[Jess Petty]

well, my roommate and i have been living together for a little over a year now. i have known her since 3rd grade in elementary school. she's short
(like about 5'4 to 5'6). ive been getting really mixed signals from her pretty
much as long as ive known her. she's pretty much my only chick friend and
she is totally my best friend. she's a virgin and has never had a boyfriend.
but every time i have a girlfriend she acts in an antagonizing way towards
them. she's really smart, and i guess most of the girls i date are not quite
as intelligent as she is. but anytime she has ever talked to any of the chicks
ive dated it has been the most condescending show of conversation i have
ever witnessed.

i brought it up a few times back in highschool and it has always been
something to the affect of "you're too good for her" or "im sorry, she
just makes it so easy". my room mate is a very pretty girl, she's not
exactly the type ive been known to go for because im a good bit taller
than she is. but she is still really attractive. ive known guys that have
tried to pursue her but she comes off as "way too abrasive dude.."
i can honestly say that she is the only girl that i have ever loved. i don't
bean it in a "romantic" kind of way. (atleast i don't think.) but every night
before she goes to sleep she comes to my room to say "im going to bed,
love you." and i can honestly say she is the only girl i have ever said it
back to.

she got drunk at my friends new years party last december and she
basically orally attacked me. i was drunk too so when she stopped
i laughed a little bit and asked if she was ok. she got super embarrassed
(this chick is confident as hell, and as far as i can tell never really gets
embarrassed.) and started visibly blushing right before yelling "oh my
god!" and fleeing the room.

we've talked about it a quite a lot since then (according to her it was
her first kiss?) but she insist that it wouldn't work between us because
she's "not my type" or "you could do better than me." but to this day
she antagonizes chicks i bring home with the whole "you could do better"
********. i don't know what to do. and her holding me to this standard
is really stressful. no chick she meets is good enough. but even her,
my beautiful, smart, funny, confident best friend who i actually care
about is not good enough? i really don't know what she want's from me.

any advice?

[bebop]

oh my! hon I think you are reading her all wrong. first she isn't short lol. she is pretty average or just above. thought I would let you know on that one lol I am only 5ft tall lol. anyway back to the point I want to make here. she has you on a huge pedestal. She lacks confidence in herself. (hence her comments on even her not being good enough). to me it sounds like you both are in love with each other but maybe afraid to address it. maybe fear it would screw up the friendship. maybe ask her out on a real date. being drunk let's down all inhabitions and with her kissing you like that shows how much she really cares. if you too are as interested in her as you seem to be I say take it to the next step. test the waters. let her know you do think she is good enough. good luck.

[VickiesPath]

I agree with bebop. You two are in love with each other. The things you say about her (besides the quotes you each say "about" each other) are very flattering and respectful, except for the part about putting down the girls you date. She is meaning you could do better. She doesn't need to go so far as to make them look stupid. If you two could get to the point of looking at each other and really SEEING the other person for who you are today and not that person back in the 3rd grade, it might be amazing what you see. I am 5'6.5" and am considered slightly above average height. With heels, I tower. Do try going on a date. At least try it. No sex. That would be too preliminary. See if you can have an adult relationship instead of a brother/sister relationship.

I'll share a secret with you. I used to get sarcastic around guys. It was because I was smart. I thought they were stupid most of the time. Then I got more self-confidence and didn't need to do that anymore.

[thunderbear]

I agree with both of the other posters. Espcailly the "she's not short" thing. lol I'm 5'2 5'6 towers over me (at least it feels that way) You speak about her in a very flattering way. I think she might be unconsciously jealous of your girlfriends. Mabye you two ought to go on a date. And like Viki said no sex. Just a date. See how it goes. That way if it does'nt go right you won't have the awkwardness around eachother. I think you and her would get along fine. So don't be too hard on the girl for saying those things about your g/fs Good luck with all of it

[Nypheria]

1 - She is trying to tell you, the girls you have been getting with are knuckle-heads (and she is probably right.) Stop looking at a womens body, in 20 years its going to look like crap anyways, and all that will be left is the mind.

2 - She likes you. Its plain as day, but she is too shy to mention it and any mention of it makes her go defensive.

3 - If you make a move on her - No sex, respect her position on sex and for Christ sakes, be respectful.

Who cares if she was 3,4 or 9,5. She is still going to be the same person no matter what the hell she looks like or how tall she is.

Sorry for being abrasive, but I find being straight forward is the best thing for these situations. (And if you do confront her, suggest a NICE date.) Stop going out with those knuckle-butts and get with someone who is real. (Her!)

And flowers, get her some nice flowers.

if there is one thing that is clear it is that she isn't short. i'm 5'3"-that's kinda short but anything over 5'4"-no way. anyway, i don't think she really is confident at least when it comes to you. putting others down and saying she's not good enough for you leads me to think that. she probably just comes off as confident externally in life but really isn't inside. i know a number of people like that. regardless, she's probably in love with you and you sound super fond of her at the least. if you're going to date other women then it would be good to move out and find another place so you're not torturing her and you (and your dates) aren't getting her grief. but why not give it a shot with her and see where it goes? if you don't ever try to see if you could have a relationship with her then it could end up being a huge regret later in life. definitely give her flowers if you ask her out. she'll love it.

[jerrymichele]

Ask her out on a nice date. MOST WOMEN are shorter than their bf's, husbands etc. lol, Do you bring those other girls over there to make your friend jealous? It seems to me that you like the response from her. You like her too, or you wouldn't have kissed her back, and I might add that you are worried about her feelings. So, go ask her out.

[Jess Petty]

nah, i don't bring chicks around to make her jealous. we're best friends and we
happen to live together. and for the longest time i just thought "well jeeze,
if none of my other friends are rude to these chicks then why does she have
to be?"

idk, im just going to pay closer attention. i don't want to rush into anything.
this is my best friend we are talking about here.

[jerrymichele]

Yes, do pay closer attention to your best friend, after all her heart is with you. I bet if you bring her home a rose her heart will just melt.
Keep us posted, so we know how you are.

Originally Posted by Jess Petty

idk, im just going to pay closer attention. i don't want to rush into anything.
this is my best friend we are talking about here.

lol, you've known each other since 3rd grade. how much longer are you going to wait? i doubt she's going to admit her feelings to you and will probably continue sending you mixed signals because she's afraid of being hurt. how do you feel about her? do you want a relationship with her? i think she's been waiting for you to pursue her for a very long time. why do you think she's never even been kissed by anyone else? she's hung up on you but she's too scared to come out and admit she likes you because she thinks you don't like her in that way. why do you think she kissed you and then was so mortified? if it hadn't meant anything she would not have been so incredibly embarrassed.

i was in a situation just like this when i was in college. it was torture and i wish i'd just taken the chance and pursued the guy. i knew he had never made the first move with a girl but always waited for them to do it. we were both too scared so it never happened even though it turned out we both liked each other.

if you really want a relationship with her then tell her or start pursuing her. if you aren't serious though then move on and let her find someone else. how have your previous girlfriends reacted to you rooming with and/or being so close to her? i'm sure it's pretty obvious to them she likes you and have told you so. why else would she act so obnoxiously around them? she's totally jealous.

life is about taking risks. i missed out and learned a hard lesson. carpe diem.

[Jess Petty]

"Yes, do pay closer attention to your best friend, after all her heart is with you. I bet if you bring her home a rose her heart will just melt.
Keep us posted, so we know how you are."

lol even if it it her "heart melts" she will quickly recover and call me a
a girl. and probably punch me. playfully, but still..."punched".

[John25]

"idk, im just going to pay closer attention. i don't want to rush into anything."

You have known her already since 3rd grade and you think that paying closer attention will solve anything? It sounds to me like you are both waiting for each other to take a next step. What kind of "torture" is that?

[AdamAW]

Originally Posted by John25

"idk, im just going to pay closer attention. i don't want to rush into anything."

You have known her already since 3rd grade and you think that paying closer attention will solve anything? It sounds to me like you are both waiting for each other to take a next step. What kind of "torture" is that?

I'm tempted to agree with this - it sounds about right.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by John25

"idk, im just going to pay closer attention. i don't want to rush into anything."

You have known her already since 3rd grade and you think that paying closer attention will solve anything? It sounds to me like you are both waiting for each other to take a next step. What kind of "torture" is that?

Aww, this is so true. Two young people in love, and both are toooo shy to say that they want a relationship with each other. You should let us talk to her. Or, is that out of the question?

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by Jess Petty

"Yes, do pay closer attention to your best friend, after all her heart is with you. I bet if you bring her home a rose her heart will just melt.
Keep us posted, so we know how you are."

lol even if it it her "heart melts" she will quickly recover and call me a
a girl. and probably punch me. playfully, but still..."punched".

You can always write her a note, and tell her how you feel.

[Jess Petty]

well i asked her to see parinormal activity with me tomorrow. i don't know if she thinks
it's as a date or if she thinks it's two friends going to see a movie though.

[Jess Petty]

yea, i really don't see myself inviting her here. she'll think it's weird that i came online
and asked for advice instead or just talking to her.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by Jess Petty

well i asked her to see parinormal activity with me tomorrow. i don't know if she thinks
it's as a date or if she thinks it's two friends going to see a movie though.

That is really good. If you are shy about all of this, what you can do is, open all doors for her. Take her out to eat after the movie. Smile at her, and maybe in the movie, try holding her hand. Before the movie, ask her if she would like something to drink, and maybe some popcorn. Popcorn is good, because you can share it. Let us know how the date goes.

this is great! let us know how it goes.

[babydoll233]

Just talk to eachother, life is too short, she may be the one! and yes, flowers.....

[Jess Petty]

it actually went pretty well.
not at first though. i got her flowers. witch she made fun of.
then i opened the car door for her. witch she made fun of. i then got irritated at her.
and when she asked my why i told her she was pissing me off because im trying to
make this a good date. then (like the idea that it might be a date had never crossed
her mind.) she got really flustered and awkward. witch was cute. and the rest of the
date went fine. even made out some during the movie (****ing boring movie) then we
went into the lobby to eat and make observations about the people that walked by.

all in all, a good date.

[John25]

That's great! It sounds like you both had a good time.
Very good that you made the effort!

glad to hear it went so well! you really stepped up and put yourself out there. i think the fact that you guys are able to talk about things so openly will really help as you figure out your relationship. are you going to tell her you came on here to try to find out what in the heck she was thinking? i bet she'd think it's a riot and totally give you a hard time about it.

let us know if you need any other help.