]

I think you need to find yourself again first. Surely you are not going to let somebody else decide for you how you are supposed to feel?

And on second thought, the speed at which he decided he wanted to marry you does put up something of a red flag. Its possible of course, but it does not happen often.

But what he is doing should not bother you any more.
You have your own life to focus on. And you will most definitely find someone who DOES deserve what you can give them.

[BlastAuf]

That's what kind of drives me crazy as well...he's obviously moved on (Maybe not in the healthiest of ways) and I'm still stuck on his comings and goings.
I know that dating somebody again would provide me a distraction, but that would just be me transferring my affections. I've always done that in the past; just quickly moved onto somebody else. I've never deliberately taken time out of dating to focus on my issues and to address WHY I feel so compelled to always be in a relationship and now I'm sitting here by myself going a little nuts. Thank God the logical part of my brain is screaming louder than the illogical part, thank god I recognize the fact that I have unhealthy relationship habits and thank god I have my wonderful therapists much needed outside perspective. I know that this isn't the end of the world and that I'll be fine, but my body is reacting in a way that tells me I don't believe that on some primal level. It just sucks because while I'm trying to focus on my internship, school and all around self, I feel SO anxious. I just want it to be later already! How do I make this easier and stop thinking about him?

[Tatyana2009]

Hi. Sounds like its hard for you to process all this. I dont know him but sounds like he is unstable. You feserve stability and want it. Right?
Then live your life. Be happy to live it without him and know that he will continue to be unstable.

How do you feel now? Less anxious?

[marjan]

He sounds like an insecure guy who needs to have a girl next to him all the time....I can bet you that this relationships will not last more than couple of weeks even!
If I were you, I would cut the contacts lose with him....and be relaxed....why to bother yourself with none-sense....
I've been there and I've done it....this is long time ago....I was so devastated when I saw him with another girl, just couple of weeks after our break up....such a jerk....well...he went out with that girl just for couple of months and then broke up with her and went out with her best friend....how ugly it is? I'm so glad that he's not in my life....that's who he is....
just my 2 cents advice to you.....don't try even to know what he does, because whatever he does will just hurt your feelings.....if the relationship doesn't work and he's gone out already with another girl, then why to bother yourself....
take care
marjan