open relationships.

hang in there jess. you've grown a lot since you started dating sam. you've made a lot of difficult but good choices in the end. hopefully, volleyball girl will chill out very soon. i don't think you're bothering anyone here. that's what pc is for. good for you for kicking the cigarettes. here's to a mellow december.

lol, yep. the "holidays", the "least" stressful time of the year.

hope springs...

I'm sorry....Even after all the posts I still can't get past the fact that you could "bone" this chick and still love your girlfriend. B.S.

One thought....if I EVER found this on my boyfriend's computer....not only would he never see me or hear my voice again but I would make sure he KNEW how much of a jerk I thought he was.

I'm normally not this harsh but that's just selfish and insensitive. You don't love her if you would ever seriously consider cheating on her. Sorry but it sounds like you need to grow up. MEN don't talk or act like that. Your post was disrespectful to women everywhere, especially your girlfriend and saying things like mother------ make you sound even worse. I'm being a total jerk now but whatever, that is just plain wrong. Asking for advice on how to cheat on your girlfriend?!

as i already stated, "i don't cheat, and i never will".

and i didn't ask for advice on how to cheat on my girlfriend. it's pretty
obvious to anyone how cheating goes. what i inquired was how to bring
up the idea of an open relationship.

ive decided not to. but who are you to say someone couldn't have sex with
someone else and still be in love with their partner? are you the authority on
love? i didn't think so.

i didn't use the term "mother****er" in an offensive way. i used it in the
context of me being quite studious. aka "studying like a mother****er."

yea, i need "grow up." take your own advice and quit looking for offense
where it wasn't intended.

so yea, "grow up."

"that is just plain wrong. Asking for advice on how to cheat on your girlfriend?! "

look over my post if you want. but i never once inquired on this subject.

Hmm, one cannot have love with lust I suppose. The never ending tale of love and yearning for more. Be thankful for who you're with. Don't be so ungreatful and take her love for granted. "Snap out of it man!" as Sean Connery might say.
I'd say stop the texting and and plan some more one on one along time with your girlfriend. This 'chick' is gonna be the biggest mistake you could have. Goodluck

already have, thanks.

Jess I know you love your gf. Your at a young age where guys do this at that age. I have 2 teenage boys and they are always looking at any girl they can.

Ahhhh...Young Love...

Damn, I'm glad that's behind meh....lmao.

I think you should show your girlfriend this thread and let her decide if she would like an open relationship or even want to be your girlfriend anymore. She is the one who your haven't been honest with.

nah, ive moved past the open relationship thing. why would i risk losing what
i know i actually want now? it would just cause drama that neither of us
really need.

That's good to hear. But....if you feel tempted again..maybe your not ready to be in an exclusive relationship?? Absolutely nothing wrong with that! Enjoy your college years!!!

I hope this experience has taught you a few things.

1) looks have nothing to do with self esteem. Just because she's attractive doesn't mean she's mentally balanced

2) Just because your words say no (ie I have a gf) what you don't say says more (ie If you're going to continue to talk to me like this we have nothing to say to each other). You continued to lead her on, she'd flirt and you'd say "I have a girlfriend" yet continue to text her, implying "I just need a little more persuasion".

3) In a relationship EVERYONE's feelings must be considered. You talked about how you felt, how your gf might feel, but no consideration was given to how volleyball girl might feel about the relationship. I wanted to add, by thinking of your feelings and desires only, you treated both of these women horribly. I hope you feel ashamed about this. NOT because I want you to feel bad, but because this was wrong, if you feel no shame, you'll do it again.

4) Women do NOT like to be referred to as "chicks". The words "bone" and "bang" are offensive because they have an implication of violence and degradation. To be honest for some reason I thought you were a female and gay so I was particularly stunned to see this vernacular. I admit I am only slightly younger than dirt, but I did raise my children with manners. A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't like this termonology used in conjunction with your grandmother, mother, sister or daughter DO NOT USE IT particularly in mixed company.

And I forgot

5) We are not animals, just because we have an impluse does not mean we have to act upon it.

why did you think i was a lesbian? im a dude.

I knew you're a dude! No doubt!

Hope you're doing well, Jess. Take care.

idk, ive never really had any romantic feelings about, right before, during, or
after sex. it's just been excitement and horniness. i get the feeling more from
just cuddling on the coutch and watching a movie. or making out. stuff like
that.

it's not like i don't think of sex as intimate at all. i just think of the smaller
things as much more intimate.

Because I thought this was a continuation of another thread by a lesbian asking advice about an open relationship. The name Jess is gender neutral. Is that really all you took away from my post?

I would say no, you don't. I think that you will learn this when you age more. 19 is still a baby.

no i took other things from it. but the part that stood out the most was that
i might have posted something that could have made someone think i was a
chick.

i feel some responsibility for the situation. but feeling "ashamed" wouldn't
change what happened. it would just make me feel worse about something
that's already over.

ive learned my lesson for the most part. i love my girlfriend. but the most
important part, she loves me. (for some reason.) and it's great that we
are together. we've been friends since elementary school. no one knows
me like she does. and if she can love me, especially after knowing me
for so long. then i don't need anyone else.

"no, you don't" i don't what? have intimacy? i have intimacy. i just find sex
to be less intimate than making out and cuddling.

I don't think I really felt that intimacy of making love until pretty recently. My last boyfriend was the first one I ever felt it with and my current boyfriend. But before my bf and I were together for about 3.5 years but for the wrong reasons. And when we broke up it was because I realized that if we weren't together we probably wouldn't even be friends so it was all wrong. But my current boyfriend I genuinely enjoy being with and that really makes a difference in how it feels.

to have your cake and eat it too is what I read into this. If you want to hurt your current girlfriend than go ahead and bang away! Otherwise, stay faithful . If you are unable to do that, you do not belong in a relationship. sorry......

I never thought you were a "chick".....I knew you were a "dude".
All's good.
Jess.....Since the beginning of this thread of yours, you've later clearly stated that you've chosen to correct this path. You've made the wrong into right. I commend you on this.
You and your gf benefit from your lesson and your attentiveness toward correcting your mistakes.

Sure, 19 is still quite young, but sounds to me that you're on the right path.
Again, all is good. You have reason to be proud of yourself. Go with that.

I wish happiness to the both of you.

Shangrala

psh, i'll be 20 in February
the ladyfriend is already 20 as of the 17th of Nov. so she's got a few months
on me D:

Okaaaaaaaaaaay....grats?
Jess....Why so defensive? Argumentative much?
I was offering you compliments. I see the good in what you've provided in all of your responses. Sooo....take that for what it is, maybe?