[YoMunchee]

I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago (I'm 25 now) and it still has a profound impact on my daily life. I'm not a good communicator to begin with, but I feel if others knew what I was going through, they'd understand me a lot better. I just don't know how to not come across being negative about life and sounding like the world is out to get me. When is it ok to tell others about my "downer" past? Thank you!

[billieJ]

Welcome, YoMunchee! You will find warm welcome and supportive friends, and well as information here. You pose an excellent question. The best place to start might be with a therapist or mental health clinic, if not a private psychiatrist. He/She might be guide you as to how to talk to friends and family. You will find better information than I can give you, as I have been wondering that same thing for many years. Once you are under treatment, have a diagnosis, and maybe have a case manager, things might be easier to explain. I know that when my family visits I have to struggle not to let them know that, actually, I stay in bed all day, most days. They have no idea why I would do that, unless I was "lazy." however, they semi-understand that I go to a mental health clinic and have a case manager and they kind of take that in stride. Your family is probably not as judgemental as mine, however. I don't think they could be! Hope I'm right. Caring About You, and wanting to Welcome You. billieJ

[theotterone]

Originally Posted by YoMunchee

I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago (I'm 25 now) and it still has a profound impact on my daily life. I'm not a good communicator to begin with, but I feel if others knew what I was going through, they'd understand me a lot better. I just don't know how to not come across being negative about life and sounding like the world is out to get me. When is it ok to tell others about my "downer" past? Thank you!

Welcome to PC!

Like you, I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 16 (I am 34 now). I also found I had anxiety disorder, both run like a dog race throughout both sides of my family.

There are many different issues when dealing with disclosure and mental illness. (The first one) For me personally, quiet and shy have never been words to describe me (ask anyone here! LOL) I have tried being upfront with people, which has not always worked out well. I have tried holding it back, which has also backfired. When I have gotten depressed or had a severe enough panic attack, I have had "friends" bolt. When I have been upfront, I have found people then EXPECT me to be depressed or anxious all the time. Something to remember, while you may "have" depression, it does NOT define you. When you are going through dark times, it is hard to think that possible. But take it from someone who has been there and made it through, IT'S TRUE! (Believe the impossible! )

The second issue any and all of us face is the societal stigma of any mental illness. Though so much has been discovered, and many of these issues have a biological cause, "people" tend to still believe if you work hard enough (we're lazy), think "happy" or "positive" thoughts (we are so negative!) or just "wish" ourselves better, we can! It makes me want to throttle people and ask them if they "wished" or thought "positive thoughts" about their bad eye sight, diabeties, cholestoral or heart conditioin (or any other physical ailment you can think of), would it make it better?!?!??

While my primary issue now is "Inattentive" ADHD (hence the chicken quote below), I have battled depression and anxiety most of my life (since puberty at 12 if not when I was diagnosed). (This is why I check these forums, for if I am having a bad day and need support or if my experiences can help someone) I have been in that extreme darkness and hoplessness and come out the other side. I was lucky in that when I was your age (literally!) I found my current pdoc. Working with him for the last 9 years and the relationship established has helped greatly. I have been able to be totally honest with him (I realize that is so hard, but so vital!) and he has made me a partner in my treatment. I felt I had "come out the other side" so to speak already, but when I brought up to him that our family therapist thought I was ADHD (my 9 year old daughter, Bug, had been diagnosed last spring, this was August) he went over the "symptoms" with me and we went over medication possibilities. He then gave me evaluations for my husband and I to fill out, and my husband returned them the next day. The day after that, we had an appointment with the FT. My doctor pulled me aside, told me I had scored "clinical" and gave me the first precription. I have seen him since and even signed a waver so I can communicate with him by email. With my ADHD somewhat under control (still working on that) my depression and anxiety has lessened greatly.

The reason I mention all this is to show you that there really is hope! But too, YOU need to decide what you are comfortable disclosing about yourself. My boss is greatly supportive, but has been gone the last 3 months. He hasn't been interacting with me on a daily basis so he has not been able to get used to the changes in me since I started treatment for my ADHD. He came back to this office to "Otter 2.0" and isn't aware of the upgrades and new features. Unfortunately, this has led him to treat me like I was before, kinda "mother hen" like, when really now I don't need that reassurance. But no matter what you decide, YOU are ok being YOU.

[justfloating]

Hi, YoMunchee, welcome to PC

I agree that you should only disclose what you're comfortable with, and only with the people you're most comfortable talking to. That being said, there are some people who would benefit from knowing about your depression (for example, I had to inform my academic departments when my depression started making me miss a lot of classes). Either way, whoever you're talking to and whatever your reasons, remember not to let them make you feel ashamed of your depression. That's the biggest thing, I think. Theotterone is right about the social stigmas behind mental illness. The general population just doesn't understand depression or mental health in general, and it can be really hard for them to wrap their heads around. Unless they've experienced mental health problems of their own, many people think depression is about "will power" or "positive thinking". But it's a real illness with real physical and psychological consequences and has to be treated as such. If someone refuses to accept your depression, or tells you that it doesn't really exist/is all about willpower/you're exaggerating, etc, then remember this: just because someone calls an apple an orange doesn't mean it's really an orange. You know it's an apple and that's all that matters.

I'm not sure where you are with your depression right now, whether you're in recovery/remission or whether you're still dealing with it quite a bit. I didn't tell the majority of the people who know (and even then, that's still only a handful of people) until after I was feeling better, partially out of shame while I was depressed (I have a feeling the depression was CAUSING me shame about that and other aspects of myself that I'm perfectly comfortable with). Now, I often say that I have been dealing with depression for the last few years but I'm feeling much better now. Adding a positive note to your explanation stops people from telling you you're being overly negative. If you're still feeling your depression to a great degree, try to think of something else that's positive. Maybe "I'm depressed but I'm in treatment" or "I have depression, but the good news is, it's highly treatable", something optimistic like that so you can't be accused of being a pessimist.

The other thing I would suggest is that you make sure you don't talk about it too much, in too much depth or detail, or too often, not right at the start. Give your friends and family time to process the news. If all you talk about is your depression, that's all they're going to associate you with, and depression is not a particularly pleasant subject for anyone to have to discuss on a regular basis. Remember that your friends and family are NOT your therapists, and you can't expect them to understand your depression in-depth or to a professional degree, just as you can't expect them to instinctively know what to do about it when you're having an episode. If someone asks, you can tell them what helps for you, like a big hug or hearing a funny joke. What you can also do to make them more comfortable is ASK what will make them more comfortable. I am very clear with the people who know about my depression that I don't expect anything from them but their friendship. I'm aware they're not my therapists and I'm not asking them to "fix" me when I have a bad bout. If they tell me it's something they're uncomfortable bringing up, then I respect that and try not to talk about it with them. If they have questions, they all know they're welcome to ask me whatever they want in order to understand my depression. When it comes to my mental health, I open up but I don't unload. Figure out how open you feel comfortable being, then find out how comfortable the people in your life are with that openness. Not everybody is going to understand and not everybody is going to be comfortable with it, but I sincerely believe that not everybody is going to see it as anything more than it is, an unfortunate illness, and I'm sure they'll be very supportive of you.

Hope this helps, and again, welcome.