How does...

How does a guy who has not had a real relationship since 2004 and who has bipolar disorder, no job, few friends, is rather shy and socially awkward and who has little outlook on life find a girlfriend?

I've tried several dating sites and had a few "dates" with nice women but I never heard from them again after the first meeting. I'm tired of looking online for women. I'd rather meet them in person at a bar or cafe but being socially anxious and awkward I find that difficult.

I have a lot to learn, I guess.

Find something that you enjoy doing that you can have access to that is social. It doesn't have to be purely social like a bar, it could be an activity. Then just enjoy yourself, talk to people meet people. From there its a lot easier to meet people because you have a social network and community, and it will eventually sort itself out.

You can never go looking for love, you just have to happen upon it ya know? But that doesn't mean you can't put yourself in the ball park.

Take this with a grain of salt, I'm a 19 year old who honestly has only had 1 relationship. But I never went looking for it, it just happened upon me (we both played drums).

I also am shy, but I find that if you have something you are passionate about, and you go places where you are with like minded people, you automatically have something to talk about and it makes meeting anyone a lot easier. Some hobbies just have universal languages ect.

Good luck with your journey mate!

-Bias

Thanks Bias. I have many hobbies but they tend to be loner type hobbies. I found out about a science fiction book club at the local library and I'm big on scifi. Maybe I'll check that out. I somehow doubt I'd meet any one there other than a friend unless theres a nice nerdy girl there thats conveniently single. But it would be good practice at being social.

You seem to have tried everything that my husband tried. I was 19 years old and he was 37 years old when we came into each others' lives(by most unusual circumstances, too). He tried EVERYTHING that you tried, online, casual dating, even church. What worked for him (and me)in the end was simply waiting and not giving up.
He also said that I was not someone who he would have ever imagined dating/marrying. So I suppose that means to have an open mind and heart and plenty of patience to fill the time.

Yeah but six years? Though, really, I haven't put myself out there to meet someone. It was so easy in high school to meet people; we all had to be there at the same time. After my fiancé broke up with me in 2003 I had one relationship that ended badly. Then I retreated into myself and was extremely shy at college. I saw so many women I'd would have liked to be with but could never get the guts to talk to them. There was one girl I was infatuated with at school and had actually been talking to. I finally got the drive to ask her out and then she stopped coming to class. I later found out she died in a car crash. I retreated even farther after that I think. I started thinking "what if I had asked her out earlier? would she have been in that car that got hit by that bus if I had asked her out?"

Anyways, I'm babbling on. I realize I need to get out there and meet people and just be social. It's just hard to do since the bipolar disorder hit me.

You might start by keeping in mind bipolar is treatable and bipolars can sustain good relationships.

What does your therapist say about this issue?

I haven't really brought it up with my therapist. I guess it's not really one of my priorities. I feel I should become more social and become friends with people before I really try to go full out for a romantic relationship.

maybe try looking around the area you live in for diffrent community activies and classes? They are great ways to meet new people and build a relationship with anyone (friendship or potential relationship)

Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to go out and find a relationship, things always have a way of finding you before you find them, enjoy going out and socailzing and I'm sure you will stumble upon what your looking for

Best Wishes
Typo

Yeah, that sounds OK but putting it into action is often difficult for me. I think it's going to be baby steps for me to get out there.

Edit: I was just thinking though that a lot of my problem with meeting new people is that I don't know how to approach them. I never know what to say. If I'm out at the library or the store and I see someone I want to talk to, I freeze up and walk the other way. How does one break the ice?

just say hello, ask about their day. At the library, take a look at what books they are looking at and make conversation based on that. Ask about hobbies or pets. Don't get nervous, remeber they are a person just like you

You seem like a very nice person, I am confident you will be able to break the ice and make conversation, baby steps are always good!!

Best Wishes
Typo

Thanks, Typo.