[Quinique]

Ok, so my husband had asked me to go to marriage counseling before I decided to end our 5 yr marriage. I made an appointment and we went yesterday. Only problem is she didn't even see him. When she called me in I just assumed that she would see him after me or call him in later. She and I are talking and I am explaining to her everything that has been going on. For example, he just got back from an 11 mo. tour in Afghanistan, he lies, we are both very suspicious of the other, MONEY, etc. Anyway, so she starts asking about my family and growing up. It is then that I start getting real light headed and feel like I'm going to hyperventilate. When we start discussing my older sister I got really upset. My face and fingers started going numb! We discuss the abuse I recieved from my sister and all the traumatic things that I went through starting at the age of 10. There are SO many things that I don't remember past that age. It's like from the age of 10 til now really didn't exist. I would like to know what happened during those years but am terrified to death at what I may discover. I don't ever remember being sexually abused but would not be surprised if I were. The reason I say that is b/c I was very promiscuous and started having sex at a young age. She had asked me not to make any decisions on divorce until we have talked for several months. I was diagnosed with OCD, which was no real shocker BUT also Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Which actually surprised me a bit. I guess my question here is what do I do with this? This is a little disturbing for me b/c I love my sister so much and consider her my best friend. Any suggestions or comments????? How do I tell my sister she is the reason I am like I am?? Or do I say anything to her? Thank you for your time. Sorry this was so lengthy.

[jensasweetie]

WOW, that question is beyond my limited scope but I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and hope you are able to come to the best solutions.

Jen

I went to councling to 'get over' a divorce and to be honest I too was confused why she wanted to know all about my past ?

We spoke about it for a bit then moved onto the marriage break up and things went very well ! Whatever her reason it worked for me .

[jenkins09]

Hey Q,

I am a psych major and I am going to assume that the counselor was trying to gain some insight into your life and life experiences. A lot of how we act in adult relationships today are colored by our childhood experiences. I would agree that you shouldnt make any decisions on your marriage right now, unless there is abuse. I had some similar issues like you as a child and therapy has helped a great deal. You dont have to say anything to your sister, if ever, until your ready. Let your therapist help you through the tough times and I wish you well.

[Pomegranate]

I agree with what Jenkins had to say. As long as you feel comfortable, keep seeing this therapist and don't make any decisions right away. See where this leads. And don't say anything to your sister until you talk about it with your therapist and feel sure as to what you want to say - and are ready to deal with the fall out of any talk you and your sister have. Something like this can explode in your face if you aren't prepared for it.

[VickiesPath]

((((((((((((((((( Quinique )))))))))))))))

Don't assume anything about your sister. All you know at this time is that when the phychologist mentioned her, you became a little light headed and hyperventilated. It may be only an association. So don't draw any conclusions right now and don't say anything to her until you have worked on it a little more with the therapist. I agree with the others that it is very important that you don't do anything about the divorce right now and that you continue with the therapist. I think your husband has your welfare at heart. Maybe the divorce will happen, maybe not. But right now, you need to take care of yourself and this incident indicates that there is something that needs attention. Your body is telling you that.

Best of luck to you and keep posting and let us know how things go.

[Quinique]

Thank you all! I hear everything you are saying and will take it all into consideration. My first instint, of course, is to tell her what a horrible person she was to me but I know that now is not the right time. And IF there ever is a right time then I will know the words to say and have the balls enough to say it! And right now my main problem IS my husband. His jealousy is absolutely driving me insane! I am trying so hard to control myself and not lose it on him. He is really making it difficult for me to even look at him or talk to him on the phone. He made an appointment with a counselor in IL., where he is, and I'm hoping that talking to someone will help him. If not then I really don't see much hope for us and our future. Again, thanks to you all.