[aliceyalice]

boyfriend's been a little unsympathetic lately. his birthday is tomorrow, and he actually growled at me on the phone today when i called to ask him to take a look at me computer when he got home from work today because it has a virus. he told me that although both browsers crash immediately upon opening, and every single program (media player, photo editing software, et) i tried to use completely froze and even the mouse would not work (the pointer just stayed put on the screen) that he thought it was the battery backup and not a virus. when i listed the reasons i believed he was wrong, he snapped at me and said, "this is your only warning: my next phone call to you, you'd better be sweet and not be acting like this. tomorrow is my birthday..." i set the phone down after he said that, because i am tired of him threatening me. then i typed this note up in his word program on his computer:

try to be patient with me. i have had a very stressful month. i have dealt with the birth of my first grandchild, my son in federal prison, and my youngest daughter being treated like dirt because she was molested. i have heard you say before that these things that happen in my life are just little events that shouldn't affect me any more than the kind of things that cheryl or your mother or any other woman faces, but that is simply not so. i need someone who can be compassionate and understand that i am going through alot, not insist that i smile and behave as if nothing is wrong. please be that person for me. i know that i might not be a sparkling and happy person since i happen to be grieving over the horrible circumstances that surround my children, but i really am trying to appear happy. i think the reason i am so miserable is that i am constantly putting on a show for everyone, trying to make you all think that i am just fine, maybe a little sad, but otherwise okay. i am very far from okay. i need to be allowed to be sad and to grieve. i'm sorry that these things happened around your birthday, but i can't control when my son's sentencing hearings are set for, or when my oldest daughter would end up needing to be hospitalised for a month, or my youngest daughter getting thrown out of Mom's house for admitting that she was molested by her step-grandfather. i tried to tell you that i am going to be sensitive for a while. things that normally irritate me are going to irritate me alot more. i am trying to control my emotions, but i doubt anyone else would be able to appear even half as calm as i am if they were under the same circumstances. i am completely alone. i have no one to turn to and i am doing the very best i can to appear happy for you.

[Shangrala]

Ummm....A "little" unsympathetic?

"he snapped at me and said, "this is your only warning: my next phone call to you, you'd better be sweet and not be acting like this. tomorrow is my birthday..."

....Warning?...Better?
I'm sorry, but this guy's a jerk. Sounds completely selfish, uncaring and quite abusive.
Boo hoo! So what if his birthday is soon to follow. Good God, girl. You are going through ALOT, and he cannot provide you the least bit of consideration, let alone compassion?
He reminds me of my ex. Verbally abusive and the least bit concerned for anything I may have been going through.

Do you really think that a mere note to him is going to change anything? Sounds to me that all he expects is to have his cake AND eat it, too, (no pun intended).
The struggles you are experiencing should not have to be dealt with alone. He is your partner and should support you through this. Not toss your feelings aside because you are nothing more than an inconvenience to him.

Put a firecracker in a cupcake for him to blow on. "Happy birthday, baby!!"

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is so unnecessary and unfair to you. Is there anyone else who you can go to for the support you so obviously need? If so, take that up. Sounds as though you wont be getting it from him.
Dang!

I hope the best for you. I'm so sorry to hear about your son and daughters. Many

Shangrala

[jerrymichele]

I'm so sorry. That was so uncalled for. You shouldn't have to put up with this. I wouldn't write him a note. He needs to appoligze to you. You did nothing wrong. To be honest with you, if that would have been me I would have slammed the phone down on him. I'm having some ups and downs in my relationship right now, and when my man starts acting like a fool, I have no problem letting him know how I feel. Matter of fact, when he starts running his mouth on the phone, I just hang up on him. Sometimes we need to be a little mean to get the point accross.
I would tell him that he needs to be supportive of you. I would also tell him that your not going to put up with him disrespecting you like that.

Hello, aliceyalice. What keeps you in a relationship where you are bullied and your feelings are discounted?

[VickiesPath]

Hello Aliceyalice,

If your browsers crash, how are you connecting to PC? I am a computer tech and the problem could be that a setting needs to be changed. I have always had antivirus software and haven't dealt with a virus for ages so am not particularly aware of what is out there.

But Windows uses a device called "paging" where it devotes a certain amount of the hard drive to switch items back and forth from memory so it can handle every task you ask it to do. When the reserved hard drive space allowed for paging is too small, things like media applications and I've seen even mice quit operating until you adjust the paging setting and tell Windows to allow more of the hard drive space to be reserved for paging activity. With the more complex programs today, they require bigger paging files.

I've not worked with manually set paging sizes in XP for example, and not even sure it can be done but it's worth considering. I also do hope you have an antivirus.

Sorry your fella's a butt-head.