[leejones]

I am currently being treated for depression and basically am bored out of my mind with pretty much all aspects of my life. I am trying not to ruin the relationship with my wife of 16 years, but sometimes it is tough. Sometimes I just want to get in my car and start driving and never come back.....but, of course, tomorrow or even later today Imay feel totally different.

Depression really sucks.....

[billieJ]

Dear Lee ~ Chances are that you WILL feel different. And you don't want that to be after you have driven off, never to return. Take it from one who drove off, never to return. 35 years later, my favorite dreams are of reconciliation with my husband, who has remarried and move on. You don't want that. fondly ~ billieJ

[blubbery]

I so totally know this feeling.... Driving off and not coming back.. Did it once at end of 1 st marriage. Was the only way I knew to get away from the creepo I was with. Worked. Now I am,16 years later in a relationship, thinking of same thing, but for way more issues then the first time around...
And there is so much more at stake this time then last. Ugh.

[leejones]

Originally Posted by blubbery

I so totally know this feeling.... Driving off and not coming back.. Did it once at end of 1 st marriage. Was the only way I knew to get away from the creepo I was with. Worked. Now I am,16 years later in a relationship, thinking of same thing, but for way more issues then the first time around...
And there is so much more at stake this time then last. Ugh.

would you care to share what is happening?

[leejones]

My depression has been really bad the past few days....comes in waves rushing over me.....feels like I don't know what to do with myself....I do abdominal breathing and prayer to try and control it....

Any advice out there?

Thanks....

[VickiesPath]

I won't tell you how many marriages I sought the "geographical solution" for. I will tell you that it never works. You eventually end up with the same problem, at a different location. The best, but the hardest, solution is to try to resolve the problem and learn from it. It is often the most painful, too. I know. I know. Believe me, I know. But in the long run, it's the truth.

[leejones]

[quote=Vickie in Phoenix;1152042] I won't tell you how many marriages I sought the "geographical solution" for. I will tell you that it never works. You eventually end up with the same problem, at a different location. The best, but the hardest, solution is to try to resolve the problem and learn from it. It is often the most painful, too. I know. I know. Believe me, I know. But in the long run, it's the truth.




Thank you, Vickie....the problem is that I don't know if my depression is causing my feelings or if my feelings are causing the depression.....I sure don't want to ruin something only to find out I wasn't thinking clearly at the time.....am I making sense?

[VickiesPath]

[quote=leejones;1152070]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

I won't tell you how many marriages I sought the "geographical solution" for. I will tell you that it never works. You eventually end up with the same problem, at a different location. The best, but the hardest, solution is to try to resolve the problem and learn from it. It is often the most painful, too. I know. I know. Believe me, I know. But in the long run, it's the truth.




Thank you, Vickie....the problem is that I don't know if my depression is causing my feelings or if my feelings are causing the depression.....I sure don't want to ruin something only to find out I wasn't thinking clearly at the time.....am I making sense?

You are making absolute sense. Waiting may be just the thing right now.

[leejones]

[quote=Vickie in Phoenix;1152116]

Originally Posted by leejones

You are making absolute sense. Waiting may be just the thing right now.

I feel BORED to death.....

[lynn P.]

Hi Lee,
I don't know if you're depressed because you have marriage problems or your depression is making your marriage troubled. I agree with the other posters - running away isn't the solution and will make you feel worse. The only time a person should run away, is in cases where they're being abused and it's unsafe to be there.
I am in a very difficult marriage situation for 3 and a half yrs now. When I 1st knew of the problem, I was so distraught that I almost took my 2 girls to a womens shelter. I felt I was being tormented mentallly. I'm glad I waited because this would have traumatized my daughters and put them in a poverty living situation. So my advice to you is NEVER make rash decisions when you're upset because you most certainly will regret it later.

Are you seeking treatment - on meds and getting therapy? You need to realize that meds and therapy can only help you to a certain degree. The other help needs to come straight from you. There are many things you can do on your own to make a difference in your mood. The first one is eating healthy - also take a vitamin D supplement and an Omega3 supplement or eat fish like salmon once a week. It's now known that most people are difficient in vitamin D and it plays a role in fighting depression and cancer. The next step you must take is to start exercising regularly. I know it's difficult to feel motivation but you have to DRAG yourself and get moving. Sometime during the day you need to go for a 40 min power walk preferably when it's sunny. Experts know that exercising is one of the best things you can do for depression - it actually builds new neuro-transmitters in the brain - isn't that amazing? Maybe you can convince your wife to go with you and you can both talk. This leads to the next tip which is improving communication with your wife. See how she's feeling - sometimes partners become scared when their loved ones have mental illness, so they withdraw. You both need to connect and understand each other.
Please don't run away - this won't solve your problem. I think you're overwhelmed and fearful so you think running will give you relief. It's much better to work through your situation. Don't let depression win - you need to be pro-active and fight against the depression. Best of luck.

[leejones]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Hi Lee,
I don't know if you're depressed because you have marriage problems or your depression is making your marriage troubled. I agree with the other posters - running away isn't the solution and will make you feel worse. The only time a person should run away, is in cases where they're being abused and it's unsafe to be there.
I am in a very difficult marriage situation for 3 and a half yrs now. When I 1st knew of the problem, I was so distraught that I almost took my 2 girls to a womens shelter. I felt I was being tormented mentallly. I'm glad I waited because this would have traumatized my daughters and put them in a poverty living situation. So my advice to you is NEVER make rash decisions when you're upset because you most certainly will regret it later.

Are you seeking treatment - on meds and getting therapy? You need to realize that meds and therapy can only help you to a certain degree. The other help needs to come straight from you. There are many things you can do on your own to make a difference in your mood. The first one is eating healthy - also take a vitamin D supplement and an Omega3 supplement or eat fish like salmon once a week. It's now known that most people are difficient in vitamin D and it plays a role in fighting depression and cancer. The next step you must take is to start exercising regularly. I know it's difficult to feel motivation but you have to DRAG yourself and get moving. Sometime during the day you need to go for a 40 min power walk preferably when it's sunny. Experts know that exercising is one of the best things you can do for depression - it actually builds new neuro-transmitters in the brain - isn't that amazing? Maybe you can convince your wife to go with you and you can both talk. This leads to the next tip which is improving communication with your wife. See how she's feeling - sometimes partners become scared when their loved ones have mental illness, so they withdraw. You both need to connect and understand each other.
Please don't run away - this won't solve your problem. I think you're overwhelmed and fearful so you think running will give you relief. It's much better to work through your situation. Don't let depression win - you need to be pro-active and fight against the depression. Best of luck.

"I don't know if you're depressed because you have marriage problems or your depression is making your marriage troubled. "

The above quote from you is exactly how I feel.

I am taking Omega 3 and Vitamin D supplements and I try to either walk on my treadmill or do yoga several times a week. Sometimes it is tough to do as I'd rather just stare at the TV. Sometimes I am just too tired.....

I am on remeron and have been going to therapy on and off since March.

More in a few minutes....

Thanks so much for your help...

[lynn P.]

Thanks for the reply. If you don't know the answer to that question, then it's best to wait until you feel better. Sometimes a person can be so depessed that even if everythings perfect it still doesn't help. Another thing that helps is realizing that things COULD be worse - which brings up the topic of being grateful for what you do have. Even though there are crappy circumstances in my life I still have things to be grateful for. How does your wife feel - sometimes when people are depressed it causes them to only think about themselves. Try to keep the communication lines open. I hope this helps

[leejones]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Thanks for the reply. If you don't know the answer to that question, then it's best to wait until you feel better. Sometimes a person can be so depessed that even if everythings perfect it still doesn't help. Another thing that helps is realizing that things COULD be worse - which brings up the topic of being grateful for what you do have. Even though there are crappy circumstances in my life I still have things to be grateful for. How does your wife feel - sometimes when people are depressed it causes them to only think about themselves. Try to keep the communication lines open. I hope this helps

My wife has been very supportive through this...she even asked me to tell her if living with her was causing me to be depressed...I told her that right now nothing was making me happy.....she continues to tell me she loves me and shows me that as well....she has put up with a LOT over the past year or so...it has been tough on her as well...

[lynn P.]

That's wonderful you have a supportive wife - imagine how bad you would feel to be going through this alone. I think you should feel grateful to have a supportive wife. Keep taking care of yourself - do you feel these meds sre working for you? Consult with your doctor regularly and be vigilant with the self help techniques. it's great you're doing yoga - good for the mind and stretching muscles. But do some vigorous cardio(preferrably fast walking). The areobic exercise is what gives you emotional perk.

So now you know that you shouldn't RUN away to solve your problem - stay put and take care of yourself. Hang on tight to your lovely wife - you're actually a lucky man. Best of luck to you Lee.

[leejones]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

That's wonderful you have a supportive wife - imagine how bad you would feel to be going through this alone. I think you should feel grateful to have a supportive wife. Keep taking care of yourself - do you feel these meds sre working for you? Consult with your doctor regularly and be vigilant with the self help techniques. it's great you're doing yoga - good for the mind and stretching muscles. But do some vigorous cardio(preferrably fast walking). The areobic exercise is what gives you emotional perk.

So now you know that you shouldn't RUN away to solve your problem - stay put and take care of yourself. Hang on tight to your lovely wife - you're actually a lucky man. Best of luck to you Lee.

I do walk on my treadmill when I have the energy....I usually do 30 -40 min and go at about a 2.8 mph pace.....

[lynn P.]

That's good but if you don't have any medical restrictions you should be walking faster - almost where you're running and breaking a sweat. Since the treadmill is boring I think going outside is better. Good luck.

[leejones]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

That's good but if you don't have any medical restrictions you should be walking faster - almost where you're running and breaking a sweat. Since the treadmill is boring I think going outside is better. Good luck.

I have had some back problems so running is not going to work right now....If I do 40 min at the pace I described I do break a sweat.....and I have a TV in front of the treadmill just like at a gym....