[robin620]

It's been three years since I broke up with my first love. Now I've been married for a while and I love my husband but lately I've been thinking a lot about my first love. I don't really have anything I want to say to him or anything like that - and I haven't had any communication with him in over a year. My husband thinks that since I'm thinking about my ex I'm still in love with him and I'm not. I'm just wondering if it's normal to still think about someone even if you don't feel the need to ever see them or talk to them again.

[jerrymichele]

I think that it's normal. I've done it, and still do sometimes. I'm not in-love with my ex, but I wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to him either. It's just like when someone passes away, you just don't stop remembering that person because they are gone. Your husband seems really sensitive about you talking about this, so I wouldn't mention it anymore to him. Anyways somtimes a bad relationship can be a benefit, because we learn about what we want, and don't want. What better way then true experience.

[ACanthony1984]

Hi Robin- Of course it's normal. There's nothing abnormal about those feelings. You have loved him in the past and love is very strong so it's natural you will think about him from time to time. What I would do though is just forget about the past. You can't change it right? It's good you have loving memories of your ex and there is no need to just forget those memories. However, the past is the past. Focus on the present and be grateful you have a loving husband. Strive to be more appreciative of him in the present moment and everything will work about in the end. Never dwell on thoughts of the past. Good luck.

[Visioneer]

Your first love will never leave you, whether their impact on your life was good or bad. It is harmless to still think about that, unless it interferes with your current relationship with your husband, or if you are spending substantial amounts of time delving into the past. It might be wise to keep those thoughts to your self, as it seems your husband is worried at this point. You need to reassure him that you have no desire or intention to get back together with him, you just sometimes remember the relationship, for whatever reason. I'm sure he thinks about his Xs too. Ask your self if you feel alright with that, and then decide whether it's a good thing to talk to your husband about.

I sometimes think about old friends or Xs, but that doesn't mean I want to talk to them or get back together with them. It was a completely different life. But just because things have changed it doesn't mean they won't always be in my memory. And as long as that memory isn't interfering with my current life, there is no harm to it.

[robin620]

Thank you for your comments. I didn't really think it was all that odd, I remember a lot of weird stuff - like things from when I was 3 years old. This time of year was emotional for me when I was with my ex and that's probably what made me think of him maybe a little more than usual. I try not to talk to my husband about him but when I get "thinky" he knows it's something I don't really want to talk to him about and that list isn't very long.