[ClicWelshie]

Well im 19 now and i know i have a long life ahead of me but for many years now, dont know how long but i have found out i seem to end up fancying gay men. I am a straight woman, i have had a few relationships with straight men, my last relationship was with a man who was bi. But it seems that i always find myself fancying gay men, when i try to flirt or something with straight men it is always always sex orientated and i really dont want a relationship all about sex, i find a lot of straight men so annoying and arrogant.
Now i am not a lesbian i am straight but sometimes i feel myself thinking about having a sex change just so maybe i would have a chance, i have never been a girly girl, always a tom boy, i rarely wear make up, and well do girly things.
My brother is gay, not that i fancy him that is just very wrong, over the years i just find every guy that i really like is gay and it turns out to be true.
And honestly it truly is getting me down, i start to feel so lonely, im not the prettiest thing in the world i truly arent but i try to look after myself, i do try but any decent straight lads really dont look my way.

When i was 11 and since then i have always been fairly depressed, not to the limit where i need to take medication but i have tried to commit suicide a couple of times when i was younger not because ot the gay thing but because of the bullying i got through school, even though i try so hard to put it behind me it often does come back up.

i just dont know what to do with myself anymore

[paddym22]

Welshie

Welcome to PC and congrats on your first post. I am not clear, do you actually flirt with gaymen or do you realise that it would be a waste of time. I have a few female friends who are no that into sexual relations with men and prefer the "safe" relationship they have with me as sex is never an issue, as far as I can tell. Is it once you hear a bloke is Gay that you then fancy him or do you fancy the whole gay idea or are you just looking for a no strings attached friend? You are only going to create more problems for your self (((((Welshie)))) looking in an area where love will not be requited.

You say that any decent straight lads dont look your way, I may also not be George Clooney and yeah it took time to find the right person but I did in the end. I just relaxed, stopped looking, started to like myself a bit and that boosted my self confidence a bit and I didnt bother whether I turned heads or not.


Dont be too hard on yourself

Thanks

Paddy

KEEP POSTING

[ClicWelshie]

Hiya, thanks for the reply.
I dont actually flirt with gay men, mainly as im useless at flirting, even with straight men
I generally fancy them before i know they are gay, there has been on a number of occasions that i have fancied someone and then i found out that they are gay