Stalking or just plain infatuation

so, this is about my bestfriend. She met a man through mutual friends about two weeks ago. This is what has transpired:

-he called and e-mailed her a total of 33 times 24-48 hours after the date asking if she was busy during the week. He also asked for her personal address so he could send her roses. She met him for dinner on that one evening.
-She agreed to meet with him for a quick bite a week later but she had definite reservations about this
-he's wanting to go on a day-long trip with her far away
-two weeks later he asks her to go out of town for a couple of days during Christmas
-he continues to e-mail but calms down about the calling
-today he asked her if it was okay for him to move into her apartment complex
-tonight she finds out that her friends in an online site have become his friends

***I told her that this could be more than infatuation but how much more is it? Please help me with some recommendations so I can advise her as her bestfriend. Thanks and do appreciate it.

Your friend 'has reservations' about meeting him....trust these reservations..

He wants to move into her apartment complex?

Perhaps a back ground check on this man is in order..

How can she even want to relate to someone after 33 e-mails?

Does she have a good sense of boundaries?

Show her this post that you were concerned; show her this and other responses to follow..

A good book about boundaries I will give reference to in a sec..

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Whe...9592539&sr=1-1

thank you for recommending the book. He has now asked her to Paris.........Uggh. Yes, she could use a book on boundaries.

if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck etc.......its a duck...Tell her to trust her intuition and tread CAREFULLY.......

this sounds like stalking behavior to me! tell her to contact the police and get a restraining order so he can't move into her complex. also, notify the landlord as to what is going on so they won't rent to him. this guy sounds like big trouble.

Wow. If that is infatuation he has it badly and not in a good way.

I met my last BF on a blind date. Two days later I saw he had called me twelve times on my caller ID while I was at work. We chatted and he invited me to dinner the next week. He brought me a single rose and cooked dinner for me and I spent the night. Things went well and we moved in together after three months. I think that was probably kind of fast but it worked out well for us.

But knowing somebody two weeks and wanting to move in??? If that happened to me I would run screaming in the other direction!!!!

This wouldn't perhaps be somebody from another country here on a visa, would it? I had offers for marriage from international folk when I was in college because if they marry a citizen they become a citizen. (At least that was the law thirty years ago).

here is a link i found on stalking. this guy is already exhibiting quite a few of the symptoms of stalking behavior. i don't know if her talking to the mutual friend would help or not but she needs to nip this in the bud asap. call the police or a battered women's shelter first to find out how best to handle this so she doesn't just aggravate the guy and the situation escalates.

I agree with what everyone here has said so far.

I can't emphasize enough to women when it comes to relationships (or just about anything really), if you get that fleeting thought from your gut that says "whoa....somethings not right" GO WITH IT AND GET AWAY ASAP!

We are so likely to rationalize what we are feeling, telling ourselves we have no reason to feel that way or wanting to give someone "a chance".

But, think of it this way....if it was meant to be, you wouldn't be getting that "gut" feeling that you can't really figure out....TRUST your instincts! Instincts do not lie to us!

I will tell you what I would do if I were in your friends' shoes right now. I would be changing my email address, changing my phone number(s), setting any facebook/my space/blogs to private, and informing everyone important in my life whether friends/family/employers/landlords/police that this person is over the top. I would save every email and records of his calls and what was said and when. They will provide the proof that this guy is not right.

I really wish your friend much luck and safety.

Yeps!
Laws haven't changed since.

Who in their right mind would accept this behavior as rational?

Get as much as you can on this person. Have your friend question this person regarding family, friends, relationships, work history, areas & durations of residencies, etc, and so on. Meanwhile, most definitely do a background check on this character of her own...lotsa options for that online..hehe, (and she should get results through those online companies. If nothing comes up...Hmmm....."suspicious").

And tell her to refrain from ANY travels anywhere with him until she knows what he REALLY is about. NEVER surrender her security by placing herself in a possible victim situation...OMG..

Good luck. Keep us informed. You have my curiosity stirred now....Just who IS this guy, anyway?....Hmmmm.

Much care to your friend, (and she's very lucky to have such a good one in you, Phoenix)...

Shangrala

Such overwhelming wonderful support. Thanks to all of you. I have passed all of this information on. She has already contacted the police on this man. They drove out to take a police report and warned her about the steps necessary to protect herself. Thank you.

Just spoke with my girlfriend. This man has inquired whether he should get a one or two bedroom place to live. He has also set his lease to expire when she moves out of her place. This is too creepy. Luckily she lives in a security building and has informed the superintendent of the building. She contacted a private investigator to do a background check. Thanks for your replies.

Yeah....Red flags and sirens going off in my head for your BF.

Tell her to trust her gut and don't give into this guy. He sounds like he's good at manipulation, or so he thinks, and he is trying to manipulate your friend.

Tell her NOT to go to Paris with this guy, and I would let the management at her apartment complex know as well that there might be some issues.

She definitely wants to put up some strict boundaries with this person. And only when she sees that he is willing to respect them should she start to move forward with a relationship with this person.

Just my two cents worth.

Thanks. It is definitely manipulation. He just doesn't give up. If she tells him she is busy one night, he asks her out the next and the next and the next. She even saw that he had her picture on the screen saver of his phone that he got off of Facebook. Uggh. He won't take no for an answer. Maybe if she tells him she is going to file a police report or of course the restraining order may have to suffice except it is just a little piece of paper. Thanks all for your support and read.

Maybe......juuuuuust maybe.....If she were to arrange it that he sees her with another man?....Walking arm in arm with him? Playing "kissy face"?...lol

It sounds like a long shot, but.....Maybe if he were to pay witness to her in the presence of "male competition"....that might discourage him?
But, wait....it can very possibly piss him off to no end, too....Hard to say, as he is already behaving pretty irrational as is...UGH!

Gawd...I can only pray for the best for her.

Shangrala

I'm a bit confused - has your friend told him point blank, not to call, email or communicate with her in any form? Has she told him, she's not interested in dating or going anywhere with him? He's definatley moving too fast and it sounds like your friend has difficulty being firm.

She has told him that she is uncomfortable with his advances and would like to be left alone. She has told him to stop calling, e-mailing, etc. She had hoped that he would respect her enough and listen, but no.

Tell her to tell him - if he has any further contact, she will file a restraining order. She can also change her email and phone number. Good luck to her

After Paris, your friend should get away from him at once!

Seriously, if he called and emailed 33 times in 24 hours after their first date, what kind of red flag does your friend need? But I relate, I've done dumb stuff like that too (seeing an obviously unbalanced person).

I hope you tell her NO, NO, NO about him moving into her building! That's the worst thing that could happen. Your friend is starting to sound like a clueless camper in a Friday the 13th movie, no offence! Mike

Always trust intuition in situations like this. If something seems even the slightest bit off-then something isn't right. Get away from the situation as fast as you can and do everything necessary to make sure you are safe from harm.

She told him this and he continues?

No way.

Completely stop contact. Block the telephone number he calls from. Block his email address. If he shows up at the door don't let him in and call 911.

This dude is not well balanced in the head.