This janitor made me feel so uncomfortable..

There's this guy at work, he's a janitor. Me and my close colleage always used to chat with him and have good laughs until I notice that he keeps lurking at me which makes me feel very uncomfortable. I keep noticing him hanging around my office all the time. Whenever I sit by the reception area, he stops by a few times and tries to have a conversation with me and when I was to busy to talk to him he just stands there by me. I just ignored him until he went away. The same thing happened when I was in the mailroom. I keep noticing him hanging around the hallway whenever I pass by.. I got so suspicious and so annoyed that I had to avoid him. He's a nice guy but I don't like the way he keeps hanging around when I'm there.. He's not my type and he's a married man. I told my colleage about it, he told me to just ignore him and if he makes me feel too uncomfortable to avoid him, which is exactly what I've been doing. If he notices maybe he'll get the message that I'm not interested and will leave me THE HLL alone...

...unless he's said/done something you aren't sharing, it doesn't sound like he's cracking on to you or anything?

isn't it altogether possible that he's just lonely, and you're a friendly face? can't imagine he'd be having too many other ppl who would chat to him during the day, and who knows what his situation is like at home?

i used to have a coffee with the cleaner when i worked in a hospital every thursday around morning tea time. she was such a great lady and i was glad for the conversation, but i also know it meant a lot to her because work was all she had.

Oh so I should be very nice to him even though he makes me uncomfortable? LOLOLOLOLOL THIS IS SOO F HILARIOUS!! People tell me "If men aren't interested, leave them alone" Now when it happens to me you tell me to be nice to this guy b/c he's too lonely.. THIS B.S. DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!

no where have i said "be very nice to him even though he makes you uncomfortable". that's simply your (incorrect) interpretation of what i have in fact said.

but it sounds like you know how you would like to handle this situation, so more power to you.

welcome to PC, btw.

Listen to your feelings. I work at a hospital too and had a similar experience with a co-worker...He never actually tried anything physically with me...just stared and lurked around wherever I was. Something about him made me go out of my way to avoid him. He did end up getting fired for trying something very inappropriate with another co-worker.

I am very good friends with our ES staff and our facilities management staff and none of them have ever made me feel like that (all male).

Trust your feelings.

Sunset....

Welcome to PC. I agree with both Deli and Susan. On one hand you do want to trust your gut and honor your feelings, yet maybe you might want to make sure that your feelings match with what the situation actually is.

I don't know this person....so maybe I would feel uncomfortable too, but some people, especially if they are from different cultures, do not see this type of behavior as offensive so he may not even be meaning anything by it or know that it is bothering you.

Next time you feel he is lurking, why don't you just ask him if there is something that he needs, or take him aside in the office and let him know that his behavior is making you uncomfortable and politely ask him to stop. If he doesn't respect your wishes, then take it to his boss, or your boss. But first and foremost attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him to please stop this behavior because to you it feels invasive.

If you tell him it makes you uncomfortable, he may feel bad and his behavior may change. If it doesn't, take it up the chain of command.

This may be difficult for you, as your response to Deli's post made you sound like a very defensive person, but you did post this situation on a public support forum so if you don't want suggestions or opinions, maybe next time you should say so upfront in your post.

Maybe that is one of your challenges? Setting personal boundaries and being upfront about your needs and desires?

I hope this helps some....

Take care!!

This happens frequently in work places. I advise you to either tell him directly that you are not comfortable with his behaviour and would he please back off. If that dosen't work I would tell my supervisor and have him/her talk to his supervisor. If either on of those dosen't work or, he dosen't stop, then I would go to HR and file a complaint.

Good Luck,

Eric

One thing you're doing that you may not notice... you're noticing him. And when you notice him... he notices you. Every glance of the eye! Even if you're just checking to make sure he's not noticing you... it may be perceived wrong. I say no eye contact and completely pretend he doesn't exist. I've been in this situation before where my awkward glances at someone (like the janitor) were perceived wrong. Give that a shot and see if it works after a week or so. If anything, it will help you to concentrate on more important things than a creepy janitor.

That's exactly what I've been doing ever since I noticed. Whenever he starts lurking at me I just ignored him, whenever I see him I look the other way. I've been avoiding him as much as I could, I even had to close the door inside the mailroom. If he does get out of hand I'll definetly will report him. In the meantime I'll just keep doing like you said.

Sunset-L

If it were me, the next time I saw him staring at me I'd approach him directly and politely ask him IF he's staring and why - because it makes me very uncomfortable.

He may not be a "pervert." It's possible he's just socially awkward, lonely at work and would like a friend. Having friends at work makes the work day a little easier. By confronting him, you will make it clear to him you are not "friend" material. Maybe then he will leave you alone.

I'd give him a chance to explain himself to you before reporting him to any authorities and officially labeling him a "creep," and placing him at risk for losing his job.

Sunset-L Im sorry you now find that he makes you feel uncomfortable. I tend to agree with ((KathyM))) I would give him a chance to say whats going on.

You said in the beginning (((Me and my close colleage always used to chat with him and have good laughs )))))
He may just being friendly.He may think you guys are friends.
Welcome to pc btw.

hi hun

i am a big believer in going with your 'gut' feelings

he is giving you some uncomfortable feelings.
go with them
you can be polite to him BUT, perhaps you should not be friendly

make sure you have company entering and leaving the building
ur hard-wired DNA instincts normally do not lie

if someone gives you the heebie jeebies PAY ATTENTION

just my opinion

Personally I would go with my gut feeling on this one. I would just ask him in a noncombatant way to stop doing what he is doing. Tell him that your very uncomfortable with his actions. Some people just can't take a hint.

This morning I was avoiding him as much as I can, and the minute I walked to the reception desk to talk to my close colleage, he pops right in. I didn't say hi to him or anything I just kept talking to my colleage and he started to rubbing my shoulder asking me how am I doing. I started getting very frustrated.. My colleage calmed me down and told me to stay away from him. I also told my other close colleage, and she told me that if he keeps this up that I should tell him to stop or I'll report him which is exactly will leave me no choice b/c he's very much invading my space..

That is really creepy. I would do something about it. You handled it well. I probably would have went off on him. I can't stand anyone just coming up and touching me.