[BabyCakesHunt]

guess ill start at the begining.i am 45 and have had depression all my life but it was copable until i was 27 and had my 1st breakdown.ive been hospitalised several times n at times have been suicidal.i am on disability because of all this.from lookin at my medical papers that got me my disability they really scare me.depression,anxiety,obsessive,personality disorder,axis II personality disorder,social phobias ,fear of abandonment.....ect. all theres things are causing HUGE probs im my marriage.
i should say that i am in ontario canada and my husband lives in mississippi.i tried to go there but shortly after i got there he became unable to work n had to file for disability becuz of back probs b his nerves. he also suffers from depression and anxiety and other disorders also.
since i am in ontario and on disability i have full medical coverage n counselling resourses ect. all for free. since he has been outta work for over a year now he has nothing.no money,no medical,no counselling and has to live with his father n step mother and his father pays 4 everything for him..
my problem is this. i married this man and as any married couple i intended to spend the rest of my life with him.i know there is no1 to blame for him being unable to work but it hurts and i miss him terribly. he came here for a 2 month visit and a few weeks after he got here it all started to go so very wrong.we both began to get sick at the same time...depression anxiety ect.....not a good combination.
we have not really been able to live as man and wife.when i was in mississippi we lived with my inlaws and as a newly married couple we didnt live our lives.we lived their live n they r seiniors, so u can imagine how that went.
my depression and anxiety come out as anger. bad bad anger. i say terrible nasty things without thinking about the consequenses.his way of dealing with his illness and mine is tryin to push it away n not talk about it. i am pushing him away when asll i wanna do is pull him closer but it just a terrible mess.our only communication is by computer and im begining to feel im married to me comp. we r both getting to the point where we wanna talk to each other but dread turning on the puter cuz i always get extremely upset cuz of the situation n i miss him so bad and EVERY time we get into a huge argument and he ends up just ignoring me and just turning off his IM.
i have suggested yesterday that we have to stop talking as much.we r both at the point of havin a breakdown. it broke my heart to do this but i have blocked him on my IM,facebook and any other place we talk and have suggested we only communicate by email. and i will add that it is me that always looked to see if he was on Im or anywhere else and it was i that usually started the arguments.
i know this is an unusual situation with the 1200 mile between us and both of us having similal illnesses.i ahve tried anger management but my anxiety was so hight during that time i had a hard time sitting for the 2hr classes n couldnt absorb much they were trying to teach.
i just wanna know if any1 else has has a similiar situation with all this anger with depression and anxiety. if i dont do something about it i am just gonna push a good guy right outta my marriage that hasnt really had a chance to begin yet? PLEASE any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[jerrymichele]

Do you take any meds for your anxiety? I have anxiety also, and I can turn into a witch sometimes when I don't control it. My meds keep me stable for the most part.

[BabyCakesHunt]

i am in the process of getting the correct meds.i hope they will make the difference as u stated. if they dont.....my marriage is prob over.

[ACanthony1984]

Hello BabyCakes

I feel your pain. I'm 25 years old. Throughout my college years, I had pretty bad depression. I had racing thoughts, I would get nervous, and most of the time I'd be able to control my anger, but because I was so upset with myself sometimes I'd get this RAGE! I'm 25 years old now and am at peace with myself. Here is what helped me to turn my life around.
1. I started exercising more. Exercising gives you a high and it naturally starts to make me feel better. The body releases endorphins which supposedly make the brain feel happy.
2. I've turned my life over to God. If you are an atheist I guess this can't help you! I was never very religious but then I read the book "The Purpose Driven Life" and it opened my eyes and I truly discovered my life's purpose. I put ALL my trust in God and now I don't worry anymore about the past (hey, you can't change it, why worry about it) and I don't worry about the future (it's not here yet but what is here is the PRESENT, you can better yourself right now). If you are atheist that's okay.
3. Meditation. I focus on being in the present and to focus on my breathing whenever I feel my mind is racing. Breath is the key to life. It draws you back to the NOW. It's hard to initially meditate but it's kind of simple. A book to read to help you on this : "Wherever you Go there you are" by Jon Kabat Zinn. Great book! (another great book is Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...that helps with the anger problem, I think)
4. I make a concerted effort to connect to people. I'm not the most outgoing guy. But I find that by smiling at all people and just saying hello makes me feel happier. Smile right now. You'll feel better.
5. Control your thoughts. Happiness is contagious. Happy thoughts give life to other happy thoughts (easier said than done, right?!!!).
When all else fails, get right back up again! Life is very hard. It's not meant to be some big party where you are always having fun...you'll encounter problems but it's good that you are trying to find the root of your problems. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. You'll be just fine. Heck, I still get REAL depressed but sadness is a part of life.... Just make an effort to be happy. Your happiness is worth fighting for. All is well. Message me if you'd like to talk more about your problems...I'd be GLAD to help

[arcanum]

My fiance of a year and a bit lives in florida and i live in suffolk, england. We have seen each other a total of 20 days so far in our around 3 yr first friendship then relationship. I have to say i can get the same way as you sometimes and get so depressed about the fact that hes there not here with me that it just upsets us both to talk, so we take time out. We are in almost constant view of each other on webcam when he is not working. (I am on disability here and we both have problems, but share severe anxiety, social anxiety and depression mainly.) When we get too down we stop trying to make ourselves talk and making it worse by arguing or getting angry and take time out, we leave the cam on but he will go and watch tv accross the room and i will usually do the same or talk to my friends or do housework, anything. We are still in contact, still together, taking comfort in each others prescence but not compounding a problem we cant actually solve overnight.

Im sorry some of the time you have had has been marred by becoming ill at the same time, i was quite severely physically ill for a few days last time my fiance stayed but even so we still had as good a time as we could unspolit by anything else. You are fighting so much to be together, dont let it push you further apart, always remember why you love each other and that love is worth working for. Be good to each other, neither can solve this alone.

Take care