[salukigirl]

Hey guys, I know I have posted a thread before about my grandma and how she has Alzheimers. Well I'm finally gathering up the strength to go see her tomorrow. I just talked to my dad and he said he couldn't even communicate with her the last time he saw her but I feel like I need to go see her. I asked him to go with me that way I wouldn't be so hysterical.

The last time I saw her she thought I was my cousin and my boyfriend was my cousin's husband. She was talking about college friends and when I asked her what year she thought it was she said 1956. Then she realized that she didn't know where she was or any of the people around and got very frustrated with herself and it hurt to see her like that.

My niece told me that when she saw her last time she thought she was me. I guess her memory just stopped about 8-10 years ago so she thinks my 14 year old niece is me and that I'm my cousin because the last time she remembers her was when she was in her early 20s.

I just don't know how I'm going to handle it. Every time I see her she just says that she wishes God would take her now and how she doesn't want to live anymore. So it's not like I WANT her to pass but she seems so unhappy and so miserable. She knows that what she remembers isn't right but just goes along with it because she doesn't have the REAL memories. She will point to paintings on the wall and tell you how that's her house in Florida (which she sold after my grandpa died in 2001). She also thinks that my grandpa just died within the last few months and he has been dead almost 8 years.

I guess I'm not really looking for advice, just moral support. It really helps knowing that people on here have dealt with this before and have gotten through it. The hardest part is that I grew up next door to my grandparents and saw them everyday after school for basically the first 12-13 years of my life. They were always a huge part of my life. So it hurts extremely bad when she doesn't even know who I am. I guess I'm just hoping that tomorrow might go better than I expect. Thanks in advance for your kind words (since I know that everyone here is extremely supportive). I'm glad I can count on everyone here to be here for me during this hard time.

[jerrymichele]

[lily56]

It is so hard dealing with people with Alzheimer's. My dad has it and so far isn't too far gone but today I had to remind him his wife (my mom) was dead. He won't remember but he asked so I answered.
When I visit him I just go with the flow of his conversation, I find it too stressful to correct him and he won't recall later on and may not even realize I've been there.
Just go, see your Grandma. It's hard..... there are no good answers. Praying peace for you and the visit.

[Dwayne61]

My dad has Alzheimer's, too. I'll be thinking of you.

(((((((((((salukigirl))))))))))

i'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. my grandfather had parkinson's and we believe alzheimer's as well. let us know how your visit went. i've also heard it's best to just go with the flow of their conversation rather than trying to correct them. my mom was able to laugh about some of the things her dad used to say. one time referring to my grandmother, whom he was married to for over 50 years, he said: i don't know who that lady in the kitchen is but she sure can cook! lol

[salukigirl]

Thanks everyone for all your support. I did go and see her today and she said she didn't know who I was. She tried sounding interested about me graduating in May but she kept staring off into space. She looked really miserable but it was good to be able to hug her and tell her I love her, even if she doesn't know it's me. I had my crying session afterwards but feel much better now. At least she seemed happy that someone wanted to see her. I'm just glad I got to say I love you. Her health has been so back and forth over the last few years I am always afraid she will pass without me getting to say it to her so I'm glad I at least got to see her.

Thanks again to everyone. Feels really good knowing that you all are here for me.

[lynn P.]

I'm glad you got to see your Grandmother. Alzheimers is very hard on families because we so desperately want them to remember us. I remember when I was 28 my mother(now passed )had a severe stroke - she went from being a strong mother to being in a wheelchair wearing diapers and not being able to feed herself. Even though I was grateful she was alive, I mourned the loss of how she was before.
Just remember that this is the desease that's ravaged her brain. Try to accept her for who she is now. It's wonderful that you told her how you feel. I hope where she is they know how to help people with alzheiemers. Maybe you can do something nice like brush her hair or massage some cream on her hands. Thanks for sharing.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

Thanks everyone for all your support. I did go and see her today and she said she didn't know who I was. She tried sounding interested about me graduating in May but she kept staring off into space. She looked really miserable but it was good to be able to hug her and tell her I love her, even if she doesn't know it's me. I had my crying session afterwards but feel much better now. At least she seemed happy that someone wanted to see her. I'm just glad I got to say I love you. Her health has been so back and forth over the last few years I am always afraid she will pass without me getting to say it to her so I'm glad I at least got to see her.

Thanks again to everyone. Feels really good knowing that you all are here for me.

I think you were very brave and courageous to go see your grandmother while not knowing what to expect before you got there. You were able to do something kind for yourself by honoring your memories of her and what she means to you and you also pleased her by going to visit her. If you hadn't gone, you would probably always regret never getting to tell her you love her. What a wonderful thing you did.

[salukigirl]

Thanks everyone. I do feel a lot better having told her I love her. But then I feel bad because I feel like I did it for the wrong reasons? I feel selfish that most of the reason I went was to be able to tell her I love her that way I wouldn't feel bad anymore. Is that wrong?

[Seabirdanne]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

Thanks everyone. I do feel a lot better having told her I love her. But then I feel bad because I feel like I did it for the wrong reasons? I feel selfish that most of the reason I went was to be able to tell her I love her that way I wouldn't feel bad anymore. Is that wrong?

Your grandma loves you, salukigirl. The essential grandma you remember loves you! Quit hounding yourself about selfishness. This thread proves that you love her. Tell her so, whether she can hear you or not. I still tell my grandmas that I love them sometimes, and one has been gone five years, and the other has been gone for thirty-five. Never stop telling people you love them. And thank you for this thread.

[AAAAA]

The reason you told her you loved her really doesn’t matter. You do love her, you told her so and you both felt better at that moment, the rest is isn’t important.