Internet Dating

I've been trying my luck at internet dating the past few months
with not much luck. I'm just an average looking man with issues.
I have gotten alot of views of my profile from women and some
of them are very attractive. I don't bother to reply to them
because my confidence and self-esteem are low , which doesn't
help matters. I just feel as though it's a big waste of time and
effort to try and hook up with any of these women because
once they find out about my issues , I believe it's goodbye ,
nice knowing ya.
Did you ever notice the handsome men and beautiful women
are on the favorites lists in big numbers compared to the
average looking person or the ones who's pictures are dark.
What does that tell you ? Don't need a PHD for that one.
Should I throw in the towel , or continue to torture myself
with something that will probably never happen.

YOU CHOOSE .....


appears on 6 favorite lists



appears on 112 favorite lists

I do think you can find ppl off the internet. My bff and her man have been together 4 years after meeting off a chat site. It wasn't really a dating site but turned into it for them. And the more ppl you try to talk to even just for friends the more chance you have to meet the one.

Baby not everyone is just on physical attraction. I have seen a lot of attractive people with the average person. Physical attraction only can last for so long in a relationship. There needs to be more there then just looks. If a person truly loves and cares for a person they are not going to let health problems stop them from being involved in a relationship. We are who we are. There is no need to be a shamed of who we are including yourself.

Baby~

I have NEVER put an emphasis on the exterior...ever.

To be honest, sure....while Mr.Gorgeous who's on 112 fav lists may be pleasing to the eye, that doesn't tell anything about the guy. Chances are that Mr.G is only as beautiful as his exterior.
Imo, anyone who applies more importance to the exterior only states the status of the interior....for me, a definate turn-off.
And more than likely...the more gorgeous the exterior, the more shallow the interior..

Though, good looks can be an omen, as well....I should know..(lmao....JUST KIDDING....omg...can't believe I'm even kidding on that...Now everyone will prob think I'm NOT kidding.....no matter...still think that's funny).

Personally, I think meeting ppl online offer one great advantage, (so long as that person is honest from the start...n that's where the one great chance taken is, as well), you get to see the person's REAL beauty. Anything on the outside is a mere bonus to their package.

I'm willling to wager that Mr.Common, who's on the 6 fav's list, is FAR more genuine of a person as well as much more intreguing to be around than his rival.
If I were to choose, I'd go with Mr.C....odds are far greater for success.

Don't give up, Baby. So long as you can find someone who's honest and real on the ins, it really doesn't matter what's on the outs.

Good luck and keep us updated on your progress.....ok?

Best wishes~

Shangrala

I agree with this also baby. You know I have been out with some really attractive guys where women were after them. I just don't put to much into it. Well now I have a bf, but when I was single I would just go out with them just to go out. A lot of people like that are vain. I want to be with someone where if I want to let my hair down he isn't going to say anything. My bf is like that. Baby personally I think that if you opened up to some of these women on a friendship level first, they will like you. Your a really nice guy.

Agreed......Chris...You ARE simply a sweetie....It's hard for me to understand how any woman out there would pass you up! And your sense of humor?...Omg! THAT is so the must!
And, IF they pass judgement on you for who you ARE....screw them! THEIR loss, completely!...
If they only took out the time to get to know you better....HELLA score!!!

Shangrala

Hello,

I would stick in there, I think it has allot to offer. The odd time I get brave and dabble in the online thing in small bursts, I do feel its a great way to cut through all the difficulties of real life meetings.

first good thing, you can be as picky as you want, with all the profiles you have a MUCH better chance to make a judgment call on lifestyle and common interests. Where in real life, you indeed have nothing but looks to off. You have no idea what person on the street is into, it takes the courage to actually engage them, then followup a few times to see and learn. And if you indeed learn that your not compatible after a a few dates etc.. its kind of awkward if you ask me. Online however, you can judge if better. They will list drinking habits, drugs, interests, what they enjoy etc.... not to mention pictures tell a thousand words. Not talking about looks, but if you see 10 pics of the person all drunk, in different clothes in different bars.. well...

The second best part is you can also get YOU out there on a real level. If you suffer from issues you "think" others may shy from... say it, why not, I do. It will ween out the people who may indeed not deal with it well. What do you have to loose. I quite honestly tell the story how it is, lol. I have a very long description. I say things like, "don't do the bar scene" "don't do well in public or crowded venues" "prefer private outings, home settings or campfires over the beach, bar or movie theater" etc... etc.... So that immediately probably cuts out 80% of other people, perfect if you ask me. Then what you find are people who actually look for and respect your lifestyle, even if its based around hinderences...

I don't know, I just really enjoy the whole resume idea, lol, its like you can get/give all the info you typically need 5 dates to find out.

Further more, as Shangrala said, if you get to actually talking, by net, phone etc.. you then get to know the real person, the inner them. Indeed there are phony people online, but what I found to be a 100% guarantee, if you stick to a rule of always moving slow, as in online talk only for the first month or so.... all the fakes, players, and not so genuine people get bored and move on. There are 10000's of profiles online, if they have ulterior motives and are on for a single not so good reason... they will target others if you take "babysteps" ;P

Just my take on it,

0ldsoul

can you practice relating to women in real life situations? Church, the store, a lesson of some sort, the gym, a group to join? Pick something that is YOU then you will have things to talk about with the women around, things in common. Soon you will feel more relatable, you won't feel consumed by your issues once you have made some friends of the opposite sex and friendships are the jumping off point!

Thanks Shangrala , Michele and Old Soul .

I really appreciate you guys giving me a

Put I think I'll use my hands for better purposes .




Dear Lord , find me somebody to love .
Not just anybody , but someone who is right for me .

Might as well go straight to the Top.
Even God has a sense of humour.

I am and have tried internet dating- I have had the same experience- everyone
is looking for a certain look and otherwise they don't care
I have been matched with people from out or state and it is feeling
rather hopeless
I am not joining again - I hope your situation gets better

Been there, done that, epic fail. It's not so easy.

Just want to clear something up , this is NOT me.
I've been getting PM's saying I like your picture.
He is much better looking than me.

you are funniest man on earth....you made me laugh!
I just want to add that look is reletive....not everybody likes the same look....I used to date this guy who still I think is the most handsome man on earth, and ironically all my friends were thinking he's so unattractive and they were making fun of me why I like him even....you know what I told them...I said, you got to be inside me and look at him through my eyes, then you will find out what I see....He was the kindest person ever, but I had instant chemistry with him from the begining...
I'm trying online dating these days, but I'm so lazy....I didn't post any photos as I can see some guys that I already know are there and I don't want them to know that I'm doing online dating....so, for that I don't really get that much response, there is no pic one guy has asked my picture and I sent it to him and he replied back that I'm cute and he left me a phone number, but I didn't have gut to call him....I just emailed him back after several days and he didn't respond back yet...I might call him next week....
so, you see, there are lazy girls online who paid already and don't even bother to login like me!
My sister got married through online dating, same as two of my friends....so, there is hope in online dating....
good luck to both of us
Marjan

Baby I have never thought that was you. You are funny. I remember you saying something about you being bald, well a lot of women think bald men are attractive. I am one of them. I like men when they have no hair, or shaved. Take a look at my photos and you will see my bf. He's 34 and he's almost completely bald. I guarantee that if you just get on out there someone will fall in love with you. Your a good man. Physical attraction can only last for so long in a relationship. It's what inside that matters.

Baby I have never thought that was you. You are funny. I remember you saying something about you being bald, well a lot of women think bald men are attractive. I am one of them. I like men when they have no hair, or shaved. Take a look at my photos and you will see my bf. He's 34 and he's almost completely bald. I guarantee that if you just get on out there someone will fall in love with you. Your a good man. Physical attraction can only last for so long in a relationship. It's what inside that matters.

Thanks for the encouragement Michele
I save money on shampoo also . It's all good

Baby I was having problems with posting the message that is why it came up twice. lol I didn't think either one of them went threw.

hi. i find this topic so interesting, because i met my bf online. we met on another forum, not psychcentral, and not a dating site. it was just a friendly situation, but both of us ended up falling in love, and keeping it secret from the other - and he eventually confessed and i confessed back! the kicker is, we never exchanged pictures or descriptions, until AFTER we had fallen in love.

in each other's eyes, we are both beautiful and amazing - because we see each other through eyes of love.

i have never dated anyone based on looks. i have seen cute guys, hot guys, etc. and had my fantasies - but my relationships are always based on my attraction and love for the inner person. physical attraction is important in a romantic relationship. but physical attraction and chemistry does not follow the rules of our media and today's society - and their view that only the young and physically perfect, can be desirable.

i don't know you babysteps, but i can see from reading your posts on this forum, that you have a lovely sense of humor and are a very caring person. i am sure you could make a woman feel like she is the only woman in the world and in turn she would adore you for the deep soul that you have. you deserve someone the best - and that is someone who sees into your heart and soul and loves you for YOU. and does not care about externals.

don't give up

I met my husband online, i was divorced after 14 years to a man who didnt love me, i went on line a year later and met alot of different people, most of them nice, but looking for the perfect woman, who is perfect? when I met my husband, i told him this was the last time i would be matched and if he didnt like what he saw, to please just politely walk away ( i am a plus size woman most of the guys i met wanted a size 4... havent been a size four since 4th grade lol well, we met july 19 2005 and have been together ever since! there is someone out there for you, but if you are feeling negative about the online stuff now, get off of it for a while and just be, enjoy what you have, there is someone out there waiting for you. Little did I know, my future husband lived less than a mile away from me, we married in 07 on my birthday and that was the nicest gift ever! Hang in there, you will find your true mate...

aww...that is so sweet and inspiring...to let you know...I'm size 4, but that doesn't make any difference....I'm just wondering there are lots of single girls and guys unhappy being alone, then they are looking for what????
I'm so happy for you and thanks for sharing it with us....
Did you post picture too? I am a little bit shy to post my pictures....

Your story is so sweet. Thank you for sharing.

Your story is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

Baby ,, You have an awesome kicka ss sense of humor ..... made me LOL . with your version of God Help Me ... hehe .

Have fun with life ,,,, it has it's rewards .
T/C
WMD.

PISHAW!....LIES! LIES! Lol....
I gotsta take a lookies at your cuteness!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, remember?....And I've beholded yours....You are FAR more handsomes....LOVE your eyes! (wink wink)

I have to include, too, that I've met my love, Krisitan, online. Granted, lives in another country, but will be here on the 31st of this month...FINALLY. Sorta send the message that, Love, in it's TRUE form, knows no boundaries.

Shangrala