What do you guys think - Can this work?

I'm a 23 year old twixter in a serious, long distance relationship with a 25 year old twixter. Life is ambiguous as neither of us have concrete goals. & it's made more difficult given the fact that we're both unemployed college grads. Although our plans for the future aren't totally set in stone, we do have ideas on the kind of lives we want to live.
I live about an hour from NYC, & my #1 "starting" goal is to have an income that will allow me to move closer to the city & explore the music/art/history/people... & do some traveling on occasion, of course. I believe this is a reasonable goal & I would be very happy living like this. I want to work to live.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, has a #1 goal of being a rockstar. He wants to live to work. He figures he wants to see the world, & what better way to do it than through something he loves: his rock band. I urged him to figure out a secondary plan b in the meantime, which he's now determined is television. [Not necessarily being on TV, more like working for a news station.] But this more reasonable goal isn't not his priority, the rockstar thing is. The momentum he has in his career search reflects this. [Although if you ask me, TV won't necessarily be around in 40 years given the direction technology is moving, but who knows!]

I feel like our dreams clash. I want stability & culture. He wants to live a harder life so he can pursue music & fame. I feel like his rockstar dream is ill-fated and irresponsible. On the other hand, he likes my dream, but he would never be as passionate about it to the point that he'd want to live a similar life by himself. It makes me wonder if we're as much of a marriage-potential match as he thinks we are.

Do you guys believe we can have a fulfilling relationship when we don't want the same things in life & our values clearly lie in different places?

My understanding of it is that one of the most important things two people in a relationship can share are wanting the same things in life. What do you guys think?

It's further complicated by the fact that I gave him a high risk strain of HPV. Accidentally, of course. [No symptoms, not one. Paps came back clean for months. Even the most recent coloscopy was picture perfect.] But it makes me feel like I might as well give our relationship a shot since I really have no business dating around, & I have up to two years of waiting for it to go away on its own. That's kind of a terrible reason, but........Uhg.

I can see that you feel some obligation to him due to your belief that you gave him HPV. Apparently I'm not up to date on the time frames for HPV to "go away", and I did not realize that you could have the virus and still have clean paps and what not. In short, I don't know much about it. I see how you are feeling. I'm not saying that this is how you have to feel. Similar desires out of life do help a relationship. As you seem to know, there are a lot of rock band performer wannabe's out there, and not many turn into "stars". You'll have to have some type of mutual lifestyle in order to live together. Jobs are a necessity, too! Best of Luck ~ billieJ

You need to decide what you can and can't live with. The only way I have to show this is a personal example...

I have been told again and again I would make a great salesperson. (My mom is a teacher and my dad is a "sleazy car salesman" <- my mom's words, and they have been married for 39 years!). I am naturally outgoing, shy and quiet are not words that have ever been used to describe me. I am articulate and persuasive.

I can NOT deal with the uncertainty of commission. Even with a "base pay", I would get too anxious about the amount of commission I would need to make. I am in customer service, so my needs of being talkative and outgoing and social and helping people are met (WOW! THAT is a run on sentence!). But my pay is not based on any type of sales.

You need to decide what your own goals and thoughts on how you want to live are. If you are comfortable with the boyfriend's ideas, sure, go for it. But if you are not, as painful as it can be, it may only be a casual relationship. You need to be true to YOU first.

Hope that helped!

Two things come to mind. I hope I can focus long enough to write them down!!!

First, to answer your question, YES, each person has to identify what their values and goals are and they must share some common ones to have a successful marriage or partnership. The big ones or "deal breakers" are kids, religion, money, living arrangements, work, lifestyle...I think you get the picture. There are others that you can negotiate on, like if one person wants to do something like get an advanced educational degree or something. But anything that effects you both, you need to discuss and come to an agreement on ahead of time. Your differences that you described are pretty significant.

Your boyfriend wanting to be a rockstar is interesting. What billieJ says is true about wannabe's. I have a nephew who is an amazing guitar player and singer. He also writes songs. I'm a pretty good judge of talent. I know a singer and producer named Gary Morris. He has a talent production company in Nashville. Gary owed me a favor and I called his manager and arranged for my nephew to meet him in Nashville. He drove to Nashville and met with him. The very first thing he had him do was sing. He liked his singing. But then he told him to lose weight, to get rid of his cowboy hat, write some more songs, do a demo cd and then come back. Out the door he went. When my nephew came home, he said there were two guys on every corner in Nashville as good or better than he was, singing for anyone who would listen to them.

It's a brutal business. He'd have more of a chance if he'd learn to read, write and score guitar music and become a studio musician. The group Toto are all studio musicians.

Anyway, that's my two cents.

Yea, I guess I feel like our differences are too stark. I think we truly care for one another, have common interests, we're liberal, and we have personalities that work together, but.....Neither of us are willing to come to some agreement on lifestyle right now. He wants a few years to try and make this band work. I want to start a career and live like a snobby city-dweller. My dreams are his secondary dream, and I just refuse to come second at any time, as much as he says I'm number one. I guess it must remain casual, although if he ever comes around I may not still be standing there. Besides, it would be nice to have someone more intellectual. I guess we'll see what happens once I get past this HPV thing and where he ends up.

Thanks for the thoughts guy! :]