[tryingtobeme]

I'm not sure if this goes here or not, it involves my church and some issues that come up. So here it goes...

I joined this church 2 years ago, got involved with the hospitality part (basically anything that involves food for the church memebers or any functions classify under hospitalty). Any ways, the pastor asked me to be the Hospitality Director. I graciously accepted and love doing it. The pastor feels that I have done a wonderful job too. Just this morning he sent me an e-mails letting me know how much he appreciates me for the work that I do for the church. Of course, this is all on my free time, non-paid and I am completly fine with that.

This past Sunday, I could not be there due to another function after church that I had to plan and I have a 9 month son that has to come with me also. Anyone with children around this age knows about separtation anxiety babies go thru plus the teething phases. The pastor does not have a problem with it, because I am very good at balancing my son and church duties.

Any ways, so I had another person to take over setting up our morning food. She over slept on Sunday, no biggy it happens. So needless to say someone else took over and got everything ready.

I had several complaints about the way the cafe was set up, coffee being burned, too hot, things not being cleaned up properly and so on. So today I sent and e-mail just letting them know the issues that came up on Sunday. I even said that I was not upset, just letting them know for the future should they need to fill in again.

The one person that overslept does this every weekend with me. The person that stepped in and got things ready has been stepping on my toes ever since I started the hospitality area. She always second guesses me, tells me things are not right when the plan that was created was done by me and the pastor. The pastor feels that I have taken that area such as long way and he knows things get done with me in charge.

So basically the e-mail that I sent out she comes back with this long e-mail about how things get done differently when I'm not there because she wan'ts it done differently. What a crock, the plans were set up so things were still in order and doesn't gets chaoitc.

I just don't know what to do. I have major trust issues with her now, and also I guess I feel that I am not good enough. Her e-mail that she sent to me and this other person really hurt me. Then she sent me another one personally saying that she had to do that because I wasn't clear about anything. The person that overslept, understood everything that I was saying. What the heck...she doesn't know anything about the food in the mornings. She was just winging it. Which is fine considering the issues that day, but she has no right to say that I can't address the issue.

Maybe I shouldn't worry, but I am hoping that someone here can understand why this bothers me. Most people understand that mental illness can make other things seem much worse and I think that is the case with me now...but don't I have a right to have feelings and be hurt by this???

Maybe this isn't making sense??? Maybe I should just leave the church???

[bebop]

I don't think you should leave the church or your job there. What I think you should do though is have a backup person that you can trust to be there on time and to do things the way you and the pastor have it set up and leave this other woman out of it. I have found and am finding there is always at least one in any situation that wants to make waves. sounds like you have found the one that is like that. hang in there hon.

[VickiesPath]

{{{{{{{{{{{Trying}}}}}}}}}}}

Aahhh Church life. What a wonderful subculture.

Don't leave your church simply because there has arisen a little political posturing. If you make a habit of it, you'll be changing churches every six months!

My husband is the only male member of the only male headed alter guild in the state of Arizona. When I tell people that, they screw up their faces and go, What? In our church, the alter guild head not only takes care of the alter, but he trains the alcolytes and tends to every single changing item in the sanctuary. My husband loves helping him. The ladies don't like it.

Unfortunately, well-meaning people, kind people somehow turn into raving lunatics when it comes to the church body that they support with their precious dollars. A lot of them feel that it gives them the right to run things discourteously. I've seen it in every church I've attended.

What I would suggest is talk to your pastor. They are pretty good with politics. Ask his advice. He will probably have some suggestions for you, including how to establish plan B, plan C, etc. Yes, by all means you have the right to feel hurt. And if you feel in the end that it is putting too much pressure on you, by all means ask the pastor to find another Hospitality Director. There is no sense in leaving the church you love. You don't have to.

[KathyM]

I don't attend church, but I respect your dedication to volunteering. If you like it there, stand your ground - but don't put up your fists.

I always thought church was supposed to be like a community within a community. What you described sounds more like your average commercial buffet open for critique. Aren't you all supposed to "love" each other? Wouldn't it have been nice if people would have cherished their time together over burnt coffee and messy surroundings? Wouldn't it have been nice if you later heard how much you were missed? Wouldn't it have been funny if they told you some had to take up a collection for sneak out the back door for a Starbucks run - or if they all showed up next week with broom in hand?

I don't blame you for being upset.

[paddym22]

Trying I really admire your volunteering like this, it shows thorough dedication. I can understand exactly how you feel after all the hard work you put into it. I can see as well that you are a good person and tolerant. Dont let this woman as Bebop says make waves. Talk to the Pastor I am sure he would want to solve this situation straight away. It is not everyday a good volunteer walks in the door where ever, church, synagogue, mosque.

Dont lose sleep over this and dont end up wasting your time resenting this other person, you are too good a person to have to deal with that emotion.

Speak to the Pastor.

[dreamsofflight]

I'm sorry this woman treated/treats you this way. I'm not going to say don't take it personally (ok I am lol), but since I would feel the same way I wouldn't be following my own advice. I think this would bother even those w/o "mental issues".
This really isn't about you as much as it seems like it is. This woman appears to be very controlling. She would probably treat anyone with your job the same way. Some people just seem to live for drama or to be able to show others up. I've been in close relationships with toxic ppl and nothing seems to make them happy. Except they are happy in a sick way when ppl supposedly disrespect them so they can stay bitter and angry at the "human race".
Don't leave your church b/c of this woman/situation. I agree talk to your pastor. Also, she may really not like you just as an added bonus lol. Unfortunately not everyone likes us. Why? Who knows, but doesn't make you any less amazingly lovable.

PS I can't help, but think of WWJD? I just don't think he'd lambast you for your not having the coffee ready.

[robin620]

I "worked" for the church for 3 years full time and part time long before that and found it to be like most organizations. There are people who want to be in control but not in charge. They want to tell people what to do but not take responsibility when things (their ideas) don't work out. Many times the person who complains the most about how things are done is the last person you want in charge. There are people like that everywhere and they really do annoy me. I try to remember that God made mosquitoes, too.

It's easier to say than to do, but don't let her discourage you. She is working through things also, things she may never tell anyone. This may be her way of venting frustrations she has with herself.

You did what you could, planned the best you could and followed up with evaluative feedback. One of the hardest things in life is the fact that not everyone thinks like us. Variety is the spice of life, but sometimes life gets too spicy.

Personnaly I would tell the pastor and let him deal with it, he may be aware of things that you are not ie things in her personnal life ?

[possum220]

I agree with Tishie. Take the emails to the pastor and let him know what is happening. Time to nip things in the bud. Who was it that said 'Divide and Conquer'??