Daughter's getting left out.

A new girl at school has taken over most of my daughter's friends. Even some of the friends she still has have told her "well everyone likes Ally more than you." A boy she was friends with has started lying to her. Yesterday he was reading a card and he said it was a thank you note from someone. It turns out it was a graduation party invitation from this Ally girl. Everyone was invited except my daughter. Even people she's not friends with were invited.

My daughter's been invited to other social events and then uninvited because it was decided that to have both of the girls there would cause trouble, so they picked the other girl over my daughter, and my daughter has been friends with these people since 1st grade. This other girl just started school this year.

My daughter is understandably upset over being dumped. Getting upset about it causes everyone to want to be around her even less. They're tired of her "being a cry baby."

I don't know what to say to her. Her emotions have been pulled in all different directions. One day this girl acts friendly toward her, the next she's whispering and pointing and laughing. This is the cherry on top of the crap sundae she's been served lately.

I don't want to seem unsympathetic, but I'm at a loss as to what to say or do. I'm starting to think she's maybe depressed - sad, tearful, can't concentrate, school work is slipping even more, no motivation, sleeps more than usual. She's only 14.

HELP!

GOD, I hated that age... I was never so miserable in my entire life (but, I think that's very different from depression)

((wifi's daughter))

Ouch that sounds very painful for both her and you. Im not really sure what to do either but i can relate to this kind of thing so i thought id respond. When the youngest here was around that age these kind of things happened sometimes. It usually would work itself out in a week or two. Teens can be frighteningly cruel to each other, i remember one time where the youngests best friend turned into her arch nemisis and back again inside of 24 hours(which confused me as i was still hating the "friend", kids can forgive easier i guess). I am at a loss as to what the answer is or how you can make things better for her but listening to her and letting her cry seems like the only thing you can do. Man o man am i glad im not a teenager anymore. Its amazing any of us make it thru such a stressful time filled with so much cruelty and back stabbing.

Thanks LMo and Shay. I feel so bad for her. This mess has been going on for months and months. I've already had to deal with the "she was her best friend yesterday, today she hates her, and tomorrow they're best friends again"" mess with another girl.

I know she's just going to have to tough it out, but it's so hard. As adults we can all tell her that in a few years this won't matter, but right now it's the worst time of her life. And, really, is saying it won't matter even telling the truth? How many of us are carrying around self-esteem scars because of how we were treated in school? I know I am.

i agree with a lot Shaymus said. i remember my children at that age and i'd be "hating" some enemy kid and my child would ask if he could come home and spend the night, before i knew what was going on!! this may very well blow over. ours did..console her, do something with her. show her some extra attention.....xoxo pat

As a teacher, I'm in your position too. If I get involved, things get worse. The best thing you can do, right now, is be a soft place for your daughter to fall (in Dr. Phil's words).

Let her know that you'll listen no matter what and sympathize with her. Kids are cruel...it makes me very angry at times, just how cruel. Keep supporting her and helping her learn who is a good friend and who might not be such a good friend (on her own).

I can only imagine how hard it is to see your child upset and not be able to do much about it. I'm only a PM away if you ever need to talk.

((((((((((Shirley))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((Shirley))))))))))))))))))))

I agree. Being there for your daughter to talk to and confide in is the best you can do for her. Kids are cruel. I agree with Shay. I cant beleive I made it through.

If this continues, you may want to have her speak with a therapist/cousellor (sp). The last thing that you need is for her to fall deeper into a depression.

I wish you luck. Please pm me if needed.

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