[maymie]

I'm so mad, hurt, sad, disappointed, etc. You name it and I'm feeling it at the moment.
I moved out of my mom's house due to the fact that she wasn't treating me right. For me she is a major trigger. No, I'm not saying she is the cause of it but she is a trigger. Well when I left she told me that she was going to cancel my phone plan, its in her name. She told me to take the car, the title is in my name but I was making payments to her and then she told me to stop. She said to take the car and not worry about it. So I took the car and was prepared to get my own cell plan. Then I get out of the house and living with a friend. She calls me about a week or two later and says I've decided not to cancel the phone plan so don't worry about it. Then she says don't worry about the car its taken care of. I hadn't seen her or any of my family in about a month. I came to my hometown Saturday nite to see everyone and decided to stay until monday...i was actually considering moving back.
Then this morning, Sunday comes and I slept longer than my mom wanted. She comes in my room telling me that she can't believe that I slept so long. Tells me that I'm lazy and a moocher. Tells me that she was going to take me to get some clothes and get a gps thing but not now. She said she didn't want to support me. I didn't ask for money. I didn't ask her to take me to get a gps thing. I didn't ask her to take me to get clothes. I didn't ask for anything. That was on her. I only took the car because she told me to. The car and phone were on her. She is the one that changed her mind. She is the one that was going to buy the clothes and gps. I didn't ask nor want that. She is the one not me. But some how I'm the lazy one. I'm the moocher. I didn't come see them for their freaking money or to get clothes or to get a gps. I came to see them. i came to visit and maybe work on moving back and getting my owh place. I'm upset. I'm hurt. It would be one thing if I asked for money, clothes, gps, food or anything else but I didn't. And now all of a sudden I'm a terrible person because my mom not me but my mom decided to do all of that.
Then about 2 hours after making me feel like the worst person ever she comes in the room and acts like everything is great, wonderful, peachy. Yes, I'm upset. Maybe I shouldn't be but I am. She stands here telling me how I'm a lazy worthless person and then expects everything to be okay.

[billieJ]

Dear Maymie,You know what? You may not be the only family member with "issues". I don't blame you for being angry. As far as sleeping late, my family doesn't understand that about me, either, just as they don't understand that mental illness is just as real as diabetes or tonsillitis. But your Mom seems to swing back and forth extremely quickly and to go to some extremes. I am NOT saying that this is her fault, because I don't really think it is. I think she needs to consult someone. She probably will not do so, however, and this may be her fault! Caring About You ~ billieJ

[maymie]

thanks for the reply. I'm just angry. I'm sick of the people's crap. I'm sick of her crap. I guess I just don't get her. I know that I'm messed up but so is she. I'm trying to get my life figured out. And might I add I don't get any help from her.

[jerrymichele]

I don't think that you should move back in with her. I don't even think that I would even want to visit for a while.That was really harsh for your mom to do that.

[maymie]

thanks for the replies. I appreciate it. Its just been hard thats all.

[VickiesPath]

I honestly can't believe I'm saying this because my mother did this and I don't condone it and I would never do it.

Having said all that, sometimes parents show terribly poor judgment and childish behavior when they are grasping at straws to try to control their children. She feels you slipping out of her grasp and it terrifies her. On the one hand, she knows you are essentially grown and out of her life. On the other, she is frustrated that you are grown and out of her life. It's a terrible time for her.

I would do whatever you can do to get out on your own. It's not going to be smooth sailing with your mom until you get some time and distance between you.

Do you have a friend you could room with for a little while to give you time to save some money? The sooner the better. Or see if you could strike a deal with mom. No criticism while you save up. Best of luck.

Oh. And maybe you could tell her that you don't really need that other stuff. Just a place to crash while you save money.

[NuckingFutz]

Hi maymie, read your post and read what your mom said and did to you. When she called you those names...that is called verbal and emotional abuse. No one deserves to to be treated like that. It only serves to be distructive in your quest to become independent. It could also harm your self esteem if you internalise her words and actually start believing her toxic words it can actually cause a slide backwards in your progress. Perhaps you can set up some boundries aroud her to keep yourself emotionally safe. If you are new to these concepts, what i suggested to you would probably take some time, a process in other words. You may want to do research to find out what verbal and emotional abuse is and the negativity it causes. As for learning about healthy boundries, you might want to get some counseling. If you cannot afford counseling, you may want to check out your local library, there are some really good books out there on verbal and emotional abuse and setting boundries. I am an adult survivor of abuse. I have been through this and learned. It has taken me a while to learn this stuff and apply it in my own life. I learned that for my own mental health to never be alone with just me and my mom because that was when the verbal and emotional abuse occured. This is not an accident. Had other people been there, she would not have said those things without making her the bad guy. i hope that what i have said helps. I wish you the best. Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.

[Shangrala]

Maymie~

Keep with your original plan. Stay away from living with her, as you've finally done for yourself a month ago.

You don't want to fall back into that trap. So don't allow that. I know that you've been struggling so hard to remove yourself from all of that, and now that you have, don't allow yourself to return to it.

Minimize yourself to the visits, as you're doing now. And try to recognize the patterns once in her company.

I know that she loves you, but she has her own issues she needs attending. It's so unfortunate that you seem to be her centerpoint for her frustrations.

Keep strong and try to remain focused on your own needs.

Shangrala