I understand that I need to talk to people. I can't just hide my feelings and pains, pretend like I am doing fine.

So, I called my sister who understand me the most (within my family)
she has changed... she used to just listen but she question me, trying to fix all the problems over the phone. keep asking what's wrong, why?

All I need was for her to listen...
She told me to go to the church. Course I lied to her.
Yes, I will go to the church and I hung up the phone.

Then all the other sisters have been calling me to see how I am doing.
I never returned their calls... because I have to tell them I am doing fine.
to make sure they don't worry about me.

if I start talking about sad stuff, They either denies or almost interrogate me.

I am supposed to have the most warm support from my own family and they can't do that for me.

This is Y I am constantly feeling emptiness... that no one would listen even just for once or try to understand...

it's just so sad...

[SilverNeurotic]

Don't give up on your sister(s). It might be hard to talk to them at first, but try to explain to them that it's important that you have someone to talk to them and request that they don't try to ask questions-just listen. Then maybe let them ask questions if you feel comfortable.

[billieJ]

Time, you're not the only one. Many of us feel an obligation to tell families we are fine to keep them from worrying. Then they tell us they are visiting and it's panic time. I have been "fine" for 6 months, and now Dad is coming for a month to find me in bed with bad back and chin deep in depression. Families probably have a need for us to be fine, and we hate to break the bubble. I've started saying, "well, I can't complain." because it's not the world's fault that I am what I am. I'm with Silver. Don't give up on your sister's. It's a little easier for them to change that parents. bJ

[phoenix47baby]

What is wrong if your sisters worry about you. They love you. You would worry about them in return if the shoe were on a different person. Allow them to express their feelings and concerns and assure them that you will be fine because you will get through this. Good Luck and sending good thoughts your way.

[Pomegranate]

This is a problem in many families. Most families aren't trained therapists. And they care about you so much that they want to do everything they think they can to help you. Often while it's very well intentioned it's not help at all.

Have you tried seeing a therapist? That would give you someone who will know how to listen, and might have some good advice on how to handle these kinds of situations with your family.

If you think it would work, you can try being kindly honest with your family. Tell them you need to talk but don't want advice, just someone to listen and let you know that they understand how you feel. Also if you only want to talk with one family member and don't want that person to tell others about your conversation, you can ask for that too.

I can relate to this alot. I don't call my sister that much, she always want's to "email". She can never pick up the phone and ask me how I'm doing. It seems she doesn't want to hear my problems, would I ever act this way towards her, no I wouldn't because I'm not like that. Sometimes all we need is an ear. That doesn't cost anything. We don't get along, we really were never close. Everytime we've talked on the phone, it leads to an argument over something. I don't tell her how to live her life, and she shouldn't tell me how to live mine. Every year around this time, it's awful for me. Nobody comes to visit here, they're 8 hours away, it was always me travelling there when I was married. I just wish she could be more supportive of me and what I'm going through, instead of acting like everything that's happened to me is somewhat my fault. Then they wonder why I have an attitude with them or don't want to call her. Has anyone felt like this either?

Deborah

[BeautifullyMistaken]

Originally Posted by Timeisback

I understand that I need to talk to people. I can't just hide my feelings and pains, pretend like I am doing fine.

So, I called my sister who understand me the most (within my family)
she has changed... she used to just listen but she question me, trying to fix all the problems over the phone. keep asking what's wrong, why?

All I need was for her to listen...
She told me to go to the church. Course I lied to her.
Yes, I will go to the church and I hung up the phone.

Then all the other sisters have been calling me to see how I am doing.
I never returned their calls... because I have to tell them I am doing fine.
to make sure they don't worry about me.

if I start talking about sad stuff, They either denies or almost interrogate me.

I am supposed to have the most warm support from my own family and they can't do that for me.

This is Y I am constantly feeling emptiness... that no one would listen even just for once or try to understand...

it's just so sad...

I know how that routine goes. I never told my family, a friend of mine actually told them. (That hurts) If I wanted people to know, I'd tell them myself. I had an incident years back and my family brushed it off like nothing was wrong. My family doesn't understand it and I don't talk about it- Ever.

As mentioned, they're not therapists and they probably don't know what to do or what to say. They want what is best for you and want to look out for you, which is why they question you. You could always try therapy. Or if that is uncomfortable, try calling or communicating with a close friend- someone you trust and who will listen and take you seriously.

[Shangrala]

All families are different in how they deal with issues that they aren't exactly sure of.

Some families are genuinely supportive, who actually DO behave in your behalf, (whether or not it's behavior that is comfortable for you at that specific time), they are acting on your best interests.

While there are other families who go through the motions of concerning themselves with 'your' specific issues, for whatever their reasons, (can be so many that it's difficult to even try to understand their reasoning of behavior). It would seem to me though, that these kinds of members, who 'say and seldom, if ever, do', would be doing more justice to the troubled member, if they'd just not butt in at all.

I'm from a family of "knowologists". They have this inside family joke, a "motto" if you will, which they all have deemed themselves so proud of, (still not sure why as I find it bothersome as hell)...."There's the right way, the wrong way, and the ("our last name") way".
Point being, arrogance and insensitivity with an enlarged ego have dictated their behaviors, (even toward each other, though they overlook it without regard), to the point that the things which truly do matter, such as a family member in genuine need, is more likely a target of judgement casted.

I can personally relate to how you are feeling. Feelings of insignificance, unimportance and perhaps even feeling out-casted. Took me years to finally accept the fact that, although it STILL hurts like hell, I'm better off constructing my own family of hearts, (friend's who know HOW to care), instead of settling with the bloodline I was born into.
(I swear to this day, I was born in the wrong family, and on the entirely wrong continent....lol).

You've had some good advice in your replies here.
Try not to receive 'all' of your sister's responses as cynical or impersonal. Surely, there has to be one member in your family who can be genuinely receptive of the real you, (although, I must admit, I hoped for that, myself, as well). And if the unfortunate reality is that you simply do not have that bonding within your family that you are in so great need of, then perhaps seek out those who can BE that family of hearts for you.

I truly wish you the best.

Shangrala