[Jenn1fer82]

I feel really bad for doubting my bf but I just can't help it. He's going through a really bad divorce and the process of child support and visitation is very complicated. He's asked me to help him through it and I've done with what I can especially when I've never been through anything like this before. My concern is when we're about to see someone to help him understand how to make the process alittle bit less overwhelming something always happens. An example is we're suppose to go to a self-help legal service office and he calls me to tell me he's real nervous. I told him it'll be okay and I'll be by his side. 15 minutes later he tells me his car won't start. He's done this before with other occasions. We'll plan to do something and suddenly something will come up that makes it almost impossible to continue our plans. I can't help it but to question him and just say "what the heck is going on here". I wonder if he's lieing and just don't want to deal with his issues. I'm ready and dressed to leave today with him but now I"m home feeling frustrated. I wonder if he has anything to hide with this divorce that he doesn't want me to find out. I just dont like feeling this way about him bc I love him. I feel I couldn't talk to him about this bc he'll get very defensive. I could never understand how overwhelming it could be to go through a divorce and have kids. I would just assume that he would grab the bull by its horn and just tackle the issues.

[amy83]

Sometimes i think men are just plain stupid and think they can avoid this stuff. My almost ex husband had a child when he was 22 and didn't know til 6 years later..... Well there was always crap with court the mom was always trying to get money and take him back to court and he lost his job once and wouldn't go file to get his support reduced etc.... Easy stuff if he'd just do it. But instead anytime something would happen with it he would get drunk and mad.
I totally get that it is emotionally draining and financially it sucks big time. My ex had another kid with another girl.... So we we're usually broke because he had to pay for ins then child support for two kids so pretty much half his check was gone. And court never cared that we had our own child to take of.
It's not easy stuff to deal with. He might be saying this stuff because he is just worried about going. But tell him it's gonna happen with or without him and if he doesn't look into legal help now he will only get more screwed later.
Goo Luck

[marjan]

Hi my dear,

stay strong...This is not easy....I told you that my ex-bf in Toronto had three kids and seperated....I loved him so much, but I couldn't handle the whole drama...kids were getting sick, money problems, family issues....and I was really at the end! That's why I decided to move to California thinking that he may come with me....but he didn't...well...he shouldn't too...I was so selfish thinking him to leave his kids....
Anyway, this is what it is....not easy...and you guys are new in each others life, just be careful to not get pregnant from him!
Take it easy and enjoy your life....his problems are his not yours....stay away from his issues, he has to deal with them by himself....

with love
Marjan

[AAAAA]

Jenn it sounds very much like he wants you to do this for him. I know you want to help him, but he needs to get off his butt and help himself. He's a father for pete's sake! I think it's time for some tough love. Stop "helping" (ie enabling) him so much. If HE makes the appointment and you are free, feel free to join him. This is HIS problem and HE has to man up and sort it out.

I think you've hit a lot of things on the head. It sounds like he's trying everything he can to avoid the issue. It's really easy for him to blame everything on the ex. but in reality she cannot deny him visitation without court approved grounds. Only a fool would do that because it can cost her primary custody, unless she's sure he wouldn't seek it anyway. OR if he's pulling the same thing with her he's doing with you, ie missing scheduled times.

It sounds like a lot of alarms flashing, time to start listening to those warning voices in your head.

As a side note, in my opinion the courts should care if a parent goes out and has another kid. Just because the relationship didn't work doesn't mean that the child doesn't need food, housing, medical, dental and everything else. Nor do these needs decrease just because dear old dad (or mom) has another kid. If you make them, you support them and if it's a financial burden why on God's green earth have more?

But it brings up a very valid and important point for you to concider Jenn, if this a serious relationship the financial burden doesn't decrease with time, it increases. Your future is important these ugly realities need to be explored.

[jerrymichele]

But it brings up a very valid and important point for you to concider Jenn, if this a serious relationship the financial burden doesn't decrease with time, it increases. Your future is important these ugly realities need to be explored. __________________

You should really think about this. You don't have kids, and you would really be sacrificing a lot for someone else kids. I'm not trying to upset you, but if this was me I would have a hard time being with him, because he's not starting the process with his divorce, kids, and all that kind of stuff. When I first meet my bf he failed to tell me that he had his now ex with him. I was like I don't do that kind of stuff. If you want me that whole entire relationship has got to be over with. You need to stand up for yourself Jen. You can get another guy. One that is single without all that baggage. You know what else when I read your one post about the friend he should have said something to that other girl. Ya I know that I told you to not to mess with her, but he should have intervened, and told her to leave you alone. Jen I'm so sorry this is hard for you, but the truth is that you deserve so much better than this. Why settle for less if you don't need to.