[Xelora]

Because I'm going through a breakup, it's very much in my mind if I'll be friends with her in the future or what. So if you are (or aren't) what does it look and feel like?

[thunderbear]

Hello Xelora. I'm not friends with any of my exes. But I would imagine it is probably awkward. Especailly if one of you move on with someone else. And what if you got another girlfriend? Or your ex found someone else. How would it feel to y'all's current partners? I know if my husband was friends with his ex wife it would be very uncomfortable for me. Not because of jealousy but because it just would lol.

[sabby]

Hey Xelora,

It takes very special folks to be able to be friends after a breakup. Sometimes it can happen right away, other times it takes a few months to a few years before you can be friends/friendly.

I wouldn't say that I am friends with my first ex, but I have managed to have a decent relationship with him because of our children. Even though this man was an abusive s.o.b., I took the high road and realized that no matter what he was to me, he was still the father of my children and I needed to acknowledge that and have some respect for that relationship. I have had him over for holiday dinners as he is alone and ill now. We can talk and joke with one another and I have no fear of him anymore. I say what I want to say and he can go pound sand if he doesn't like it LOL.

My second ex, I care about very much. He finds it hard to have any connection even years after our divorce. I think of him like a big brother actually. Married we were no good, but as friends, we can make it ok. He's a good guy but I grew and he didn't and I needed to spread my wings as he sat in his recliner with the remote.....I just couldn't do that anymore.

Now, my soon to be 3rd ex is a bit of a different story. I hope we can be friends, but I'm not sure that will happen. We live in different countries and he really has nothing to do with me anymore. I'm ok with our divorce that is pending and I wish him well, but there is still some hurt and anger lingering in me and I think he is feeling very guilty and unsure of how I would accept him as other than my husband. So the jury is still out on that one.

All I know is that I would rather work through the difficulties and then put them aside if at all possible. Being able to see the ex's in public or private and being able to have a decent relationship after the breakup certainly makes life much easier for both parties. But I do understand that there are breakups that are so heated and difficult that there is no way there could be a friendship formed after the fact.


sabby

[bebop]

I am very good friends with my ex. as a matter of fact he comes to holiday dinners at my house. this past weekend he spent all day with my family for my dads 80th birthday party and out to dinner with us after. I sat between he and my present husband. to me it was funny. communication is the key.

[Pomegranate]

I think it depends on the people involved. And I think that the months or year just following a relationship can be problematic for at least one of the people involved. (If you have children that's another story entirely.) But if not, a break for a while after the split is probably a good idea. After emotions have cooled down and both people have time to reflect on the relationship THEN maybe it's possible to be friends.

[sweetypie]

...i am very good friends with my first ex (my kids dad)

we had a good friendship all throughout our marriage. i was the one who wanted the divorce, not him. we decided we would continue to co-parent our children.

we can hang out together, give each other rides if one's car is in the shop, pick/up drop/off at the airport, etc. we even go out for dinner occasionally, as a ''family.''

(my 2nd ex - he is in a different country. but if he were right next door i would never ever speak to him again. he's a total loser )

my boyfriend understands about my friendship with my 1st ex, and he totally trusts me that it is ONLY friendship. nothing else is there and won't ever be.

please keep in mind, if children are not involved, it could be very painful and very awkward at first, to be friends. but it is possible. one of my very best friends in life, is my first serious boyfriend from college. we were together about 8 years, when he dumped me for someone else. he ended up marrying her and it was painful for me for 3 yrs or more - then we were able to be very close friends. but we DID need that space between us for some length of time.

my best wishes for you

[leahcim]

Though I was not married to them, I lived with 3 girlfriends, one for several years so we may as well have been married. I am still friends with all 3.

Though the initial breakup and few months which followed were difficult, eventually I was able to maintain a friendly relationship with them and though it was many years ago, I still talk to 2 of them on a regular basis. We share stories of how our lives evolved post breakup and give each other advice. It's turned out o.k. for me. I hope this was helpful in some way.

[Umm_kelly]

I have maintained friendship with all except one of my exes. And the reason I didn't maintain it with the one is because he got really into drugs and became someone I didn't recognize. I've dated guys who I truly like as people, and who I became incredibly close with while dating. I cant seem to date anyone without becoming best friends. What I recommend to you is to just wait around for a while. If you two were close friends, then eventually you should be able to repair your friendship. You just have to want to.

[jerrymichele]

I can talk to my ex bf's, but not my ex-husband. He still can't stand me after 10 years apart. Really it's just the people involved, and what kind of relationship it was.