i feel so ****, betrayed and hurt.

it all started a while ago when i had my two best friends Nr and Ca. we were in the town one day and there was a guy i really liked, and we talked and i got his numer whuch was all good. i felt so happy.
we texted each other all the time and even met up and everything. i had made it clear to my friends that i really liked the guy, and he made me happy. then one day Ca asked for his number and said it was so she could ask for his friends number from him.
oviously i didnt mind, so i asked him if it was ok to give her his number and he said sure.
a while after, CA texted me asking if i hated her. i have known her since i was a baby, and thought she trusted me. so i said no of course i dont why? and she said she had been talking to her ex who told her i hated her. this went on for a while till i convinced her i didnt hate her.

it still really hurt me, that she trusted her ex more than her lifetime friend. it was as if someone stabbed me.

then she started on Nr asking her why she hated her and so on. when Nr told her she didnt hate her Ca started asking me why Nr hated her. i told her Nr didnt hate er but she wouldnt listen. she then started calling her names to my face, and i told her to stop it, Nr had done nothing wrong. Ca wouldnt listen, and this again eally hurt me becaus me and Nr had been friends for about 6 years. we go to the same school and are inseperable. sometimes its even as if we have our own little phyic link!

in the end Ca stopped talking to us. now she talkes to me.
then the guy i liked texted me asking for a picture of careyann. i hadnt spoke to her in about 2 weeks. i felt kinda suspicious, because he hadnt spoke to me in about 2 weeks except when he wanted to.

i didnt send him a pic because i didnt know if she wanted one sent or not.

she texted me today, and said she was meeting up with the guy, in the town, and it was just the two of them. she knew liked him. yet she just texted me to tell me. i felt so crap. its almost as if she was doing it to get back at me for her falling out with me. then she told me Nr's boyfriend liked me and her beter than Nr so i just said goodbye.

its stupid falling out over a guy. i didnt choose to, she did. i tried me best but in the end she just kept hurting me.

i have lotsa smaller problems but this one nearly made me SI but i didnt.
recently i have come up with a diferent way of dealing with my problems but no one really cares, if people here at home cared as much as they let on, they would realize i need help and send me to the doctor.

now i stop eating. when someone upsets me or annoys me, i stop eating, kinda as a way to show your not my owner, im not your pet dog. its nearly as if its a way of getting back at them.

im now told nearly everyday im too skinny, im anorexic, im sick, my mum even believes i might have diabetis (she has type 1) but i dont. im starting to scare mysellf and everything is getting more and more for me and anyone who i have told has turned away from me, or ignored my problems. i want t tell NR but she pretty bad and i dont think she could handle me being "sick". i really dont know wat im doing. but i cant talk to my family, or friends, or helplines, because my mum checks the numbers on the phone bill. the doctor is during school so thats out too. im really trapped.

Hello, niamhh504. Please tell your mum you need to see the doctor. If there is a counselor at school, you might want to see if the counselor can help you get the help you want and need.

It will take courage to take this step. Please go ahead. What you are describing need immediate attention.

Good luck and please let us know how you are doing.

im scared incase my mum takes things the wrong way... And sometimes going to a concellor can get out and around the school which is realy unwanted. Im just so lost and dunno where 2 turn.

It sounds like you seriously need to tell your mom that you don't feel well and she needs to pull you out of school early so you can see a doctor. Things can be arranged. Try reaching out. You never know who will answer. Good Luck.

Yes, talking to your mum will be scary. If you do not get help, you will continue to feel bad and trapped. You deserve to get better. Please talk to you mum about seeing the doctor. You mum may even thank you for letting her know.

Good luck.

Being a mom, I can give you a mom's point of view:

I love my daughter more than anything. We may have our disagreements and troubles from time to time, but that does not mean that she cannot come to me regarding what troubles her.
I am her mom. I am here FOR her, throughout whatever troubles her. I would be devastated knowing that my daughter felt that she couldn't come to me for whatever she is going through.

Please know, that your mom LOVES you. And I'd be willing to bet that, she too, would be devastated learning that you are suffering alone in this.
Go to her, however uncomfortable it is for you, with the faith knowing that she will NOT judge you.
This is what mom's do. Love our children unconditionally. Granted, we may express our disappointments, or even disapprove, but that does NOT mean we love you any less.

BY investing into your mom's trust, you are in fact securing your bond with her even greater.
Have faith in your relationship with her. Go to her. Trust in her.

I wish you all the best.

Shangrala

i told mum about my eating, but thats only because of one reason. She wants me to keep an eating diary for a while and if my reason isnt back to normal by new year she will make a doctors appointment fornme, but i still cant bring myself to tell her the rest but ive said something.....

Hi Niamh,

I feel like giving you a whopper of a hug. I think your friend CA is having some problems . And shes not being the good friend she may have been in the past. She is acusing you and the other friend of hating her . and that hurts.

then she moves in on your budding relationship. and lets you know .

yes you have been betrayed and I see your doing what you need to do to move away but it STILL hurts and its a loss. A very big loss.

I think you may feel better if you can tell her that you feel betrayed and your friend ship meant a lot and you would never take a male freindship away from her . that this is a deal braker of sorts and sadens you to say goodby.

Geting these feelings out and expressing them to the person who has hurt you may relive your taking it out on yourself .

I wonder if you may feel like you didn;t take care of yourself
when you gave your male friends phone number to CA .

what you could have done was to call your male friend and ask him for the number and then give it to her. This would have not given her a shoe in.

but its not your fault for what she did.

Your so trusting . Im sorry your trust was violated .

And you sound like your not being heard or have no one to give you ideas on how to navagate this friend who is having some personality changes. even projecting her mistrustfulness on to you .


kinda crazey making to acuse you of hating her when shes moving in on her best frinds new hope for a boyfreind. they call that projection.

You may feel rejected and betrayed by both your best freind and this new male friend . almost like you are not there .

Don't disapear and please take care of your body . This hurts but you will make new friends.

Patricia

I am happy for you, niamhh. Telling your mum about the eating was a big step. I hope you are able to tell your mum about the other things too. Good luck.

im really lost now at the moment because the guy texted me today asking if i thought Ca and him were going out, and i said no, not wanting to talk about it, and he said 'well she lied to me' and i said about a convo we had that explained why she thought that without being mean about anyone, nd somewhere in it i said about them 2 meeting on saturday, and he said that that is weird, he not meeting her at alll...

Someone is now lying to me.
And i just wish that whoever is lying would just say whats going on.

I was really tempted not to eat today at lunch because i was upset, but i made myself eat.

Good for you that you ate, naimhh.

Good for you for forcing yourself to eat. And good for you for at least telling your mom about the eating part-that's a step forward and will hopefully give you the courage to continue a communication with her regarding what's going on.

It almost sounds as though your friend is going through something of her own and is either crying out for attention, or trying to push you guys away from her...if things were okay, she probably wouldn't have gone through that whole thing with asking you and your other friend if you guys hated her. Then I guess because you didn't react as strongly as she would have liked-she made up the story about the guy that you have been talking to. She had to know it would hurt/upset you so...

I would try to talk to this friend a bit more and try to see what's going on.

good for you with keeping your center
stand tall and graceful in this "Troika" Naimhh

and quiet. and keep treating your self well
I love the power of images


http://www.worldhum.com/images/photo...15-615x435.jpg

Patricia

thanks everyone, sometimes i feel that if it wasnt for this site, or my cat, i would crazy, or i would end up treatin myself realy bad, you are all realy amazing and its made me so much happier, b/c it shows that as bad as things get, even a stranger can help. Thank you all so much

Good for you, niamhh, Please continue to post so we know how you are doing. Good luck.