[marjan]

I feel so sad....not sure if there is any chance left to fall in love again...It feels he was the last guy I really liked....I hate this feelings....but I'm getting so disappointed....I look around and I don't feel attracted to guys around me....even I'm not attracted to him anymore after him being so mean and unkind and breaking my hurt so many times....

Is there any hope left for love?

[Shangrala]

Awww, Marjan~

I know of your pain...and I'm so sorry.

Yes. You will find love again. I promise you will.
I know it is of no consolation to you now, especially how hopeless that you're feeling at present.

I remember when I felt exactly as you do right now.
I was 29, involved in a relationship with a commitment-phobic for 3 years, (he was 10 years older). We lived together. I was, for the most part, happy...thought he was too. But it seemed, the more we grew closer, the faster he sped away from me...or, from the commitment to us. He sought out reasons to condemn us, (of course, all my fault), to the point where, he began accusing me of cheating on him..which not only caught me way by surprise, but broke my heart. I was REALLY into this guy.

It got to the point where....he literally became physically abusive. Out from nowhere...One night, as a result from an arguement he was losing to....he exploded....beat me to a pulp, dragged me out onto the front lawn by my hair..and slammed the door on me...locked me out.

I had no choice but to go to the police for help. They weren't of much help..in the long run...they actually suggested that he was the victim, somehow...(men seem to stick together in some twisted ways).
Devistated by what he'd done to me, feeling vicitmized by a force who is supposed "to protect and to serve"...(LOL...yeah...right!).
Results sent me in for psychological evalutaion for a short stay in hospital, (after a stupid attempt of ending it for self...just didn't know how to cope).
Anyway.....it took me a VERY long time to overcome that.

There are many lessons I've learned from all of that, Marjan...But the one which I found most important was the fact that, after waking from that ordeal, I was given a second chance....And I began to view MY life for what it is worth. That I have something that no one else can ever have....my sense of self.
But even with that new awareness, the heartache from that loss impaired my perspective toward men, (and my hope of ever finding one deserving of me), for a VERY long time.
Once I began to be able to put that pain behind me, sure...I found another, (present hub), but even THAT has turned out not to be what is right for me.....15 years later...realizing that another mistake had been made. This time, enduring years of psychological abuse to the point that I have lost self). Yet, beneath it all, way deep inside of me, I KNOW that I WILL endure..that I will prevail..and that I MUST maintain faith..for self..that I will be happy.

Please, don't give up, Marjan. Keep your faith. You ARE important. You ARE valuable. You ARE worthy. You CAN be happy, (it will just require time). YOU have as much right to happiness as any one...Simple as that.
And, you WILL find the love worthy of YOU.

Infanite hugs to you, Marjan.
Time will provide you that which you seek, as he is seeking for you, as well....(you just aren't aware of it....YET).

I hope this has encouraged you ..even a lil....
You're in my thoughts....

Shangrala

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

Awww, Marjan~

I know of your pain...and I'm so sorry.

Yes. You will find love again. I promise you will.
I know it is of no consolation to you now, especially how hopeless that you're feeling at present.

I remember when I felt exactly as you do right now.
I was 29, involved in a relationship with a commitment-phobic for 3 years, (he was 10 years older). We lived together. I was, for the most part, happy...thought he was too. But it seemed, the more we grew closer, the faster he sped away from me...or, from the commitment to us. He sought out reasons to condemn us, (of course, all my fault), to the point where, he began accusing me of cheating on him..which not only caught me way by surprise, but broke my heart. I was REALLY into this guy.

It got to the point where....he literally became physically abusive. Out from nowhere...One night, as a result from an arguement he was losing to....he exploded....beat me to a pulp, dragged me out onto the front lawn by my hair..and slammed the door on me...locked me out.

I had no choice but to go to the police for help. They weren't of much help..in the long run...they actually suggested that he was the victim, somehow...(men seem to stick together in some twisted ways).
Devistated by what he'd done to me, feeling vicitmized by a force who is supposed "to protect and to serve"...(LOL...yeah...right!).
Results sent me in for psychological evalutaion for a short stay in hospital, (after a stupid attempt of ending it for self...just didn't know how to cope).
Anyway.....it took me a VERY long time to overcome that.

There are many lessons I've learned from all of that, Marjan...But the one which I found most important was the fact that, after waking from that ordeal, I was given a second chance....And I began to view MY life for what it is worth. That I have something that no one else can ever have....my sense of self.
But even with that new awareness, the heartache from that loss impaired my perspective toward men, (and my hope of ever finding one deserving of me), for a VERY long time.
Once I began to be able to put that pain behind me, sure...I found another, (present hub), but even THAT has turned out not to be what is right for me.....15 years later...realizing that another mistake had been made. This time, enduring years of psychological abuse to the point that I have lost self). Yet, beneath it all, way deep inside of me, I KNOW that I WILL endure..that I will prevail..and that I MUST maintain faith..for self..that I will be happy.

Please, don't give up, Marjan. Keep your faith. You ARE important. You ARE valuable. You ARE worthy. You CAN be happy, (it will just require time). YOU have as much right to happiness as any one...Simple as that.
And, you WILL find the love worthy of YOU.

Infanite hugs to you, Marjan.
Time will provide you that which you seek, as he is seeking for you, as well....(you just aren't aware of it....YET).

I hope this has encouraged you ..even a lil....
You're in my thoughts....

Shangrala

Thanks so much Shangrala....you are the best encouragment....
I think the reason that I lost my hope and courage is that I've been single for most of my life and I really didn't have a long term relationship...my relationship with my ex-husband was not good at all...I don't think I ever loved him...I was just so afraid of being lonely, that's why I was with him....then my ex-bf in Toronto was great...but we were together just for few months and I moved here....besides, he had so much problem regarding his seperation and three kids....then it was Aaron who is a total jerk...OMG...he's a total waste...I'm just so disappointed....
I hate to be this much negetive, but that's the way it is...and it looks like there is no guy left in LA....where are them? Toronto had lots of guys...I was always surrounded by my guy friends....I had just one girlfriend...going out with guys are more fun than going out with girls for me....not sure how to find a guy friend?

thanks again

[Shangrala]

Hmmm...

Where to find men? Good ones?..Hmmmm...That is a good question.

I'm much like you, Marjan. I've always gotten along better with guys, too.
Had maybe only 2 real girlfriends my entire lifetime. Hung out with guys most my life. Heck..I was raised with 7 brothers, and besides one other girl, all the kids on the street were boys.

I grew up quite the tomboy.....never was into the girly, cutezie pink n lace. I liked what the boys liked to do...so that other girl and I really didn't share all that much in common.
In fact....the girly, "I broke a nail", squeeky, giggly behavior irritated me for many years....lmao.

As far as where to find the men.......Gawd..that's a tough one. The first thing that comes to mind is, maybe find places that many men hangout at? Ewwww...that means, sports, bars and couches...lol..JUST KIDDING!
Seriously, though.....maybe if you can stomach sport events you're bound to find many there, (though many are the muscle heads). How bout at fitness centers?...Find yourself a well buffed hunk at one of those places.
(I like the auto events....antique and classic car events...even car races..those are fun fun fun).
Let's see..where else.....Where do men hangout?

Hmmm...gawd.....(Thinking outloud with a touch of humor here..lmao)....
Let's analyze this a bit.....What do men like?
Men like, food, sports, cars, sex and money, (not necessarily in that order).
There it is..If there's other interests..then either I'm completely unaware of them, or those few rare men who do have interests outside of that list of 5 things are few and far inbetween.

Perhaps there are some men out there who would like to offer some ideas?
Obvoiusly, my insight is highly hindered here.

Anyhow, Marjan.....Continue keeping the faith. That is what will get you through this.

Thinking of you~

Shangrala

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

Hmmm...

Where to find men? Good ones?..Hmmmm...That is a good question.

I'm much like you, Marjan. I've always gotten along better with guys, too.
Had maybe only 2 real girlfriends my entire lifetime. Hung out with guys most my life. Heck..I was raised with 7 brothers, and besides one other girl, all the kids on the street were boys.

I grew up quite the tomboy.....never was into the girly, cutezie pink n lace. I liked what the boys liked to do...so that other girl and I really didn't share all that much in common.
In fact....the girly, "I broke a nail", squeeky, giggly behavior irritated me for many years....lmao.

As far as where to find the men.......Gawd..that's a tough one. The first thing that comes to mind is, maybe find places that many men hangout at? Ewwww...that means, sports, bars and couches...lol..JUST KIDDING!
Seriously, though.....maybe if you can stomach sport events you're bound to find many there, (though many are the muscle heads). How bout at fitness centers?...Find yourself a well buffed hunk at one of those places.
(I like the auto events....antique and classic car events...even car races..those are fun fun fun).
Let's see..where else.....Where do men hangout?

Hmmm...gawd.....(Thinking outloud with a touch of humor here..lmao)....
Let's analyze this a bit.....What do men like?
Men like, food, sports, cars, sex and money, (not necessarily in that order).
There it is..If there's other interests..then either I'm completely unaware of them, or those few rare men who do have interests outside of that list of 5 things are few and far inbetween.

Perhaps there are some men out there who would like to offer some ideas?
Obvoiusly, my insight is highly hindered here.

Anyhow, Marjan.....Continue keeping the faith. That is what will get you through this.

Thinking of you~

Shangrala

you ARE SO FUNNY...making me laugh....ya...guys like food, sport, sex and drink...

I used to have lots of guy friends and I used to introduce more guy friends to them...it was like a joke...they were complaining to me that I bring more guys to the group....I think that was Toronto....

well...my new decision is just concentrating on my own life instead of looking for a guy....

Thanks again for encouragement

[vee_9]

Originally Posted by marjan

I feel so sad....not sure if there is any chance left to fall in love again...It feels he was the last guy I really liked....I hate this feelings....but I'm getting so disappointed....I look around and I don't feel attracted to guys around me....even I'm not attracted to him anymore after him being so mean and unkind and breaking my hurt so many times....

Is there any hope left for love?

You're so lucky to feel so strongly for someone! Things will pick up. My dilemma is that I haven't felt strongly for anyone for about 2 years now! You'll fall in love again, just give it time.