[Lost71]

I'm seeing a family member tomorrow that I've only seen twice in 16 years or so. We're trying to rebuild a relationship but ...so far, I've kept my emotional distance, being aware that we are both strangers to each other. But I'm worried that I may be coming across as cold. At the same time, worried more may be expected of me, my being the elder one! Any advice about what I should be doing here would be greatly appreciated.

Peace,
Julia
xox

[Pomegranate]

Without knowing the background or relationship between the two of you it's hard to say. But speaking in general I would say to be authentic and trust your instincts. It's always better to go a bit slower in relationships you are feeling unsure about, imo. If the relationship is mutual and genuine it will develop that way naturally. Let it be what it is.

[Lost71]

It's an estranged child. My estranged child. Wanna let him know that I do and always have cared but don't feel I have the right to after all these years. But also don't want him to think I don't give a damn after all. Tough call for me finding the balance line. nvm.

Thanks for advice anyways, Pomegranate!

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by Lost71

It's an estranged child. My estranged child. Wanna let him know that I do and always have cared but don't feel I have the right to after all these years. But also don't want him to think I don't give a damn after all. Tough call for me finding the balance line. nvm.

Thanks for advice anyways, Pomegranate!

That's a real tough one. Probably let him take the lead. Go in with a general sense of acceptance and interest in his life but let him initiate anything that even might indicate an interest in continuing the relationship. Be honest about your feelings but put no expectations on the results of the meeting.

This may seem unrelated, but in the relationship between my husband and my son (step-father and step-son) I often had to remind my husband who the adult was. My husband would always express child-like feelings about the competition between the two.

My point is, you are the adult. Expect him to have feelings appropriate to his age. You may end up pleasingly surprised. But you may end up disappointed. Just go with an open mind. The conversation may stay casual. It may not be time for deep feelings yet. I would answer questions only if he asks.

My thoughts and blessings are with you.

[jerrymichele]

Personally I think that it's really good that your going.Your situation would really be hard. The past is the past. New beginnings make happier endings. I do hope that everything will work out for you.

[Lost71]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

That's a real tough one. Probably let him take the lead. Go in with a general sense of acceptance and interest in his life but let him initiate anything that even might indicate an interest in continuing the relationship. Be honest about your feelings but put no expectations on the results of the meeting.

This may seem unrelated, but in the relationship between my husband and my son (step-father and step-son) I often had to remind my husband who the adult was. My husband would always express child-like feelings about the competition between the two.

My point is, you are the adult. Expect him to have feelings appropriate to his age. You may end up pleasingly surprised. But you may end up disappointed. Just go with an open mind. The conversation may stay casual. It may not be time for deep feelings yet. I would answer questions only if he asks.

My thoughts and blessings are with you.

Hi Vickie!

I met with him today, supposed to be just for lunch but we spent a few hours and are meeting again tomorrow. I've been letting him take the lead from the start but have just been worried that may be coming across as cold, so we spoke about it and he doesn't feel like I am being. I told him he can ask me anything he wants, about anything he wants...like where have I been all these years...but he says the past is the past and I'm here now...and do I want my decorating doing as I'm crap at that kind of thing. Lol @ the cheeky monkey!

Thanks a lot for your input though, it helps!

Peace,
Julia
xox

[Lost71]

Originally Posted by jerrymichele

Personally I think that it's really good that your going.Your situation would really be hard. The past is the past. New beginnings make happier endings. I do hope that everything will work out for you.

Thanks jerrymichele

It turns out I had no need to worry, he is very sensible and mature for his age. Very caring too and just glad to be back in touch.

Peace,
Julia
xox

[Pomegranate]

Julia! I'm happy to hear how well things are going between the two of you. Thank you for sharing that. You are very lucky! I hope some day my daughter will decide to have contact with me again.

[Lost71]

((((((((Pomegranate)))))))) hugs for you, friend...and wishes for you and your daughter too...

[VickiesPath]

(((((((((((((((Pomegranate)))))))))))))))

Here's to what might lie ahead for you and your daughter with prayerful hoping.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by Lost71

Hi Vickie!

I met with him today, supposed to be just for lunch but we spent a few hours and are meeting again tomorrow. I've been letting him take the lead from the start but have just been worried that may be coming across as cold, so we spoke about it and he doesn't feel like I am being. I told him he can ask me anything he wants, about anything he wants...like where have I been all these years...but he says the past is the past and I'm here now...and do I want my decorating doing as I'm crap at that kind of thing. Lol @ the cheeky monkey!

Thanks a lot for your input though, it helps!

Peace,
Julia
xox

(((((((((((((((Julia))))))))))))))))

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!