[Zen888]

I have never been in a long term relationship of any type.

I am at an age where society expects that I should be married, have children, have a stable career...etc.

I would be in heaven if I met the right man for a long term romantic relationship!

In the last 10 years, I have used Internet dating websites to meet men. 98% of the men only wanted to be special friends with me and this is something I do not want. They were also looking for a perfect woman who had a perfect body, career, friends, and didn't have a problem with casual sex...etc.

I do not know where to meet men that would be attracted to me.

Here is a list of what I see as being my negative attributes:

> Shy and withdrawn
> No friends
> Since I have been on medication I have went from a slim size 6...etc to much larger and it isn't from over eating (the doctors once reduced my medications and I went down 3 sizes in less than 2 weeks!). So essentially my metabolism is extremely slow when on medications.
> I have bipolar 1 disorder and PTSD and most men do not want anything to do with a woman that has a mental illness.

Here is a list of my positive attributes:

> I own my home and do not make payments
> I am kind, caring, loving, empathetic...etc
> I have post secondary education in psychology, sociology, and special needs

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Half of me really wants to be in a relationship so that I can have the rights of passage like marriage and children...etc. While the other half of me wouldn't know how to maintain a marriage and children.

I am scared that my time is running out to have children!

I just feel so lonely and desparate for a relationship.

I have given up on Internet dating websites since I seem to only attract men with poor qualities and lifestyles.

_____________

I know I have to work on myself before anyone would want to be in a relationship with me but I feel like time is running out on me.

Too often life simply is unfair. I have no suggestions or answers for you. It saddens me that a circumstance not of your making can cause such unhappiness.

Pax vobiscum.

[eskielover]

Zen,

As a voice of experience, one is better off single than married to the wrong man. It is really ok to be single & independent. I would have been better off if I had stayed that way & many other women feel the same way. Men & children aren't the storybook fantasy they are made out to be.

I think that when the right person doesn't come along in our life it means that we need to learn how to be satisfied with life as we have it & live it to the fullest.

All your wonderful traits are good for with good friends also. I know there is a desire to be close to someone, but if it isn't the right someone. It can end up in serious anger & other issues in the long of it isn't the right person we marry.

My suggestion is learn how to be happy with yourself, content with your life as it is. Funny thing is that usually when you get to the point where you are happy with your single life....that is usually the time when the right person comes along.

Most important thing is to be happy with ourselves where ever we are at in life & that happy shines & people are attracted to it.

You will be ok,
Debbie

[Shangrala]

I realize this may sound short and even cliche...but, sometimes the best way to find someone is to stop looking.

And, Eskie said it wonderfully...."usually when you get to the point where you are happy with your single life....that is usually the time when the right person comes along"<<<<< VERY true!!

Shangrala

zen, i remember reading one of those silly dating advice books years ago but it did have one suggestion that i think was a good one. it suggested trying to make 6 friends of the opposite sex, just friends. the number is obviously arbitrary but i think taking the pressure off and just learning to be friends with guys might really be a good place to start if you haven't had much in the way of male friends before. then, if one of those friendships turns into a relationship great. if it doesn't then at least you have a friend.